Help, friend and boyfriends!?

Question

Hi

I need some advice, I have got two problems really but they are linked, my friend has had a number of boyfriends this year but they have all ended in a few months, she rushed into them quickly but I just decided to stay out of it as its her life, I didn't really dislike any of them, me and my friends got on with them well, its just when ever she gets a new boyfriend she stops going out with me and my friends 99% of the time, I understand that it is important that she spends time with him alone etc but when they end she comes back and accepts everything to be the same when we haven’t really seen her for months apart from at college. But she’s got this new guy and we have known him for years but haven’t spoken for year, he just broke up with his girlfriend (2 years together) and he is suddenly back and I am worried he might just be using my friend to get back at his girlfriend, (there is a long history between the 3 of them) I told her I don't really trust him but left it at that, I am just worried about her because she is ill at the moment, I know she isn't my responsibility its just are have to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong and I am just fed up of all the drama and just want some space. I am just going to leave her to it but she sometimes just makes me feel rubbish because she always goes on about all these relationships she has had and I have never had a serious relationship before (I am 16) I have guy friends and am confident around them I just feel that I might come across cold now and again as my friends flirt a lot! Any advice.

Please help, thanks xxxx

Answer 1

Sounds to me like you are a very smart young lady! I believe that you are doing the right thing by voicing your opinion then backing off. If you care deeply for this friend, witch you obviously do then you don't want to push her away by trying to pick her boyfriends! I have come to realize mistakes are better off being made rather than pointed out.

As for you feeling as if you may be coming off cold....don't worry about it. Live your life to the fullest and exactly how you want to while you're young without anyone trying to interfere, other than family of course. When you find that someone that is willing to sit on the sidelines until the time is right for you...then you've found your prince charming!

Well you didn't really need all this mumbo jumbo from me because it seems like you have things well under control but i do hope the encouraging words help! Good luck in life!

Answer 2

i think you need to tell her that she needs to balance her time between her and her bf because she gets too into them and they always break her heart and let her know that your concerned that the guy may be using her and that you dont want to see her get hurt for the 2835785th time. and maybe be a little more flirty with your guy friends?

Answer 3

well it's really not fair for your friend to treat your like that, because it seems like she's using you. i think the best thing to do is talk to her, tell her how you feel and see how she reacts.

as for this guy at the moment, yr right - she's not your responsibility but you should warn her and tell her what you think, then at least you tried.

I really think the best thing is to sit down and talk to her and if she's not happy with that then maybe she's not as good a friend as your thought, but that way you tried to fix things and just didn't ditch her.

Also just ignore if she tries to make you feel bad about all your guy friends - she is most likely jealous.

Hope this helps & good luck.  

Answer 4

You need to talk to ur friend and tell her the truth about how you feel. Then talk to her new man and tell him that you think you know what he's doing...using her...and that your going to keep an eye out for her and he better heed your warning. But don't get too stressed over this, please. :(  Stress is bad for you and will make you old before your time!  

Answer 5

Shoot them all.

Answer 6

ok yeah wow. ide say u should try and tell her how u feel and try to have a serious conversation. it might end up in u 2 getting in a fight but most likely you will get over it and forgive each other quickly. but tell her that ur worried that he might be using her and if ur friends with him then try talking to him but do not come straight out and ask him are u using her be sneaky if u come straight out then he will lie. sorry if this didn't help at all. if u want some one to talk to emil me  

Answer 7

First of all i think that you need to tell your friend that you cant make decisions for her but u can give her advice, wether she takes it or not is up to her. If you dont like this guy just tell her how u feel about him and then leave it up to her. At least then you have done your bit by telling her ur opinion which is what friends are for. I think that you should add in ther that she should c u more wen she has a bf as frends do come first. I have the same trouble with my best frend, and its really annoying when i have to sit around and be bored whilst she has made all of these plans with her fella. The best thing to do is just tell her exactly how u feel about the balance between frends and boyfrends and that she cant always keep running back when it suits her because it gives you more stress.

