Hellppppppppp!!!! 5years olds school....?

Question

My 5 year old boy has been in the same scool since nursery at aged 3 - hes now just turned 5 and is in reception - since being in the reception class he has been in trouble with the teacher and i have been called in the class to see the teacher almost everyweek sometimes every other day saying his behaviour is terrible. Although they never can quite say what the problem is - he isnt violent - he doesnt refuse to do work...

they say the problem is he shows disrespect to them by giving them certain looks and sometimes answers back, and is sometimes naughty with other kids - which they say my son starts! They wanted me to put him in a special programme which deals with problem kids -but it is for kids of all ages and theirll be a police officer present - well this sounded far too much for a little boy to handle for me - he only turned 5 in may! Im thinking about making complaint about the school - my son has told me he wants to stay in the school- but i just dont know what to do??

Answer 1

i would be pleased that the teachers are keen to help, this could really change your sons future, what are the alternatives, that he be ignored and his disruptive behaviour allowed to carry on so doesn't do well at school. i am presently sorting one to one out for my 2 and a half yr old at playgroup. Welcome this help with open arms, he won't be singled out as his classmates are to young to know any thing is different.

Answer 2

I know it must be hard to accept that your child might be causing trouble at school, but I think you need to let the school decide what happens while he is there. You want his behaviour to improve, right? So, go with their suggestion and see if it works.

Answer 3

well my daughter is 5 and in reception.  teachers see your children different to us mums. they are there to teach them and make sure they learn and respect others.  The problem is you only know how he behaves at home? do you honestly find he is a good child or does he cause you problems at home ? do you know the look in which they refer?  look i know he is small and 5 is still young and they are our little babies but a big part of me thinks that the school knows what they are doing as that is their job.  I would not want my daughter to turn out to be a rat and someone that others are scared of later in life not saying he is but children develop and change at a scary rate these days.  I would say ask to observe the class or go with the programme for a while and see what happens.  i know its hard( remember I'm a mum of 3)  but try and look at the situation as a learning programme for the both of you.  we dont have a book and we are not always expected to know the right thing to do.  I would go with it on this occasion and if there is a problem there you could nip it in the bud so to speak.  good luck I'm sure you will do the right thing. x   ps the height thing is a load of cr@p ! I would ask some big questions and possibly change schools if this is possible if things dont work out. Dont be bullied into doing something you dont think is right.

Answer 4

I think at 5 yrs old a child is a child and will act like a child. the schools now expect so much at that age. If he isn't fighting, or refusing to do work then they need to back off. Constantly giving attentino to small things like a look that they may be taking as wrong just encourages the behavior to continue even if the child dosn't know what it is because they are getting extra attention for it. They just need to let him be a kid. Nasty looks seriously most kids just make faces, don't realize what is nasty or not. And what the school sees as trouble starting may be nothing even close. They need to back off, is what it sounds like. If he has been there all this time and has just now become a problem then I would say it is the teacher. They never had a problem before. And special class for bad kids at 5...that is stupid, and very sad. Why sterotype a child so young. this isn't high school hes 5. I would make a complaint for sure, go up the ladder as needed, make your points known.

Answer 5

it sounds rediculous to me...i would make a complaint

Answer 6

I'm sort of torn on this question, on one hand the teachers could be right. Looking at someone may seem like a stupid excuse, but if he is truly doing that then it could stick with him into later life. And a teenager giving dirty looks to another during school time is bullying and hurts people just as much as calling them names or hitting them. However it also sounds like the school may have it out for your son, your right the programme they are suggesting to send your son to is WAY to extreme. Children go to those sort of things when they are literally tearing the school apart, not just giving silly looks. Then suddenly his behaviour is not enough he also might be a health and safety risk because of his height? That is absolute c**p! I knew a young man who was sixth foot before he even hit high school and not once did schools mention he might be a health and safety risk, this sounds like they are just trying to make excuses about your son. I would go ahead and make a complaint and I would even start looking for another school for him to go to. I know he likes it there, but it would be better for him. School is hard enough without teachers bullying you.

Answer 7

Do you know your son? I mean, really know what his expressions mean, can you leave him with anyone and be confident that he is a sociable 5 year old who will not deliberately turn the world around him upside down just for the sake of it (like some kids do)?

If you are confident that you know your kid and that the one the teachers describe is not he, then fight. Fight to defend your little boy. It is not possible that kids are so so different at that age between home and school. Perhaps the particular teacher has a problem or is intolerant and wants kids only in strait jackets.

But no matter what the school says, you know your child best and it is your responsibility to defend him, nurture him, direct him and show him the right way to behave and do things and it is your responsibility to face up and seek medical help if you, not the school, you, suspect there is something the matter.

But do be very careful. I had an incident with one of my boys we moved countries& therefore schools. The first year at his new pre-school he had a teacher who believed in her job and he flourished. At reception he had an old lady with colour issues and I began hearing that my child was not being able to concentrate, not respectful, not being able to add etc etc. My son began refusing to go to school. The school even recomended that he goes to an Occupational therapist (appointed by them). Well, the OT opened my eyes coz she said there was nothing the matter with my boy, he was just a lively little boy who needed space to be a boy, not OT! So i fought the school and eventually when it was time for year one, put him in a new school where he flourished. So take what you hear from school with a big pinch of salt and realise what else could be at play here.

Good luck.

Answer 8

This is a very tough situation to be in. How does your child act at home with you? When he is with other people in the family how does he act? If neither of you are seeing bad behavior from him when family is around. I would really consider getting a second opinion if you are not seeing behavior issues at home. If you are seeing the issues then I would follow through with what the teachers are saying. If you are not seeing it then maybe something is occurring in the classroom that is making him misbehave the teacher and him could have a personality conflict or a child and him could have issues. Feel comfortable with your decision before you make it. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

a health and safety risk because he is tall for his age.... well god help my daughter who is 3 but the height of a 5 year old due to start nursery this september!  that ridiculous!

As for your son being naughty in school, you need to ask what exactly is he doing and ask if you can sit in the school one day in the background just keeping an eye on him to see what exactly he is doing whilst he is there and then you decide if you think there is a problem, he may just be doing what every normal kid does but the teachers are pointing him out because he it the 'tall' one.

I would certainly speak to the headteacher and tell them you are not happy about him going into a special program and you feel he is being singled out.

Answer 10

what is he like at home, what does he do with the other children?  personally i can't understand why there is such a big fuss being made over a few looks and answering back, that can be handled ust by the teacher taking away part of playtime or something like that, my son has shown much worse behaviour than that (hitting children at random and hitting teachers, bullying children, refusing to do work etc) and the teachers don't call me into school unless they really feel that they can't handle the situation (which is rare) the school year is almost over now so try a few behaviour tricks at home like the naughty step or taking away a favourite toy for a day and rewarding good behaviour at the end of the week with a trip to the park etc and then stick to it, when your boy goes back to school tell him at the start of the day be good today and you'll get a surprise and bring with you a small chocolate bar when you pick him up then ask the teacher how he was.

what my boy's school does is a behaviour chart with the days of the weeks and three sections when he's been good he get a sticker and then when he gets three stickers i give him a treat at the end of the day, if he gets three stickers every day for the week then he gets taken out somwhere or he plays on our computer or something like that and when he doesn't get three stickers for the day and he tells us why (or the teacher does) he gets his computer game taken or something else that he enjoys until he's good again.  believe me it works,  i think this special programme should be saved as a last resort, and as for you boy being tall for his age and it being a health and safety issue i've never heard of such utter b****x in all my life if that were true then my friends kids couldn't go to school they are aged 10 and 8 and they are in clothes meant for 13/14 year olds (yes i'm telling the truth) so i'm afraid the teachers are talking utter bull on that subject.

i know my answer is a little long winded but i sincerely hope it helps, take care and let me know how you get on please.

Answer 11

It sounds to me like because his behaviour has been a problem in the past, that he's now been labelled, and teachers aren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination and could be rubbing him up the wrong way. If they can't specify what the actual problem is, then they're doing something wrong. If I was you I would ask for a meeting with the headmaster and his teacher, and talk it through.