Help I am Torn, what do you think, can my bf change, should i move on?

Question

o.k here it is i have been in a relationship for the past 4yrs. we met in 11th grade, started talking in the summer when i finished 6th form in and have been together since, we went through alot. from young and not working to the point where i am now working for a big company and he is working on a cruise ship, not perfect but we've gotten a start on life. the thing is he has put me through alot over the years.(cheating, getting the girl pregnant, advances at a friend(according to the friend, he denies it, even physical abuse on more than one occassion) dont ask me why i put up with all that. anyways i have recently met this guy since he went off on his 8 month trip which ends next year feb. This guy have liked me for some time now he is 10yrs older so he is alot more mature, ambitious, working-financially stable. and very compatible with regards to my ideals. my boyfriend is begging me not to move on and has promised he will change.however this guy is looking a seriouse relationship

Answer 1

Based on what you've said, you've stayed with him for much longer than he deserves.  Trust is a very important part of any relationship and it's the most fragile.  Having done all the things you've described, I can't imagine that you trust the fella.  It is, therefore, time for you to pack your bags, click your heels and disappear from his life.

As for this new guy, I think you might be better off taking some time off relationship to just be with yourself.  Leaving a 4-year relationship and heading straight into another is usually not wise as you're still dealing with too many (sometimes conflicting) feelings.

If this other guy's always been interested in you, I don't see any reason why he won't still be once your are more emotionally stable and ready to handle your newly-found happiness.

Answer 2

I am sure u already know what to do in your heart so just do it.

Answer 3

Take a break.

It really doesnt make sense to be hoppign from one drama to the other. Take some time to get to know yourself WITHOUT being attached for even a few months.

Hint:

If you need physical comfort during your break, buy a big teddy bear and an appropriate 'electronic' toy. You will love yourself more when the batteries are done.

Answer 4

I don't even need to read the question to tell you to move on!  You are young and women in their 20s are in their primes.  Don't see anyone.  Just be single and have fun.  Trust me I've been doing it and its amazing.

Answer 5

Physical abuse? Cheating? Having a child while he is in a relationship with you? Messing with a friend? I am so sorry!  I have experienced a few of the same things you mentioned. You need to end it with him and spend some time alone to figure out why you have put  with such for so long. You will then realize you deserve so much more and wait for a man who will treat you right.  Be strong, liberate yourself, and good luck. Jah Bless.

Answer 6

Well this is not up for debate,there is only one logical thing to do in this situation and that is to leave.This man has taken away the most important thing you have and that is your self esteem,you need to regain that and the only way you're going to do that is to kick this fool to the curb.You have a heart of gold to have put up with so much and still contemplating if you should leave.Listen to me if you continue down that path you are going to be in for a lifetime of heart ache and pain.This man will never change he's just telling you what he knows you want to hear.He is using your love for him against you,so you will feel guilty and sorry for him and want to stay.Don't be fooled move on,you have greater things to accomplish in life,don't spend the rest of your life wondering if you're going to get a beating tonight or whatever other S***e this man consistently brings to the table.You are better than that move on.

Answer 7

Physical abuse, I draw the line there and u say it's more than once. I say leave him, you deserve better.

Answer 8

First let it  be said "NO ONE" has the right to touch you.  Once an abuser always an abuser. The relationship that you have found your self in sounds very draining. I also don't know when and why you have allowed someone to treat you less than a queen and to disrespect you. This guy has clearly showed his feelings and amount of respect for you by impregnating someone else. Its one thing to cheat on you, its another to cheat and have unprotected s*x and put you at risk for disease, but to actually bring a child into the world with someone else while you wait patiently by his side is selfish and hurtful. Its so funny but as women when we have friends in bad relationships and situations we always tell her not too settle and that she deserves better , and we are even outraged when shes hurting and tolerates foolishness, but yet when we are in the same predicament we fall for anything.

Tawwy, I think you know the answer to the question and that you just put this question on YA for reassurance. This relationship has been over years ago from the day the abuse started, please do yourself a favor and leave while you are still able too. Many women can't because its too late, and they have paid the ultimate price.....LIFE.

Take care girl and be safe.....

****EDIT***Stingjam, u asked about BAD MIND???? It's all over this page, people giving poeple thumbs down for no good reason....

Answer 9

baby move the **** on cause you know his love is wrong , true love is when ur treated like queen ALWAYS, remember that babe!!!

Answer 10

U need to leave him! I've found myself in a similar situation and I know how hard it can be (although it might be a little easier for you since your bf leaves for months on end). U're just gonna have to make up your mind to do it and move on with your life because the most likely scenario is that he will not change (they seldom do) and who knows what him doing on that cruise ship during those 8 months.. I know u might feel like u love him but it's probably just that you're comfortable with him and you just can't bother to start something new with someone else because u're afraid he might be worse. As for that big man, don't be too hasty to trust him either because you never know which wife, how much baby mother or woman a yard might come out of the woodwork...if I sound bitter it's because I am! Try u luck with the new guy if u feel a connection but don't be too quick to let your guard down. Good luck to u!

Answer 11

Leave him. Do whats best for you. People don't change unless they really really want to and also, if he has done stuff so horrible to you in the past there is no guarantee he wont do it again. You have been given the opportunity to escape what you have suffered take it and run with it! Thats is just my opinion but do what will make you the happiest in the end, and never let anyone hurt you!

Answer 12

You should have left him a long time ago... about the new guy, take time to know him and see if this is what you really want. It is usually a good idea to take a break between relationships. Older men are sometimes better but at times they only want to use you.