Hello, I'm 16 and I've written my first poem. Could I have a personal opinion on my work?

Question

THE BLIND MAN

In the darkness, I am not alone.

They come and go, the gifted.

Sweep eyes upon me surreptitiously.

Perforating glances detected by my soul.

All look upon the man that cannot see.

My ears grant me ample awareness.

Play substitute to my dead, abyssal, eyes.

Inform me of all void images,

Tease me of my bleak outlook of beauty.

So do I long to see the instruments of sound,

The matter of which all can be identified.

All words, shrouded in darkness,

Unicoloured blackness engulfs all objects.

Obscure images thrive in my deluded mind.

Random paint coats sound devoured by my ear.

In death, the heavens will sedate my tortured soul,

For angels have not tainted eyes.

The gifted often endeavor to escape the darkness.

In it, they are blind.

It renders them vunerable, isolates them to the unknown.

In the darkness, I am not alone.

Answer 1

get some help man... and seriously, why would you answer sandra's question like that??? And before you guys give the thumbs down look at sandra's (the first person to answer) profile and click the question about arts and crafts and look what this crazy moron wrote...

Answer 2

Sounds good but it sounds like you are trying too hard to use big words. Keep it simple and it will be great. You have the potential to be a great poet.

Answer 3

hmmmmm

i like it but it sounds like ur emo

Answer 4

oh my gosh! that is soooo good! you should consider putting it in a contest

Answer 5

In the future, this kind of question should be posted in 'Arts&Humanities' > 'Poetry'.

I agree with previous post - it feels like you're trying too hard. The ideas get a little lost under the big words. Try simpler and see how that works.

Answer 6

Very cool!  Keep it up.  I used to write tons of poetry back in High School and College but I've kind of lost some of my enthusiasm for writing.  Its really good to see people still doing it.  I always found poetry as a great outlet, especially when I was feeling confused about things.  Keep going!  Shows great feeling and imagination.