Help,3 1/2 yr old behavior issues!!

Question

My son's behavior is bringing me to the breaking point. I find myself spending more than half of each day as a SAHM discplining him. He is disrespectful to me, throws things at me when he doesn't get his way, talks back to me (ex "no you pick up your stuff mom). He runs around like a crazy man jumping off our furniture and cutting up paper, destructive things instead of constructive playing. This week he pinched me with plyers and drew blood while i was talking to my hubby on the phone about some bills. He picked up and dumped his dinner plate in the floor last night to avoid eating brocoli and rice. I've tried anything and everything i can think of, charts, timeouts, taking away toys, sending him to his room, quite frankly nothing seems to be getting the message across to him. please help, i'm loosing my mind!

Answer 1

You have to let your son know what is acceptable and what isn't, you're the boss/parent...when he acts out, tell him in a firm voice, you're being naughty and give him a time-out, 3 minutes sitting on a chair, if he doesn't do it, physically sit him on the chair, if gets up, sit him on it again...if he has a tantrum and gets all wild, take him in your arms, sit him on your lap and restrain him, no matter how much he resists, flails, yells and tries to get away, hold him firmly until he calms down, then sit him on the chair again...be consistent, "every time" he acts out show him you will not tolerate his behavior...when he dumps his dinner plate, physically remove him from the table and put him in his room, if he throws things, hits or pinches you, tell him, that hurts mommy, you are very naughty and on the chair he goes, once he knows you won't give in to his antics, it may take a while, but he will sit on the chair because you will make sure he has no other choice.

When he is good, praise and reward him...you were such a good boy today, pick him up and dance around the room, smiles, hugs and kisses, you were so good I'm taking you out for ice cream and take him.

In the morning tell him, if you're a really good boy today, after lunch we'll go to the park, after lunch say, time to pick up your toys so we can go to the park, if he refuses, don't you want to play on the swings and go down the slide, so hurry up so we can go, get him into the same routine everyday....taking him outside everyday, running around in the fresh air and sunshine will make him less aggressive...limit snacks with sugar, 100% juice popsicles are a great treat....cereal or sliced apples in a baggie.

Everyday set up a playtime, put on some music and sit with him and color, fingerpaint, cut out pictures, count, abc's, act goofy, dance, or sing songs together...it's a good time to practice please and thank you's (please pass me the red crayon, thank you...always make a big deal about his artwork, how great it is and how much you love it and hang it on the frig or wall.

When you put your son to bed, let him pick out a book for you to read, after reading it, have a little talk about your day together...if it was a good day, say, I had so much fun with you today! I'll bet we're going to have even more fun tomarrow!! you were such a good boy...a hard day, you know mommy doesn't want to make you sit on the chair, we have so much fun when you're a good boy, so if you're a good boy tomarrow where do you want to go to have fun with mommy.

If you have family or friends with kids around the same age you could set up a play date, he'll have someone to play with and learn social skills.

We have to teach our kids to have respect, responsibility, acceptable behavior,

keep them safe and love them with all our heart.

Kids love lots of smiles, hugs and I love you's.

Answer 2

sounds like he needs a structured and routine set day. Instead of letting him think of ways to play (which are destructive) you have activities planned for him to do during the day that will keep him busy.

don't use food to bribe and rewards for him to do something he already knows how to do. I know its an easy fix but the goal is for him to make better choices about his behavior not become dependent on rewards.

try consequences for his actions rather than what you have been trying. if he dumps his plate, that's fine don't over react just say ok your cleaning that up and make him clean every last bit up and don't react to his telling you what to do. say this is what we are doing now and if you need me to help you then I will. however your 'helping' would be to get behind him and use your body to bend over(naturally he has to bend in this position also) and start helping him with hand over hand to clean it up.

try to switch the overall mood in the home to 'what kind of things will I have to put up with today' to what kinds of things shall we learn today.

change your language to less don't  do that to more you can do this or this take your choice.

I hope some of this helps.

good luck to you

Answer 3

Try spanking him...Spank him and then tell him what he did wrong. Or lock get a small closet with nothing inside but a nightlight, lock him in for five minutes and let him out. Then explain why he was in there, this is an attention issue and make sure you stay consistent.

