Help! I have a 4 year old son that I am having a hard time getting to go to school. He says he'll miss me?

Question

He has been attending preschool now 2 days a week for the last year.8-12 am. The first incident happened when we had company and he I assume didnt want to miss out on any fun. Since then it happens maybe once every 5/6 weeks. This week he has given me trouble both days. I was able to get him to stay on tuesday. Today he started in again with the whinning and "Im gonna miss you. He blocks the door and cries. The teacher doent help with any distraction. This is not her job I know. He has said in the past he doesnt like when they watch tv in the am. About 45 min worth. He watches it at home fine. He has friends from what I can tell. They run up to him and want to play when we arrive. He is dedicated to going until we get in the room and I sign him in. Then it starts. Today I have had it and have sent him to his room ALL DAY. I didnt remove any toys. The 1st two hours it was like he was in heaven. Now the door keeps opening and the questions are starting. He's getting restless. GOOD!

Answer 1

Just comfort him and tell him that he will be alright at school, and that it will be fun. Pack a lunch with a note in it that says you love and miss him. I think it is inappropriate that you confined him to his room. Making him feel lonely and isolated is not going to fix anything. You just have to make him go to school and no exceptions. The more you let him stay home, the more positive reinforcement he'll receive and the more likely he is to try doing it again.

Answer 2

It is not unsual for this to happen.  It is separation anxiety.  I remember doing the same thing when I was 4 and started to go to preschool.  My Mom (when she was still alive) and Dad would get me used to being without them by giving me a chance to play and discover on my own at home.  So, when it was time to drop me off, I became interested in something that I did at home at preschool and before long I loved it!  It takes time.  I think what you did was a wise idea.  He is just trying to tug on your heart strings by saying "I'll miss you."

Answer 3

This is completely normal.  Pretty soon you'll be wishing he wanted to stay with you not get away from you.  I don't think it's appropriate to leave a child in a room all day (as much as we would like to).

If daycare is a must not a choice, then explain to him why he has to go.  Make sure he knows that it isn't because he's bad or you don't want to be around him, it's just something he has to do.  You have to go to work, he has to go to school.

Find out what fun things are planned for the next day.  The center should have some schedule listed.  My son always gives me a hard time about going to school (and he's 9), but when he knows its picture day or field trip day, or something fun, he's up before me!

Most importantly, don't make him think that pre-school is a bad thing or punishment.  

I would also talk to the director or teacher--they are experts at this.  They should provide more support in coaxing him to want to be there.

Answer 4

You just need to discipline him, and not by putting him in a room full of toys. He keeps getting his way when you don't take him or go pick him up. All the whining is working, he's getting exactly what he wants. You just need to be firm in what you do. If he stays at home, then he's not playing with anything, you make him want to be in class-doing fun stuff, instead of sitting at home, bored out of his mind.

Answer 5

lol you are confining your 4 year old to a bedroom all day?

wow come over to my house and both of our children can spend the day together

Answer 6

first of all you dont punish a child that wants to be with his parents...its a little harsh to put him in his room all day...no, its alot harsh, anyway ...why dont you try going to school and staying with him for awhile....this is a phase, he will out grow it, but you need to realize he might be having some issues you need to address...

Answer 7

Change pre-school next year

Yes, it's the teacher job in helping children out like that

I have a question, did something happen last week at school

Could there be a problem you do not know about, and the 4 year old, is handling it the best he can?

I would talk to you son

She if you can stay and leave when he is not looking

The teacher should be helping you

She should have this happen before, and have suggestion on how to fix it

Answer 8

Okay.  First of all, keeping a 4 year old in his room all day may not be the best punishment.  

Second, 45 minutes of tv at a preschool or daycare is too much in the morning.  Is there another place you could try?

It's very good that he has friends, and it sounds like when he's done trying to get his way with you he has fun.

The days he throws a fit (like today) and you give in and take him home re-inforce his negative behavior.  It tells him that if he screams loud enough and long enough he will get what he wants.  You'll have to be twice as hard next time to correct this.

Having said this, take him to school tomorrow.  Leave him there.  Tell him in advance that you love him and miss him too, but this is what is best for him.  Because you love him you are going to do what is best for him.  Tell him he can scream and cry and waste his time and energy or he can choose to go have fun with his friends.  It's up to him.

Then mean it.  When they call you (or maybe today give them a heads up) tell them you are going to teach him that he will not get his way by screaming for you.  Let them know that he will stop in a little while and move on, and  if everyone can just bear with you in the meantime it will be better for everyone involved.

Most centers handle this for you, at least here in the US.  When a child cries or screams for the parent, the teacher either holds and comforts the child so the parent can leave and then gets the child busy playing something else or they let the child "cry it out" but in a safe manner while being watched.  

You're doing a good job.  Just remember, you are the parent, you are MUCH bigger than him and you just need to move him out of the way and leave.  It is what's best for him.

God bless.

Answer 9

I understand what you are going through, when I lived with my aunt she ran a day care and everyday Ashley would be excited to come to our house until mommy said those dreadful words, I love you ash and I got to go now I'll be back in a while to pick you up, OK? And from there it was complete disaster. But I found a way to help her and this may help you. If you have the time stay a few minutes with him like 15 mins. until he trusts the school and his friends leave when he is engaged more in an activity. Kiss him goodbye and say I love you and reassure him that you will be back for him in a little while. Also maybe give him an old piece of your shirt or a toy that you always play with him with to give to him to take to school. Then he will always have a piece of you wherever he is. And also take time when you come to pick him up play with him and definitely invite one of his buddies form his school over for a play date, so that when you are not around he has another friend to go to. Ask the teacher if all three of you can have a meeting about him. Let him show you what his favourite toys are and then when he dosent want to leave your side you can say. "Hey bud look isn't that your favourite toy truck?" That would make him feel more secure. I hope this helps although I am not a mother, I know from experience. Hope this helps. Wish the best for you and your lil man.