Help! I'm foster parenting two teenagers...?

Question

I'm 22 and I'm married with a two year old son. Recently my mom passed away. I'm going to be taking in my little brothers who are 15 and 16. I will have temp "kinship" custody.

I'm just really nervous because I've never cared for teens before. Can anyone offer any advice? How can I help them adjust?

Answer 1

its gonna be very hard! but your gonna need to be strong right from the start and lay down the rules and what you expect of them and so forth. They may start acting out and you'll need to put your footdown ASAP on that. Make sure that they understand that you and your husband are now in charge and that while you love them and want them in your family... you would take any trouble from them. Try not to be too much of a mom, you dont want them to think your replacing her, Be a sister but one with authority and who is in control.

Answer 2

Be nice, but firm.  They are going to need a lot of support to help iwht their grief.  You are going to be more like a mother figure at least for a while than older sister.

Answer 3

Well if you're their sister it will probably be hard to make them respect you as a guardian. I would get ready for things like "You're not mom" or "Stop trying to be mom" when you try and discipline them and set rules. So be lenient and give them space. Hopefully they trust you enough to know that you've got their back and that you love them.

You might not have cared for teenagers but you were one just a few years ago. You know what they are like. And you know what your brothers are like. Try buying some of their favorite foods and making their daily routine similar to the one at your mom's house. It's the little things that will help them feel more at home.

Answer 4

ok, i would first go to a counseling for all three of you to let out some of your emotions over the passing of your mom, that must of been very hard. then i would lay down some general guidelines of the house and remember to recognize that this will be a big adjustment for all of your family.  give them some space. i'm 16 and i just hate it when i'm feeling mad or wanting to be alone and no one respects my wishes.  i would also buy a lot of food for them, two teenage boys can eat a lot.  i would also try to encourage a job from them, it doesn't have to have a  lot of hours, but some extra money a week a week can really help out the house.  encourage them to do well in school, they dont have to get a 4.0  but if you try in a class and turn in the work, a "B" is easy to get.  try to relax and let them express themselves, as long as it doesn't damage anything.  at that age, when can do a lot of things by ourselves, but still need some help and we shouldn't be expected to do everything by ourselves, we're still learning.

Answer 5

I had a somewhat similar situation when I was 20 I took care of my 14 year old brother when our parents moved out of state, (From florida to new york). I took care of him for 4 years. I was married too (but no kid of my own).

I strongly suggest you get them counseling (maybe through the school) for the loss of their mom, also, you may need counseling for that too.

Second, make sure your husband comes first. (I was also married, now divorced from him....remarried now happily..) Set up date night for you and your husband, that will be really important for you husband.

Third, run to the library and check out the book, NEW PARENT POWER, by john rosemond. He has a lot of practical advice that works when dealing with teenagers. Some of his advice is a little extreme (no tv in the house) but most of his advice about being consistent is very very good.

Fourth, talk to their teachers and let them know the situation. You will need the teachers to understand what is going on at home. You can go to the parent teacher night and speak with teachers in person then. I did that, and it helped my brother a lot.

Fifth, you must keep a sense of respect between you and your brothers now (at least until they grow up and move away). You can't be all buddy buddy best friend right now and tell them your (marital, health, professional) problems. They don't need to know about your problems, but you can open up and let them know you are trying your best. They need a role model.  So, don't play with them in a way that is disrespectful to you.

Sixth, don't be to hard on yourself, don't expect to be perfect.

Seventh, Try to help them pick good friends!!!! Encourage them to be with friends that are not doing drugs, smoking, drinking, etc. Be involved as much as you can to make sure they are around decent people.  This is hard to do, but very important.

Eighth, Take great care of yourself and your husband and child. You must put yourself first or you could lose everything. My husband was immature and felt jealous and competitive with my brother. If I had a routine and set up date night, it would have been better.

Nineth, Don't forget your son comes before the 15 and 16 year old! Let your brothers know that too.

Tenth, Be consistent. Be consistent. Be consitent. I can't stress that enough.

Good luck!

Answer 6

make sure there always comfortable..treat them as if they were ur own kids...treat them equally..

Answer 7

keep them activite in school,sports, clubs....  Maybe they will want to do their best for the sake of your moms memory and what she would want for them.  Try to be interested in what they like or talk about.