Help! Am I going crazy? hubby carpooling with female coworker?

Question

I've been married for almost five years. My husband had been wanting to carpool with a female coworker, whom I do not trust at all. Before he decided to carpool, he would always come home and tell me how drunk the girl would get every single day. The first time I met her, she was so drunk she almost passed out in front of us. I have to admit she is pretty. That doesn't bother me, since he does have other girl friends that are beautiful and I'm ok with him hanging out with them by himself. He has an eclipse and I have a toyota yaris that he bought me for my birthday. He said he wanted to carpool to save money on gas which i accept is reasonable. However, he decided he wants to take my car because the other girl won't ride in the car that doesn't have air conditioner. Ok, so why do I have to suffer? and I am the wife. Her car gives her horrible MPG's, since she has a 6cylinder sports car. But his eclipse is perfectly fine for him to drive in. He does work farther than i do, but i drive in the streets more often. So anyways, He's been carpooling for almost two weeks now, and every single day that he comes home he starts talking about her. By the way she just got married. At first it was all great things, but then it started bothering me and I told me, so now when he gets home he tries to tell me bad things about her. Well, today, I found a text message if he wants breakfast, which i find strange because I don't cook breakfast for him because he says he doesn't like to eat breakfast. He replied he did want a burrito. I'm just worried that he something will happen. Then yesterday, he came and told me thank you because i was ok with him carpooling with the girl because another coworker told him that his wife would trip out. Apparently she forwards dirty text messages to him and i guess the wife didn't like it. It came to the point that this male coworker was with his wife at the store and the girl was there at the store and the male coworker had to ignore her. I trust my husband, but i don't trust the girl. I just don't want anything to happen. My husband always tells me to never put myself in a situation where something can happen, and i think this is one of them, but he is not following his own advice. I just need some opinions, if i should trust him and let it be, or should i ask him to stop carpooling. Thanks for the advice.

Answer 1

Why would your husband want to ride with a drunk.

Tell him, you are not happy with this arrangement and if she wants a car with a/c talk to her new hubby. Have him buy her one.

Get your car back. Sit down and tell him you don't like her and if he compares you to another man's wife to allow this behavior. Tell him, you do not.

Get that straight with him.

Answer 2

Get your car back. I would be careful. He might not be strong enough to say no.

Answer 3

ok.........u do need to chat with him about this.....cos obviously the situation just doesnt sit right with u....and it never will. she sounds like that kind of woman that...well......she doesnt sound very 'lady' like.

chin up :)

Answer 4

A good spy can handle this.  Pay the price or ask Maury.  Set a decoy and a cam!

Answer 5

I say you find out whats really going on. if you want to spy leave a tape recorder or cell phone in the car, so you can hear what they be talking about. Then you can get the answers to all your questions.

Answer 6

i would be pissed at your hubby for buying you that cheap peice of c**p. road lice is what they are. also if you trust him, then trust him!

Answer 7

Hey Princess:

Gosh you seem to be in an unenviable position. Although you are not to be blamed for your predicament, I'd like to suggest; you put your foot down and ask your hubby to stop car-pooling with 'her'.

I feel, men subconsciously create such situations and like to be good to 'other' women than their own wives. They think wives, children, parents etc can be always made to understand but, friends...its a difficult task, that they might not understand.

Go ahead and re-claim your partner before he slips :D

Answer 8

I'm sorry but there's no way my hubby would take my car off me because some cow needed a/c !!  h**l no!!!  Is her comfort more important than yours??  h**l no!!  Get your car back and let her sweat!!!

Answer 9

Nope, not gonna fly. Tell him the last few sentences you wrote (situation..follow own advice...)

Don't feel bad about this! You see and feel something that is not right, don't ignore it and step up for the sake of your marriage.

Answer 10

hi, its not easy to give advice in this situation but as you say you trust your husband but to remove the temptation would be a good idea,i think you should ask him to stop carpooling.--cheers--

Answer 11

doesn't sound like he's taking his own advice!

I'd be PISSED! he gae you a car for your b-day and he's basically taking it away! NO WAY!

About the girl... if you trust him, then you shouldn't worry too much, but you should ask him how he would feel in YOUR situation!

Have you ever looked at his phone to see what's up?

Maybe ask if he wants you to make him breakfeast one day?

Sounds like this girl is a trip, and I don't blame you fro being worried!

Do you maybe have other issues that maybe haven't been voiced?

Answer 12

Sit down with him and let him know your concerns with the evidence in point view about this girl.

One min he doesn't like her and the next he is carpooling.

*Concerns: Drinking+driving= DUI and wreck.

*Texting should never happen. It is carpooling, period.

*Look at phone bill and find out how many texting, how long on phone and times.  

*If he is communicating, that puts a conflict on his "I don't like her" opinion that he had in the begin.

*If she is getting a ride from him, she better be paying for gas still! No free rides in my book if ask me.

I would honestly tell him that you will work out vehicles with him (who drives what etc) and possibly do some trade in or saving for a good car so no carpooling has to happen.

Find other alternatives such as that or him finding another car pool person (Or how about multi people instead of just them two).

One last thing that bothers me. I am bluntly opinionated so don't take this as an attack.

You said "I trust my husband but I don't trust the girl"

Never go after the girl before the guy. A girl can't ruin a marriage by herself. It takes two to tangle. Meaning, he is allowing this behavior and he is the one you should be concerned about on his behavior. You already know her's. You do not know his!

If you trusted your husband................why do you feel this way and have this issue?...

something for you to think about.

Answer 13

First off, it is NEVER another person's fault for infidelity, should it occur. Before you point fingers at the co-worker, you need to talk to your husband. Not trusting/b!ching out/hating/resenting the co-worker should be your last resort. Your husband is putting himself in this situation, therefore, you need to confront him and clearly but rationally tell him that you are not comfortable with this situation. If he brings up the gas issue, tell him that money will not save your relationship. Don't tell him that you don't trust the woman or make any other excuse, because this is about you and him, therefore, the problem and solution is strictly between you and him only. Don't mention the breakfast because there isn't enough evidence to clearly state that he's being unfaithful. Just calmly discuss this situation and let him know that you'd rather he drive himself or male co-workers to work. I don't know your situation wholey, so if he questions you, you already have the answers. Just be honest and CALM about it. But don't act like you don't care, because you do. Stand your ground and get this done ASAP.

Remember, it's not what you say, but how you say it. Good luck.

Answer 14

Your husband sounds like a push over... take away the car from wife so the co-worker can ride with air conditioner? Does carpooling allow you to save a lot of money? I think he just like to ride with that girl, though I don't think that anything is happening.