Help! Desperately seeking advice.?

Question

my ex and I broke up 6 months ago. We have a child together that just turned 1 yesterday. He told me on her birthday that he is in a serious relationship and has been living with his partner for 2 months! I'm so devastated! I left him because of all the abuse and excessive drinking. The day I left him was the day the police issued an AVO on my behalf. Why do I feel like I meant nothing to him? I've been replaced. He confessed about his girlfriend on my daughter's 1st birthday and he has asked to take my little girl to meet his new girlfriend! What do I do? I feel like I haven't even bonded properly with my daughter enough to let someone else bond with her. What do I do? He asked me 4 days before fathers day. I feel this will confuse my daughter but most of all it has confused me. How could he do this to us at this short period?

Answer 1

I am sorry about what he did to you. It sounds like you two have somewhoat of a civil relationship. I think that since he feels it is necessary, especially sinct they live with each other, you should allow your daughter to be introduced to her. I don't think it will confuse your daughter.

I have a friend that has never been with the mother of his child (since the baby was born) and she seems to be well adjusted with her parents seeing other people.

Answer 2

Oh dear.

Well, I would most certainly let him know what you're feeling! Tell him that you just don't feel comfortable enough, given the circumstances, to allow your daughter to visit with this "other" woman. Let him know that you need some time to get a grasp on all of these changes. If he cared at all about you during your time together, he'd be respectful of this.

Best of luck to you, honey! What a jerk to do this to you!!

Answer 3

Well it sounds as if maybe ha has stopped the bad habits you left him for. Maybe loosing you and your daughter is what he needed to do so. He may not even stay with this women, they haven't been serious that long. I would say the best thing would be to let her seen him, and his girlfriend on fathers day, BUT! for a short scheduled time so that there is not to much to have to worry about on your behalf. I'm sure she will be a little confused. If he is upset about this tell him that he is not the one is going to have to explain this to her and that he had lost your trust and he must earn it back before letting a stranger alone with your daughter and him. Any decision you make im sure is understandable! You are her mother and you know what is best for her.

Maybe schedule and time and place where you can meet him and pick her up form the same spot so you will know where they are at all times, like a park or house.

Answer 4

how absolutely awful for you. It is always a shock when someone that you loved and trusted goes and dumps something like that on you. It sounds like to me you are much better off without this guy and you did the right thing by leaving him. You do not want to go through a life of abuse for you and your daughter. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision for you to make at the time but you did it which says to me you are a strong and independent person. Unfortunately you are going to have to let your little girl have time with her dad. You need to remember that he is her dad and she will need him. If you can get along with any new partners without being judgemental about them to your daughter or to your ex then you could start a new relationship with him and his new partner that could work to your best interests ie timeout for yourself on occasion. And anyway you never know this relationship of his may not work out so why worry about it? Let your daughter see her dad, if you start off short and sweet visits your daughter will get used to him and he to her. Then you can start to stretch visits out and you can enjoy a little bit of timeout yourself.

Answer 5

basically i think you need to do whats best for your daughter because at the end of the day thats what means the most

good luck x

do what you thinks rights your her mother x

Answer 6

My god, why are you even letting this abusive drinking b*****d near your child?

And don't get too worked up over 'being replaced'. You're also being replaced as a punchbag, remember. He is not someone who can have a nice, happy, easy-going relationship, and the less contact your daughter has with a man like this, the better for her.  

Answer 7

hes only been with her for 2 months!  do not let him take your daughter to meet his new girlfriend,  its far to early to introduce someone else to your daughter, it will only confuse her and upset her in the long term!  

she will probably be gone in a few months if he starts to treat her like he did you! 2 months is not serious at all! it just shows he doesn't want a partner to love and be with he just wants someone there!

hes doing it to be awkward, you say no, you need notice and that you don't want him to look after your daughter till he show his behaviour has changed, he can see your daughter with you.

plus if his behaviour was that bad to you why would you let him look after your daughter! aren't you worried he will do something to her when drunk or out of anger!  

Answer 8

Honestly, you shouldn't even let him near your daughter. But i understand that you want her to grow up and know her father, but taking her to meet his other woman is just stepping the line!! He's only been with that woman for TWO MONTHS! and why should she want to meet your child? or more importantly, why should your daughter have to go meet his girlfriend for his sake. It seems that you have done a lot to please him, i think it's time you say no to him. Don't allow your child to meet a complete stranger and especially not her fathers other woman.