Help! How am I supposed to do this alone?

Question

I've been married for almost 3 years, and my husband and I just had a baby 2 months ago. We had a rocky relationship and it just got worse until I couldn't take the fighting anymore. I had a date set when I was going to leave him but I found out I was pregnant two days prior, so I got scared and stayed anyway. The entire time I was pregnant we fought like never before, and since I gave birth (by c-section) I've been like a single parent without the benefit of being single. He refuses to get up with our son at night, won't take care of him while he's awake, just sits on the computer playing his stupid video games until he goes to bed. He's unemployed at the moment and this is my second week back at work since my maternity leave. He'll take care of him while I'm gone (he has no choice) but as soon as I get home the baby is my responsibility again till the next day at work. For two months I've put up with his yelling, being ordered around like a slave, the name calling and the constant suggestions that I'm cheating on him. I'm physically, and emotionally drained. I want to leave him but I'm terrified to do this by myself financially, I don't even have my driver's licence because he's afraid I'll take off if I have the freedom to. There's no jobs around here that are hiring full time (I'm part time at the Salvation Army) and I have nowhere to go because he won't let me stay in the house unless I give him my paychecks for rent. So, I can't save money to get out of here. I need to get the courage to do this but every time I seriously think about it I chicken out. It's not just me I have to worry about now, I have my son too. If I were alone I'd have done it a year ago. Please, someone who knows what they're talking about, I need to make sure I do the right thing but I'm not sure what it is. Advice please!

Answer 1

I am going to college to be a marriage psychologist because I feel strongly about it's sanctity. However, I believe that abandonment within the marriage is what is going on here. I'm not saying stay or go but unless this is life or death situation, I would exhaust your options.

My ex was the same way, both physically and mentally abusive. Doing everything prayerfully, I gave him a year as long as he went to counseling. He did, the counselor just telling me t leave, that he'll kill me. I did leave, but am very happy that I gave him the chance to change.

When it was time to go, I ask God to help me. I was in Germany and needed to get back to the states. So I left, I found a job, and lived with a co-worker, who only took me in because i was going to be sleeping in my car.

Anyways, as for getting past chickening out. Me I just thought about it staying that way for me and my children for the next five years or longer. Most women who I knew being abused kept putting leaving off and ended up is a worse scenario or dead. Plus the thought of him treating our children that way, well, I knew I may end up putting him in a hospital or grave.

It sounds like he thinks of you as "his" and not the reverse, being he as yours. His controlling actions prove that. Also, he doesn't trust you, lack of trust comes from either the person really not being trustworthy or they themselves cannot see their spouse as trustworthy because they themselves are not trustworthy.

To get help, maybe you can get him to go but if not and just need help, you can go to a church in the area, if you don't have one you can visit any large non-denominational, baptist, pentecostal, assembly of God or pray and ask God where you need to be.

Have you told anyone? like family friends, I think you should and see where they can help. As for getting off on your own you just need a safe place for the baby to stay while you work. I went back to waitressing and got into the casino business.

Online you can Google for other resources: "help for abused women"

Hope this helps, be well, God bless