Help! Brother and sister are horrible!?

Question

My younger brother and sister are making my poor mom nuts! My sister is 17 and my brother is 13. They have both been arrested, both been put on probation, both do nothing to excel in school, both talk back to my mom and do nothing that she asks them to do. They are driving her nuts. She has my brother in counseling to try to help with him, but he still acts like a monster to her. I no longer live with them, but still see how bad they are. My poor mom has tried so many different things to get them to listen and behave, but nothing seems to work. I don't want this stress on my mom to make her unhealthy and I'm afraid my brother and sister are going to make one of their bad choices one of these days and end up hurt or in a lot of trouble. They both have started smoking marijuana and do not listen to anyone when they are talked to about it. I have tried sitting them down and talking to them, as has my mom and their dad, but nothing seems to work. It's like they refuse to let anyone tell them what to do! My brother has been committed once before because he was so horrible to my mother i.e. hitting her, calling her names and trying to hurt everyone around but that didn't even help. I know some of you are going to think that her parenting is to blame, but really she has been a fantastic mother to all three of us. I was raised just the same as my brother and sister and never acted the way that they do! I have my life on track and am doing great! I want to see my siblings do great in life too, I just don't know how to get through to them! Advice would be appreciated. No rude comments please, this is a serious issue and I don't think that smart alec comments will make the situation any better. Thank you!

Answer 1

as for the 17-year-old, she's old enough, if she knows everything, let her do it on her own. s***w it. let her move out. i hate when i watch tv and i see shows where parents are stressed because their grown children want to act like jerks. if she's old enough to know everything, let her move out. let her get a job. let her buy her own food. adults in the real world have to do it, or we're sleeping on park benches. she is old enough to understand that if she isn't appreciative of what she has, she doen't have to have it. as for the younger one, the next time he gets locked up, leave him there. don't go to the judge and plead for him to come home and make changes. because he will end up dead or in jail if he doesn't learn some respect for authority. i'm an advocate of tough love, because my mother went through this with my older sister. when my sis stole my mother's credit card and ran up $5k in charges my mom had to take out a warrant and send her to jail to get the card company to refund the money. i know it hurts, but your parents have got to nip the bad behavior in the bud. no one owes anyone else ANYTHING and its time that your younger brother and sister learn that.

Answer 2

If they are both on probation talk to their probation officer, they can set up a weekend at the juvenile detention center.  it worked for my stepson..

Answer 3

Rude children, my dear! Gosh, I'm acting like a mom. He-he, Anyways send them to juvi or something. Tell them that THEY should be helping their parents not their parents helping them right now. Because once you get pubirdy (not great with spelling) you should know how its like to be a parent. and you understand its hard. if they don't start behaving, if i were you i'd march to them and yell your head off for dragging your mom into such a huge BAD mess!!  

Answer 4

They both obviously have issues.

But if neither of them are prepared to discuss or try to resolve them the only thing your Parents can do is lay down their own law and stick with it.

Your sister is old enough to stand on her own two feet now.

As for your brother he needs some serious attitude management.

As hard as it is for you, take a step back, you have a Life of your own to worry about.

The bottom line here Poppet is your Parents.

They need to toughen up and mean what they say.  

Answer 5

hyperactivity caused by food additives and bad food,maybe too much MSG

Answer 6

As a teacher I have seen this situation for myself;a mother/parents will  bring up a family and one or more of the children will turn out to be obnoxious for no apparent reason. I think some people are just predisposed to be self-centred and uncooperative. Your mum needs to toughen her attitude. Firstly your older sister does not have a legal right to live at home and should be told this calmly and clearly; the next time she kicks off your mother needs to give her three days to get out and weather whatever storm ensues. Your younger brother will be watching with interest so it is vital that your mum follows through and has your sister's bags packed and the end of the three days REGARDLESS of the histrionics which will no doubt take place. Your mum MUST remain calm, tell your sister that she will discuss a return when three months of mature and responsible behaviour have elapsed. On no account should your mother bail your sister out in any way. She has tried being nice and it hasn't worked. Your mum should say she is willing to have phone contact provided it is not a request for money e.t.c and provided the call is respectful and positive, any call not meeting this criteria should be ended calmly by your mum by hanging up.

Your brother has been committed so your mum could declare him out of control and hand him over to the authorities; my guess is that if your brother sees your mum take control with your sister he will consider his position carefully but only if she sticks to her guns; this will be against her every instinct but I think it is the only way. Your mum needs to talk to your brother and explain that she has decided that she is not going to be mistreated any more she needs to lay down specific rules about his behaviour. It is important that their dad is aware of what is going on so that they can't play one parent off against the other. They will need to support each other on this and you will need to support your mum. The smoking of marijuana should be reported to the police. I'm glad your mum has you. Good luck to you both. This may sound very tough but unless they realise how out of control they are and the extent to which other people will not tolerate their behaviour they will have little chance of a happy successful future