Help! Am I being a closet case hypocrite?

Question

I am a person who is very proud of who they are, and I have never been afraid to hide it before...however I have recently started a new career in a different field of work and I really, really, really like it. I don't like it because of the money or anything like that...I just really like what I actually do. So is it terrible of me to go back in the closet at work so that I can mantain this current job? Keeping in mind that I have criticized my BF of 2 years because he is a closet case at work and to his family (I am totally out, I have never had to go into the closet until now) So, is it ok for me to go back into the closet for a job I like (not for a job that will get me further ahead or more money)?

Answer 1

dont criticize your bf for being in the closet...iam n we have our reasons...But since your out already why would you wana go back in...im sure you like your new job but wouldnt you be happier stayin out of the closet? i know there are other things to consider b4 u make your decision but your really lucky that your out of the closet n im guessing you have your families support...so there shouldnt be a problem

Answer 2

You have no obligation to to tell anyone you work with what your sexual orientation is.  The longer you work there, though, the more likely it is to come up....company parties, co-worker inviting you to their house, etc.  You should plan on how you're going to handle that when it occurs.  And if you bring a female date, then yes, you're being hypocritical.

Hopefully they'll get to know you and like you before any of that happens and maybe then they'll find out that g*y people aren't something to be uncomfortable about.

All of this advice is based on the assumption that you're not really queenie, in which case they are probably already talking about it behind your back so it would be better to get it out in the open now.

Answer 3

Only you can decide if that is all right.

IMHO, you're being a hypocrite. Why do you want to hide your sexuality at this job? Do you have a homophobic boss? Do you not want people knowing? Think about it this way, if you were straight, would you walk in on the first day and go "Hey everyone, My name is ___ and I'm straight!" ..probably not lol. There's no reason to tell anyone you are g*y, but I wouldn't go so far as to going back in the closet. If the topic comes up, then bring it up, but if not, don't worry about it. Just don't hide who you are or deny your sexuality at this job because then you'll be considered a hypocrite.

Answer 4

i dont think you have to come out to your coworkers.  especially if it will effect your job.  sexual orientation is a personal thing and unless you get to know people at your job well it can stay personal.

Answer 5

I guess the situation just crystallized something important: You are not as "completely out" as you envision yourself to be. It's perfectly alright for you not to want  to "jeopardize anything" at your new job (and as g*y people, we always have that notion that we will be persecuted in some way for being g*y). But I really don't see the dilemna, and for a simple reason: Straight applicants don't go to their job interviews with these words: "By the way, I thought I should tell you, I'm straight." There's no need to wear a shrit and bandana with the words "I'M g*y!!!" emblazoned across them.

One way I can think of for you to "open up" is to let it naturally "slide" into the conversation. When an office worker comes up and makes "small talk" about the weekend trip that was so expensive (and there always are those obnoxious, know-it-all types in the workplace), you can regale them with your experiences with your beloved, something like "Well, Steve hates the country, so we don't go camping out. But we enjoy outdoor barbecues." That way, the office worker can't fault you since s/he brought the subject up.

And at the end of it all, you can choose to remain private. There is no shame in doing that. As long as when the truth is asked or needs to be said,  you can proudly say that you're g*y. (An instance I can think of is when people make anti-g*y jokes in the workplace.)

Above all, always think of your personal safety first. This is a personal decision, and one that every g*y person struggles with. No one should judge you for what you decide to do (I keep envisioning your boyfriend's disapproving stare!). Only you can do that for yourself.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I understand how you feeel. it is somewhat hypocritical to deny your life, but the easy thing you can do is dont tell anyone unless they ask you. you will not be lying and chances are the people at work wont even ask.

good luck!

i hope every thing works out!

Answer 7

Legally you can't be fired for being g*y.  If someone asks you about relationships causally, in small talk, you could always start to talk about your significant other and see how long it takes them to figure out its a guy.  Or you could talk about your boyfriend and see how long it takes the light bulb to come on.  But yeah if you purposely hide it then your a hypocrite.  

Answer 8

Hey Justin, that's a dilemma. After you said what you did to your BF, doesn't it worry a little that you are willing to do the same thing? If you hide who you are in whatever context you are denying your true self.  If you can't live honestly then you need to look at why you feel it is okay to stay in a job you might enjoy but you have to pretend to be someone you're not.  BTW you are not totally out if you feel like you can't be yourself at work.  Chances are you are going to be around your coworkers for more hours in a week than you will be with any other people in your life.  To have to live a lie around them will be torture. If this job doesn't offer a future or money, what is it that attracts you if it means hiding your identity?  It just doesn't seem worth it to me.