Help, my friend is cross-dressing her son.?

Question

My best friend has never gotten over not having the little girl she expected 4 years ago when her son was born. As a result, she's kept his hair long and at least some of his clothes come from the girl's department. I think she'll probably cut it before school but How much of a problem is this? Anyone ever dealt with this situation before?

Answer 1

Honestly, if he isn't in dresses or clothes that are very obviously girls clothes then what is the problem? I know a lot of people who don't cut their son's hair until they are older. I've seen this mostly with boys that have beautiful curls...the moms (in particular) don't want to cut the curls because they are so pretty. Once he is around boys more he will most likely want to dress like them.

Answer 2

I have pictures of my great grandfather when he was three years old - - he's wearing a dress!!!!  It seems that at the end of the 19th century it was fashionable to dress your sons in girls clothes. Earnst Hemingway's mom would dress him in girls clothes until he was 10 years old!  Somehow these guys survived without any permanent psychological damage.  

I don't think that girl's clothes has any special powers over boys.  I don't think the problem is in the cut of the cloth, rather the problem is in the message.  Is the mom conveying a message to her son, that she doesn't love him unless he dresses and acts like a girl?  If he thinks he needs to be a girl in order to get his mother's love then, "yes" he will have problems.

Answer 3

In some Islander communities if they have a certain number of boys, they then bring up one as a girl.  I'm assuming your friends not Islander though, and doesn't have 10 other boys.  She's really got to let go of not having a girl.  He'll probably get over being dressed a little differently, but the vibes she's sending out won't be missed by the kid - he'll feel unwanted and not good enough.  I don't really know what you can do about it..... Give him really boyish gifts for birthdays and xmas's. It sounds like a bit of a worry for both their sakes.... she really has to accept him for who he is.  I guess you can just keep commenting on how lucky she is to have a boy like that and emphasising the good points.  I wouldn't confront her in a very direct manner though - she is still his mother and will have to work through it herself.  Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes, my father did some 67 years ago.  At around age 5 he took his clothes off and blamed his disrobing on a transient.  Of course his mom marched him to the station to point someone out in a line up, which he did, and he never wore girls clothes again.  Dad's been happily married for 46 years, he has 3 children and has grandchildren.  He fought forest fires for many years.

In many cultures dressing a boy in girls clothes is meant as protection, a protection from evil spirits... but a protection.  For your friend's boy, as soon as he is around other boys he will want to wear boy clothes and be a regular boy - well unless he was born a little different then most.  It's not going to damage him or his psyche, but it might make him a little mad at his mom.  If he's like other little boys, there is nothing she can do to divert his development, he is a boy and will be a man someday.

Answer 5

Eh' its really her choice, nothing you can do about it. The kid will grow up and do his own thing eventually. My husbands mom did it to him and it made him keep his hair buzzed and resent anything "girly" but its not a huge deal, I used to cross dress my little brother and take pictures of him didnt torment him for life or anything just some embarassing pictures lol its weird but... aw well people do what people do. I would just leave it alone and not worry about it.