Help, I have FREEZING cold feet!!!?

Question

So my fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years. I've known that I want to marry him since the first month we were together. Of course we have our issues, but more or less our relationship is great. Trouble is, we're getting married next Saturday (like 8 days), and I am FREAKING OUT. I feel like I'm making a huge mistake, but I don't know why. And in other worlds, should I be insulted that none of my girls had a shower for me? Wow, I sound like a first class ***** here, sorry!!!! HELP!!!!!

Answer 1

If you feel like you're making a "huge mistake", then it's obviously not time to get married. You're not ready, or you've realized that your "isues" are not resolved to the point where you should be in a highly committed relationship that should last until you both depart.

Answer 2

You probably are just stressed out. You're also going through a huge change in your life, and it's normal to be nervous. Of course, everyone around you can't stop talking about how happy they are for you, and how happy you must be, so eventually, you start thinking, well, hey, why do I feel nervous? This must be a mistake. Unless there are serious issues underlying it, unless you have specific reasons for being nervous and you know that those reasons won't change, just try to relax and enjoy yourself.

And yeah, that's really lame of your friends to have not thrown you a shower. I'd be pretty upset, too.

Answer 3

if you love him go for it! dont worry about the shower. maybe someone told them you dont like that sort of thing. maybe u sent a vibe saying u dont want one. but every1 gets cold feet and it doesnt MEAN ANYTHING. if you love being with him and cant stand being away from him do it. if he treats you bad and you cant stand him thats a different story.

Answer 4

It's hard to help you if you don't know why but yeah I think cold feet are expected.  Freezing feet?  I don't know about that.  Do you feel you're missing out on something?  I don't really get a good enough feel for it.  I think you know more why you're freaking out but just aren't divulging.

In other worlds, yes you should be insulted by no shower.  So, your maid of honor and bridesmaids don't know they are to plan this?  Do you even have bridesmaids?  If you do, somebody should have done something by now.

Answer 5

Cold feet are normal it's just nerves and excitement for the big day but doubts are something different.  Word of advice don't walk down the aisle if you don't think it is right.  Deposits are made and guests have been invited but none of it is worth it if it ends in divorce.  

The grass is not always greener on the other side if you have a good man don't let that go unless your not in love.

As for the shower OF COURSE you have reason to be upset I would have been if my bridesmaid's didn't throw me a shower.  Try dropping hints and see how they react?

Good luck!

Answer 6

First of all, yes, I'd be really hurt if none of my bridesmaids or friends threw me a shower.  It's a way of showing your support & to congratulate the bride.  The fact that they didn't throw you one may either show they were too immature to even know they were supposed to OR they just plain & simple don't support this marriage.  Only you know which one it is.

Secondly, if you're having doubts, NOW is the time to get it clear in your head.  There's a difference in cold feet about the WEDDING (i.e. being worried that you'll fall while walking down the aisle or being worried your crazy uncle will get drunk....these are normal concerns).  But if you're actually questioning the r'ship then you need to take a step back & really think about your decision here.  I know alot of planning & money goes into weddings.  Brides tend to go through with it just so they won't disappoint anyone or they're afraid of how it will look.  But the fact is, if you decide to go through with it, you might have to deal with a messy divorce later....so which is worse?  The key is to evaluate your r'ship with a clear head.  If I were you, I'd take a couple days off work and just go to the lake or someplace peaceful (not home) where you can just be alone with your thoughts.  It's absolutely NORMAL to be a little nervous at how big this commitment is....in fact, some brides don't take it seriously enough!  This is a lifetime thing & it's serious.  But you have to determine whether you're nervous about the wedding, the commitment, or the man.  If you're nervous about the man, then you may want to think about postponing the wedding.  You want to get married KNOWING fully 100% that this is the person you were meant to be with.

When my husband and I got married, we were both so sure that it really just felt like a normal day to us!  I mean, I was nervous about tripping down the aisle with every eye on me but that was it.  I wasn't nervous about him or our r'ship.  It's like what people say.....you just KNOW....there's something in the deepest part of your heart that just knows without a doubt.  If you don't have that, then I'd postpone!

Answer 7

If you are in love with him, everything should be fine. Everyone has little "quirks" that bother you. But in the end those things that are annoying, you end up loving the most. I say if you KNOW for sure that you are supposed to be together, why not get married? If you aren't sure, then, maybe set the date back.  

Answer 8

A shower isn't a necessary part of a wedding...but it's always a nice gesture. If your MOH or BM's didn't plan something, usually your mom or sister should do it instead. You probably should have talked about it with one of them months ago if you really wanted one, it's a little late now. But as far as the getting married part goes, if you really feel like you're making a huge mistake, then don't get married. Having to go through a divorce is awful and if you're going into the marriage feeling like it's a mistake, chances are it's not going to last. After 3 years of dating it should be pretty clear if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and if you have doubts at this point, you need to cut your losses and walk away.  

Answer 9

I don't mean to scare you, but one of the issues I've seen with people who decide they want to get married early on in the relationship is that the decision is driven by the infatuation that's felt at the beginning of the relationship.  Then, they keep saying they want to get married because that's what's been assumed all along.  But they've never really thought about the fact that the relationship has changed in the past few years, and now looking at things without that initial infatuation and bliss, do you REALLY want to get married?  I think you really need to be honest with yourself at this point because it is harder to get a divorce than to call off a wedding.  Good luck.