Help? Advice? I don't know how to do this...?

Question

I think I want a divorce. I'm only 18 and I have my whole life ahead of me. I want to go to college and have a career, not be married and have babies. I only got married because I wanted to leave a bad home life and he said he didn't want to live together unless we were married. Now I'm totally regretting it all. I should be enjoying college life right now but instead he's joined the air force and we'll be moving around everywhere. I'm not ready to be tied down to one person and I guess I was just too weak to stand up for myself before I got married and say "No! I don't want to do this!" I've been thinking about divorce for months now, but everytime I bring it up my husband just bawls his eyes out like a big baby, guilting me into changing my mind. I don't want this. I have hopes and goals and dreams I want to accomplish, but I can't do them with him. Lately I've been trying to push away from him emotionally, no more affection or s*x or anything. I wish I could just cut the emotional ties he has so that he wouldn't cry every time I talk to him. We've been going to see a marriage counselor for a couple months, but now I've realized, No. I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to be married anymore. This isn't for me. Not now. Not with him.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Or advice to give me? Everyone always says "well maybe it'll get better". But that's all they ever tell me. I need advice on how to bring up divorce, or how to get a divorce, or how I should approach him, etc. Please help?

Answer 1

more or less you are the run away kid. Have no idea what you want or may getting too.

Stupid enough to get married to give you a reason to run away. Have you ever look back, going to college is also the give you an opportunity to stay away from home?

What happen when college is not work out for you? after get yourself in dept, no job, no money no home than you have to either run back to home, him, or have to married some one again so he will take you in.

I see lot of youngster get married and go college and work hard to build up their life. I think it is time you should think something like that.

If you have though of run away from your own family than you will never have a family to begin with. One day you will look back and there is no place that you can call home. So, good luck with running.

Answer 2

Get a job, get your own place then serve him divorce papers. Try not to marry again until you are sure that you are ready.

Answer 3

The counseling worked. It really did. You are now sure of what you want to do. That's success. We know nothing about your resources. Parents? Other relatives? Some place you can leave to. Your first job will be to get it through to him that this is it. Sometimes that means you're gone long enough he comes to accept it. He's going to cry and scream and beg and write letters and all sorts of things. Know that that's normal, because, like most people, he thought he had the future all worked out. HE WILL GET OVER IT. Make a workable plan. Leave. Work out the divorce once he gets past the disbelief, or if he doesn't get past it, file when you're able.  

Answer 4

you need to make up your mind before kids arrive because kids add more attachment to your husband. If you want to follow your dreams do what you want follow your dreams. Because if you are not happy your marriage will never ever be happy no matter how hard you work at it. And he is what you call a needy person cause he crys and makes you cling to him or change your mind. He needs to learn to be more self assertive person. But if you feel that you are destine to do more then what you are doing now. Its your choice not your husbands or people on the internet its YOUR choice to make. Cause if you have kids with your husband you really cant do what you want and go for what you want. He will survive and he will move on just like you will. Go for your dreams and follow your own heart not his or a strangers YOURS best of luck with your decision. I know its not a easy choice its a hard long road but you will get through it if you listen to your heart

Answer 5

hon....all the paths lead to the end...none of us leave this Earth alive.....you have to live your life the way you want to live it; with that said,   you chose to get married, so now you have to be an adult and tellf your husband this isn't what you really want....tell him, then stick to your guns and go get an education and your future......Godspeed....trust me, once you start living your life true to YOUR heart, it will all work aout just perfectly

Answer 6

Those people who are telling you it will get better could not be more wrong! Trust me, things will only get worse. Sweetie, you are much much too young to be this unhappy! Do NOT let your husband guilt you into staying with him. It will only make you resent him more and more for keeping you there. Are there any children involved? If not, consider yourself blessed! Please, follow what your gut is telling you. Like I said, you are too young to be so unhappy and you have a long happy life ahead of you. Good luck in whatever you decide!! I hope this gives you the courage to stand up to your pathetic cry baby of a husband!  

Answer 7

Explain to him how stupid you were to get married in the first place.  Tell him that you can't stick to the sacred vows you took.

Tell him it's better to give up now, rather than try to make it work and fail.

Explain how you'll be unhappy and lonely when he's not around and just end up cheating on him.

Let him know that your feelings are the only ones that matter to you.

He'll understand.

Answer 8

Look either leave and get your own place and file for divorce or have a long talk telling him you are going to leave if you don't start living the life you want to live like going to college if he doesn't support you on that you are gone!

Answer 9

Saying you can't get no where in life if your married, Your wrong, you don not have to move every where he goes, you can stay put.

2nd his job can help put you through college,

3rd don't make excuses for marriage not letting you reach your goals in life, The only person stopping you is your self.

Plus you used him to get out of home, I had a hard life to, you have no one to blame but your self.

Life is never easy, it is not free, if you want something you have to work for it, being married is not a reason for stopping you. I have known many people who are married and go to college and ge their dreams. I am getting ready to put my wife through school, I want her to see her dreams, we are working at it together.

I don't want to sound mean, but you seem a bit selfish, only cause your young,  The reason you hubby cried is he cares about you and loves you, and your breaking his heart. He needs some one better than you, the way it seems.

You could have everything, I bet you won't make it through college, You wanted to quit and get out of the house, you want to quit the marriage and get out, I bet you will quit college. Life is hard, I lived on the street once, Now 7 yrs later. I got 2 cars and 4 bedroom house in the country, I worked hard for 60 hours a week. You can only make it if you really want to try.

Good luck to you

Answer 10

If you tried counseling and you are sure that you both can't work on your goals at the same time, then you should cut your loses. You are clearly not happy and not able to meet his needs as his wife. As hard as it is you owe it to him to end the marriage so he can find someone who really loves him. You really only used him although if your homelife was that bad, I understand that you probably weren't seeing many options at the time. You were very young and you made a mistake. Maybe it's time to rectify it and not compound it. Then you can go on with your life. It doesn't sound like it will get better because you are pretty set in your mind on getting out. Best of luck to you.