Help! I can't figure it out?!?!

Question

ok so my fiance and i have been dating for four years we have been engaged for a year. About a month ago i started talking about getting married oct. 2009 and he said yeah sure but then flip out a few days later saying he felt i was pushing him into it. So we talked and turns out he wants to marry me but wants to wait like three more years!!! i told him when he figured out when he definately wants to get married to let me know and i gave back my gorgeous engagement ring. it is killing me inside but he acts like everything is still the same. the rest of our realationship is great so he is just nervous about getting married or does he really not want to marry me, please help and don't be mean about it i am totally clueless on what i should do.

Answer 1

You have given him an easy out. You gave him his engagement ring back, but your relationship is still the same - why should he give you back the ring or even think about setting another date?

I know you don't want to force him into it, but unless there is some kind of change in your relationship he is going to feel like he doesn't have to even think about setting a date or getting married because you are going to always be there.  

Answer 2

Marriage is a huge comitment, he is probally just nervous and trying to figure out if you are "The One" why dont you just try giving him a little time. you dont want to push him into marrying b4 he is ready

Answer 3

He thinks he is home free. He got the ring back and he still has you. You are going to have to be alot tougher. Tell him it's over unless he sets a date. Give him 30 days to decide. At the end of that time tell him you are going to date others and he should do the same. Yes, it will be really hard to end it , but it will show you his true feelings. You will find out whether he has any intentions of ever marrying you.

You have already wasted 4 years on him. Don't waste another 3.  

Answer 4

try figuring out the reasons why he doesnt want to marry you for three more years..does it have to do with finishing school, if so then yes i find that a fair reason to postpone the wedding date. If it is because he is still unsure about making it "to soon" then i think it was a good idea of letting him figure out for himself when he wants the wedding. i wouldnt be to mad about it..just try talking with him to figure out why three years from now? plus, if everythings great and you guys love eachother then wats annother three years?

Answer 5

You need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend/fiance.  If he is unwilling to even consider choosing a wedding date, then he shouldn't have proposed - and you've been engaged for a year?  Something seems fishy to me.

You need to sit down together and discuss why he is afraid to get married  so soon.  As someone already mentioned, if they have to do with school/work/finances, then perhaps they are honest concerns.  Otherwise...he might be stringing you along, and you need to decide whether or not he's worth hanging around for.  I hate saying that to people, because I usually like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I don't understand why your fiance would propose and then complain about a possible wedding date 2 years after said proposal...

Try not to jump to conclusions but have an honest talk with your guy.  Good luck!

Answer 6

There you go, Hon....in your additional details you've answered yourself....he doesn't see the need to make it 'official'.

And he's wrong, in the eyes of the law you two are not married therefore you have no legal rights as a married couple...if he believes it, try filing an income tax return as married, filing jointly...you two will get audited for fraud.......

if you are determined to marry him give him an ultimatum....marriage by a certain date or you move out...period. You see, he figures you will continue to live with him whether he marries you or not...he has to see for sure that you won't...and if you challege him and he lets you go....you know he was only with you for the freebies and you are better off without him.....good luck.

Answer 7

Ok, I had the same issue. I was engaged for 5 years...and had two kids in the process! I should've known and seen the clues from before when I would pick a date he would say "Nah, let's wait a little longer"...that little longer turns into an eternity...we broke up and I'm a single mother of 2!!! =) And met my soulmate and will finally be a Mrs. So, good luck...