A spanking should be a last resort though if the 5 minutes in the locked closet doesn't work, make sure you ignore him when he's in the closet. Like walk away and take a 5 minute break when he's int he timeout.

Answer 4

i know this is going to sound useless when you have tried so many things but i just read about how positive reinforcement can work where time-outs and such don't...

i started trying it with my wild 2 year old and its seemed to help...when he does things i want him to do i give him an MnM and praise the heck out of him...when he says sorry or please i really make him feel good for doing it and although i feel like i'm bribing him to be good i've actually started to notice a change.

good luck and hang in there...i'm sure he's a good boy and your a good mom...my son just has so much energy sometimes he just unleashes it all

Answer 5

I have the best answer for you! Children love it when they can get a rise out of you or any sort of response. My suggestion would be to litterally ignore him and make him think you really dont care what he does and when you have no reaction it makes them wonder. Its not fun for them anymore when they cant even get a response out of you.

Answer 6

Usually when a kid is acting this way it's because he sees it from somewhere else. I'm not saying he sees it at home but does he spend a lot of time with other people ; a friend's, family members, etc? The plyers thing is especially freaking me out!

Does he get much attention from you when he's not behaving badly? Lots of kids act out because  they know they get attention this way. That's my experience from a nanny's stand point ; although I do not stand for a kid hitting me. That's pretty much game over for them and the two times it has happened with two different kids, was the last time. You have to be firm and not loose your cool of they know they're in control.

Try taking a look at this site

http://addadhdadvances.com/childhitting....

Answer 7

This is your problem right here "I've tried anything and everything i can think of, charts, timeouts, taking away toys, sending him to his room, quite frankly nothing seems to be getting the message across to him."  INCONSITENCY.  That isn't your son's fault that is your fault.  You keep changing the discipline and confusing him.  The reason for the tantrums is to get your attention and he IS getting it.  You have enabled that behavior.  Rather than giving the negative behavior attention walk away when he mouths off, walk away when he throws things.  You're doing nothing but feeding into his behavior.  Time outs DO work when you use them CONSITENTLY.  You can't use them one day and because he gets out of time out on his own decide that it isn't working...you have to keep putting him back INTO time out.  He isn't going to change his behavior over night, you have to continue using the time outs because he IS only three years old and is pretty much acting like a three year old.  You can't expect him to behave as an adult because he isn't an adult.  Also how did he get a pair of pliers to begin with?  Why weren't they put away where he couldn't get to them?  I'm wondering that if he can get hold of pliers can he get hold of a saw as well?  Maybe a hammer?  Who is supervising this child?

Answer 8

I would say use a punishment that relates to each of his misbehaviors. These are my ideas:

Whenever he throws stuff at you, take away all his toys (all of them, preferably) and tell him he can't have them back until you are sure he won't throw them at you.

If he talks back to you, wash out his mouth with soap or vinegar (soap tastes worse, but you have to be really careful not to use too much). My parents did this to me when I swore.

If he's "running around like a crazy man" it sounds like he has too much pent up energy. Take him on walks or lots of trips to the park and let him wear himself out.

If he's doing anything to hurt you or others, like with the pliers, spank him immediately and then ask him "do you know why I did that?" If you don't believe in spanking, you could try time out or sending him to his room, but he shouldn't be able to get into the toolbox in either case.

If he dumps his dinner on the floor, let him go to bed hungry. Make sure he can't get into any snacks during the night. You might want to try finding veggies that he likes, though, a lot of little kids like peas and corns.

I know some of these sound harsh, but they should get the idea across. Also, when he does something right, like picking up his toys without being asked, reward him with praise, stickers, etc. Positive reinforcement is just as important as negative. Hope this helps!

Oh I forgot to add this before: if you do choose to spank him, make sure that you are disciplining him, not just hitting him out of anger. If you can't calm down quickly enough to give him an unemotional spanking, then choose a different disciplinary method because it'll seem more like revenge than discipline to him.