Hello Seniors! I'm asking you all because you probably have the most wisdom?

Question

and I'm guessing you have been there. I'm having a terrible time with my little one starting kindergarten. I am a 30yr old mom who is absolutely dreading my kids growing up. Any words of wisdom for me? Will I always feel lonely without them?

Answer 1

Honey, if you don't turn them loose they'll turn YOU loose and break your heart!!!  They have their own little lives too and their interests will venture away from mom and dad!!!  My old Native aunt once told me...."when they're small they step on your feet, when they're grown they step on your hearts"!!  I was a young mother then and always remembered this. Now my kids are grown and I fully understand what she meant!!!!!!!

Answer 2

my mother when she was alive told me as i got older things would get easier. Think she lied.  I have 2 daughters and my house is always full . My 19yr old stays with me at home, and my eldest daughter is 25 , she and her partner and my grand daughter of 6 are never away they are always in my house. Their friends come here too she brings them up to me for lunch, coffee whatever. My 2 girls are very close and if going out together with friends they all come here to get ready. i have a tiny flat and am thinking of getting a roundabout made at the top of the stairs. All their dogs come too, just as well my cat likes dogs. Its total chaos, all the time. I wouldn"t change it for the world. Love my girls and love never dies, so your kids will always be your kids even when they have left home, they will just bring their families with them.

Answer 3

Do this...think about how excited YOU were to finally go to school like the "big kids". Remember how much you loved your teacher and all your new friends...and how much fun it was to bring home your work and all those little pictures and things you made to show your mom and dad? Remember how proud they were of you, which made you proud of yourself? Very wonderful times for a little one...and now you get to share it with you own kids!

Sure, we all missed ours in the beginning too. Our homes were  suddenly way too quiet. But soon that new-found free time came to be invaluable to us...whether it was just getting chores done or simply doing something for ourselves for a change.

You'll be fine. As Wyomugs put it...grow with your kids. This stage in their lives is just as important for you, too!

Answer 4

It's always difficult to 'let go', but it is for their best interest. Most times it is more difficult for the parent than the child. They are entering into the world with so much curiosity, wonderment, and a hunger for learning. You should not feel lonely without them, you should feel joy and fulfillment because 'of' them. I'm sure as time goes on, you will be fine as you see how well they can do. Support them, and love them, and by all means encourage and cherish all the younger years, but let them also spread their wings. They will thank you for all that some day. I look back and think about my sons growing years with joy, and many happy memories. One day you will have grandchildren to dote on! :)

Answer 5

Although I have no children of my own, I speak from experience AS A CHILD.  I am 50+, and guess what?  I still need my mother, and thank the good Lord, she is still around to help me.  While I have lost faith in myself, she has never lost faith in me and has just recently been helping me through a major crisis in my life (divorce).

As Judge Judy always tries to remind the people who show up on her show, "Your mother will ALWAYS be your mother.  That man who is standing next to you?  You may not even remember his face 10 years from now."... and such.

Always keep love and communications open to your children.  Always let them know that "HOME" is their "SAFE HARBOR" throughout their lives.  You will never lose them.

If you have a faith in God, also trust God to take care of them when the are "out in the world."  Pray for God's help and guidance for them and for you.  God will never leave you... it is usually you who leave Him... I know... I'm finding my way back to Him, too.

Do not dread their growing up... but see each new day, each new year, each new phase of their lives, as a special time to appreciate each special nuance of their lives and yours.  As the adage goes, "The two gifts a parent can give a child is roots, and wings."

Grow WITH your children... mature in your life as they grow in theirs. You will find that they will always "come back" to you, in so many ways.  Be their roots, be their safe harbor, be their lighthouse to guide them through the rocky shoals... and pray for God's blessings on them and yourself... as God is also our roots, harbor, and lighthouse.

Have a Senior day.

Answer 6

it was hard sending them here's a suggestion i don't know if you are a stay at home mom but you might volunteer in her class it will be good for both of you.  Your child will be your greatest contribution to the future..good luck mom and god bless.

Answer 7

You won't dread them growing up. You'll watch them experience new things and grow into wonderful people! You just be the best Mom you can, and advise them the best you can. Make memories with them -- that's so important. When they are much older, you'll hear them reminisce about their childhoods, and you want those memories to be good ones. Relax, and enjoy your wonderful children. You will be fine.

