i feel like i have reason to go on anymore.... i now live in a town so faraway from home for a job. i planned to stay here only for six months. but during those months, i found a guy and he got into this relationship. just when my feeling had gotten so deep with him, he told me he had a gf. but he still chose me bcoz he loved me, though he still could let go of his gf. i said it's fine, as long as it was just a status with her and his love was only for me. then, prior to the ending of my 6-month contract, my boss said that the contract was extended for another 6 months. i agreed because i had him here, and i think he has been the reason of me still staying here.
during those times, we had some quarrels regarding "his gf issue", and i had been asking to break up with him maybe more than 3 times, but we finally made up. the last time i asked to break up again and later to make up again, he accepted on condition that i wouldn't ask to break up with him anymore, and i agreed.
recently, i felt that there was something a bit weird with him. he was like faraway and he rarely texted me, unlike he used to. he said he was busy with work, but he promised to make it up to me after he completed it, so i said okay. however, the day after, my friend told me he saw my bf's car in front of a diner last night. well, that's actually okay, but i couldn't help but felt a bit curious, so i texted him to ask who he was there with. at first, he was like trying to distract me from the question, but finally he told me he was with her gf and friends for her birthday party. i was quite upset. he once promised me not to go out with her again, and if it was urgent he would go but he was to tell me anytime he went out with her. but i could swear that that time, he wouldn't have told me if i hadn't asked him. so the day after, after a lot of thinking--that is, i was upset that he ignored me because he said he was busy but it turned out he went out with her, and all of his other ignorance, and also the fact that he couldn't really separate with he--i broke up with him again, and at that time i thought it was once and for all. i cried the whole day.
the next day, suddenly her gf showed up at my place! he asked about stuff and i told her to just meet him together. so, we went to his house to talk. there, my bf told her there was nothing else between me and him. i was so down! but later he asked her to just break up, but she didn't want to. there, i saw for the first time how she really was. this whole time i didn't believe my bf when he told me he couldn't break up with her not because of him, but bcoz she insisted not to, that she could hurt herself if he kept wanting to break up. my bf was so angry with her, about how dare she came to my place and bothered me. he said hard to her to just break up, and he also said that if he were to choose, he would choose me instead of her. he also said that he loved me in front of her. like an insane, the gf said that it was okay if he still wanted to be with me, as long as he was with her too. she was kinda desperate! well, the point is, at that time i really thought that our relationship had gone back fine, so i didn't feel sad anymore.
later that night, we met on yahoo messenger. we talked about stuff, about how he chose me over her. but he also said that he still couldn't let her go, bcoz she wouldn't go away if he hadn't said yes. well, i thought the h**l with that. what's important was, i had seen it with my own eyes that he didn't want her anymore and that he clearly stated he chose me. so, i thought everything had gone back to normal. however, almost at the end of our conversation, he said, "no more status, coz we'd be like going on and off just like that". i was really confused! today, this morning, for the sake of clarity, i asked him, "are we still breaking up?" and he said, "i guess so." my gosh, my world suddenly fell down! he said that he was tired of me kept feeling all wary about stuff and it would be better to just break up once and for all. i don't know! i've stayed here because of him, and now that he's not a part of my life anymore, why should i still stay here??? if i tell him that i'm coming back home, and won't be able to stand it if he's just fine with it. i can't be more heartbroken than i am now. what should i do?? i know that he still loves me so much, and i also love him so much. also, he said, "it's not easy for me too, sometimes i just pretend we're still together. that's how i cope."
i can't imagine living without him... do you think he is just punishing him for asking to break up again, and later he will ask to make up? or do you think this is really the end of our relationship? i'm so shocked and sad. nothing can cheer me up right now except if he's coming back to me..... please help!!
Tags: