Help, Grand daughter wants me to let her date!.

Question

My grand daughter wants to date, she will be 16 in December. She was adopted by me when she was a baby and her Mom doesn't play a big role in her life and her father she has never met.

She has met a nice boy and she feels she should be allowed to date, do you think this would be wise?? She is a great girl, all Honor classes and very respectful to others, I kind of think I should let her, does anyone agree ?

Answer 1

yes let her date im 12 and i can date  

Answer 2

Yes. Ask to meet his parents before the first one, it might be uncomfortable for the kids but better for the adults; plus it opens up the line of communication between the adults which is important for everyone. As long as you always know where she is, what she is doing, you can reach her whenever you want, and she follows your rules, she should be allowed to date. Let her know that, then she can show you she's responsible, which it sounds like she is. She'll also feel better because it shows you respect her and trust her as long as she respects you. Kids never understand why adults want to know so much, but she'll appreciate it later. Talk with her after her dates so you can feel better about it, just let her know you're interested and worried, that's all.

Also let her know that if she's ever in an uncomfortable or unsafe situation she can call you and you will come help her, no matter what happened. She needs that reassurance, it shows respect, and it will prevent her from trying to handle difficult situations by herself and possibly getting in more trouble. Let her know that if she calls, you won't be mad or punish her right away, you'll help solve the problem first and you two can work out the consequences later after everyone is safe and is calmed down, if applicable.

She needs some space which is ok and natural, you know she's a good girl and he's a nice boy. Whenever they are around talk to them and they'll learn to open up to them, but respect their privacy also, to a degree.

Answer 3

Yes, you should let her date.

It's not worth the risk of her doing it behind your back.

You should also have and frank and supportive talk about s*x and birth control.

I realize the thought of her becoming sexually active must mortify you but in reality once a teenager decides they want to, there is no stopping them.

If she has to lie to you about it you won't be able to help her make the right decisions.  

And always insist you meet the boy before she is allowed to go out with him.

Answer 4

Yeah, 16 is old enough.  I can't imagine having her wait until she's an adult or even 17.

Answer 5

I think it would be fine. But do it slowly. Don't just let her go, give her boundaries. And it is at a perfect age, you don't want to wait too long because when she finally is aloud to, you don't want her trying to catch up on EVERYTHING that she thinks she has missed out on(s*x, drugs, parties). So, be careful.

Answer 6

yess but first u should have the boy over first and see wat he is like.

Answer 7

I would totally let her date! It's not like she's going to get married to him, but she needs to be experienced for when she meets "the guy".  

Answer 8

Good grief, woman!  Let the poor girl date!  She's obviously ready, considering her age and intelligence!

Answer 9

If she has shown to you so far that she has a good head on her shoulders I say yes, but only with conditions.  Set your limits and see if she can follow them.  This will test her to see if you can trust her. Let her know u love her but there will be rules to follow with her and him.  We are in an age that so much can happen.  Prepare for all of it.  Continue to talk to her on how to stay safe in every angle.  The hardest part of raising a child is when we have to start letting go.  Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 10

Betsy, sounds as if you've answered yourself by stating that she is a good gal.  Remember being 16 yourself and having all the crushes on the boys and they you.  Allow her to go out into the big world and have her heart broken a couple of times, while at the same time breaking others hearts.  Certainly a curfew would not be out of line, nor would an introduction to this young man to put your mind at ease.  Sounds also like you are a very caring and loving grandparent who might be a bit overprotective.  I understand that life hasn't dealt this kid the greatest hand, but with a fine grandma like you supporting her she will do just fine.  Best of luck to you both.

Answer 11

Wow Betsy!

Tough one!

I told my daughters they were free to date after their 25th birthday, otherwise their suitors can come and look at my gun collection.

They laugh, but they are wrapped up in school and activities and thank God they're not asking this!

It does sound like she is very responsible, I would definitely ask the boy over and just have a nice talk about like, what his intentions are, and that 9:30 isn't too late to bring her home. I would say just get involved, because if I'm not mistaken, these years are the most delicate ones for "Father/Daughter" relationships. My girls have all my attention, I don't date or anything, so they aren't looking for any male figure.

Sounds good to go otherwise, and you sound on top of it, why not give it a go?

But I would have a serious talk to her about these tender years and the Dad/Daughter thing, so she is informed of her underlying needs should she not be able to figure this out on her own.

I really hope the best for her on this!

Wally

Answer 12

I understand..May I suggest what i did with my daughter when she was 16 and she wanted to date. I invited my daughter to bring him over and we all cooked dinner together. One learns allot about others while cooking and preparing food. I think we Spaghetti with home made sauce. and played board games. As she got older she realized why I did this when she asked me about her daughter. (opinion) 16 is too young to "date" but letting her have a report with her friend at a safe environment paid off. oh and the boy was not for her.

Answer 13

yes let her date, unless you feel that that guy is not right for her, dont try to keep her from dating that will only cause her to rebel against you and date behund your back, if she ever dates a guy that you see unfit just sit her down and talk to her about it.

Answer 14

shes growing up. everyone does. its time to begin to let her experience the real world. before you know it, she'll be going off to college, getting married and having kids.  its all just a part of life every parent or grandparent has to face someday.  

Answer 15

she sounds responsible enough to make good choices for herself, and you sound involved enough to know when to step in if things go wrong for her.  i think you should let her go for it.

Answer 16

Sure let her. Remind her that she still needs to respect herself. Meet him as well. If you keep her locked up, then she'll just go wild in time, and you don't want that.

Answer 17

Sounds like you've raised a wonderful grand daughter.  You might suggest that the first date be with a group.  It will take a lot of the pressure off her, and will probably keep her in a more open and safe atmosphere.  Congrats on your child rearing and good luck.

Answer 18

she's at that age where she's going to wanna date a guy. you should let her go but find out where she's going and you should meet the guy and see how he is before you let her dater him.

Answer 19

She is almost 16. I wouldn't encourage single dating until she is 16 maybe for now you can encourage a double date or even group dating

She sounds like a trust worthy young lady despite her tough life.

It's just a suggestion. Just follow your heart in how you feel. :0)