        Your last problem i think you just need to be yourself and if u like sum1 just give small hints. If they dont respond then they're not worth it. Get out ther and strut your stuff :P x x

Answer 8

dont conform

Answer 9

dont worry if you havent has a serious relationship as it will come, if its really inckling you then tell your friend what shes doing form your perspective as she will be seeing it differently, warn her but thats the most you can do

Answer 10

if you and her are really good friends, then you should give it a shot by talking to her, and explain to her where you're coming from, let her know how you feel, and that you don't want to see her get hurt, if that doesn't work, try to keep a lookout for her current boyfriends behavior, and see how he really is with her, try to find out if he's meeting his ex, or does his ex have a boyfriend, etc, then explain to your friend again, if she still decides not to pay heed to what you're saying, you should let her be how she is, and decrease your friendship with her as much as you could, this is just my opinion and advice on what I would've done because my own best friend was in a similar situation, however when i talked to her, she listened and understood, i don't know if your friend would, but i guess you can give it a shot. Good Luck

Answer 11

Well you said yourself that when she gets a new boyfriend she stops hang out for a long time. And when she breaks up with her boyfriend she except you to be their for her. I had the same problem with my friend  that is her realtionship she is giong to do what she wants. And if you feel that she always push you off to the side when she gets a boyfriend. I wouldn't worry because it is best not to say something then to tell her and she takes it the wrong way. You stay yourself and please take space for yourself if she calls you and you don't feel like being borther then don't answer because i see this is making you upset . And you don't need that extra stress so you just enjoy your life and worry about you. Ok just be there for your friend. but still know when to keep your distance.

Answer 12

For someone who is unstable with relationships, needs to put their friends first. Well s***w that, you should always put your friends first. If she keeps going off with guys who are on the re-bound and then things don't go too well and by this time you two are no longer friends because she hasn't wanted to know you for the last two months, because she is with him. Then she will have no-one. It sounds like she is very desperately trying to find the right one and being too picky and too fast. She needs to take things slow with them, this will allow a better connection and better peace of mind, because when it's not too good with a fella. The break will be easier and she will still be surrounded by all her chums!

Ok, I just read that back and it doesn't make perfect sense. Sorry

Answer 13

Well it sounds like you're friend needs to slow down on the guys and boyfriends and relationships all together.

Tell her how you feel. She wont change or stop doing whatever is bothering you unless you tell her how you feel and what she is doing to make you feel that way. If she cant accept that and she gets mad at you or whatever than maybe you just need to leave her alone and get new friends. I've had something like that happen with me and my friend. She never comes to me unless she got dumped or broke up with a guy. I just got some new friends. I hoped I helped.

Marie<3

Answer 14

If your friend gets a boy toy and leaves you all the time s***w that you dont need a friend like that. i had that happen to me before and i just told my friend straight out that she has to choose between the guy(s) or her friendship with me. Friendship is much more important than a stupid guy that is most likly using your friend. just talk to her! trust me =] goodluckk.

Answer 15

DO what your heart tells you

Answer 16

Maybe you should tell you friend how you feel, let her know that she can't expect to just come back into your group when she hasn't given you the time of day. I think the guy, you need to do what your heart tells you, if you really feel strongly that he's up to something then you should tell you friend and confront him, ask him what he wants if not then maybe you should let your friend make her own mistakes.

However if shes ill don't let him take advantage of her.

Answer 17

she will have to figure this out on her own my bestfriend is the same why gets a boyfriend and doesn't talk to her friends then comes back around

Answer 18

Ok well i can help you a little. You need to sit down with your friend and explain all this to her and let her know how you feel.  it she is sensetive she might get mad at you and not talk to you for a while and stuff BUT eventually she will realize that what she did is wrong and that she should spen equal amout of time with you and him.

if she gets mad... tell her your sorry and try top re-explain what you told her in the first place.

Your welcome! Hope this helps! Good luck!