Answer 8

Trust me, you'll be ready for it, if the time ever comes.  These days, grown children are not into moving out, so you may never have to worry about it.  You just get to raise another generation.

Answer 9

Before you know it, they will be begging you for the car keys. Just enjoy them being kids.  

Answer 10

I remember me starting school well, the crying, the tantrums, the resistance.  Finally, my family told me, "You have to go...you're the teacher."

Answer 11

I think that nature has the right idea.  They're born cute and needy, and mom bonds with them immediately and never wants to leave their sides.  As they grow into childhood, they become a lot of fun and they are active in school.  Mom and Dad do everything they can to help them succeed.  At about 13, nature begins to make them less cute.  Nature also gives them smart mouths and bad attitudes and an unending need for money.   This trend intensifies until about 18.  

At that point, nature has stomped on Mom and Dad's warm fuzzy feelings for these adult children.  They begin to realize that on the nights the "little ones" are out, they have freedom to do as they want.  They start to enjoy that freedom.  Thank goodness that jobs and college are the next steps because Mom and Dad now realize that it's time for the "babies" to leave the nest.

So to answer your question, if things go as nature intends, you'll come to a point when you look forward to your sweet baby going to camp for a week in the summer and returning to school each fall.  

Answer 12

Kindergarten is the worst.  You cry all the way home, can't wait for the end of the day, hug them so tight when you pick them up.  It gets steadily easier each year, until they leave for college and you throw yourself a party because you're so happy they're gone.

Answer 13

Every child has phases of life to go through.You have to help them enjoy each one by enjoying it with them.Showing unhappiness will make them think they are to blame.Think what is best for the children not yourself.

Answer 14

I'm 51 and believe me I have learnt from experience not to let my whole self, that is my identity as a person hinge on my children.

When I had children I made up my mind to devote my whole life to them and when they weren't there I felt empty and unfulfilled. BIG MISTAKE.

You are a mother but you are also an individual. You are YOU, Cara. When your kids are at kindy, preschool etc then YOU MUST do something for YOURSELF.  Something that gives you an identity, a purpose or a role which has nothing to do with being a mother.

Go to school yourself. Take a course, learn to surf, paint, pottery, sewing, book keeping, part time job, dance class anything that gives you a sense of purpose and identity outside the home. You know what you like or try something new that you have never even considered before.

I cannot stress enough how important this is. It was advice that came too late for me but thankfully my daughter who has 2 kids has a life of her own as well. She doesnt suffer the empty, lonely feeling I did and still do.

My kids have grown and left home and I'm suffering the worst empty nest syndrome because my whole life revolved around them. I'm now having to go and do all those things I recommended to you and Im LOVING IT.

You owe it to yourself as a person, as an individual with your own hopes and dreams. It will also make you a more well rounded and balanced person and your children can only benefit from that.

.

Answer 15

It has been put in our hearts and nature to love our children and to care for them which is why you feel the way you do. As they grow it is also necessary for them to establish themselves as independent from us so there is a natural "tearing away" in the teenage years. As they enter young adulthood there is usually an arrogance about this independence thing that persists for a time. However as they have children themselves they begin to see what was done for them in love, most of them will mellow, and life as a family returns... usually... but of course with a new role as grand parent. You will find that you love your grand children with the same intensity as you loved you own as well and that your love for your own children will never falter no matter how poorly they treat you.... with "poorly" understating the case at times. Basically, that is the road ahead. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 16

It'll be a relief when they move out. Believe me.

Answer 17

Yes, you probably will but both of you have to start the process of letting go early.

Answer 18

It is part of life and we must get use to it.  It is for the kids best interest to send them to school and I know you want what's best for them.  After awhile you will enjoy your free time.  You don't know what it's like now, but you will start enjoying it.Before you know it you will be looking forward to Sept. (Aug. in some areas ) and summer break is over.  Believe it-----it- will get easier. At first it is tough and it will get easier-------promise.It's just the unknown now with the kids being away from you and not knowing what they're doing or learning.  Just keep tabs and watch what they bring home and have them tell you all about their day. I'm sure your school is like the ones here in the mid-west.  A kindergardner has to be picked up by only someone on the pick up list.  Just anyone can not pick them up. If they ride the bus they have something to tell the bus driver who they are and where they get off.  Again, only a person on the pick up list will be allowed to get them off the bus.  They are well protected. Good luck and enjoy your free time.