Help!!!!! I miss my mum.?

Question

My mum died 6 weeks ago I am a women of 48 with three children she lived with me for 16 years I miss her so much she was like a second mum to my children. Why did she die? it all happened so quick she must of been ill for a long time. I woke up one morning and saw my mum was yellow, the doctor sent her to hospital to cut a long story short she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer she died in my arms 9 days later. My mum complained like any old women would of pains all over it was always put down to old age. She would hardly go to the doctors. I think my mum new something was wrong but didn't want to be told she was 86 and the best mum and friend anyone could have. I am crying as I type this I just miss her I can't believe she has gone and I am never going to see her again what will I do, she is everywhere in my house I expect her to come down the stairs to make a cup of tea or be in her room watching tv. People say time is a healer but it's getting worse for me I just want her back! Why didn't I no or see any signs she was ill, I only saw an old lady with normal aches and pains, I blame my self for not knowing.

Answer 1

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

My mother died about 3 1/2 years ago... I can guarantee it'll take at least a year before you'll start to get over it. I hate to be pessimistic, but even if you had noticed something was wrong, that doesn't mean she would have still survived... cancer is tough thing to get through.

She lived a long life, and be happy that you had her around for so long. Trust me, it WILL get easier.  

Answer 2

awe ((((Cherie))))

darling , I dont know what to say here except that time does help

it has only been 6 weeks , you have to let your emotions out and allow yourself to grieve and heal

she sounds like she was a wonderful woman

try and remember those good times

memories help our healing if  we make them good ones

look at photos of her smiling and remember the wonderful life you and her had

and the legacy she left in the shape of her children and grandchildren

and sweetie

no matter what happened , you will blame yourself for things ... it is all part of the grieving process

just allow it , dont fight it

but know in your heart that you loved and cared for her right to the end

she would be so proud of you I am sure xx

Answer 3

I remember when my grandmother died, because I remembered hearing my mom crying at night. I remember seeing my mom's red and puffy eyes in the morning, or sometimes during the day ( was in middle school, my mom was about 38)

The best thing you can do now is take care for your children.  Turn your grief into unconditional love and forwards it to them.  

Dying is natural and your mom loved you very much, she'd never want you to blame yourself for anything.  She's still with you, even though not physically, I promise you you'll feel more at peace as the times goes by.

I am sorry for your mom... sometimes I cry because of the thought that one day my mom would die, but then I realize that I should just enjoy every second and love the people I care the most, the ones who are still alive (mom, dad, brother and friends).

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself, I'm certain your mom wouldn't have placed blame on you for her health.

Maybe it would help ease the grieving process if you write in a journal.  If you pray, talk to her and tell you how you remorseful you feel. You'll go through the steps of grieving, just don't go through it alone.

Please find support from family and friends.

I wish I knew what else to say to lessen your pain.

Be good to yourself.

Answer 5

Reason, Season and Lifetime

People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty,

or to provide you with guidance and support,

to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.

Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON,

it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.

They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,

the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Love & Blessings

Milly

Answer 6

Go ahead and grieve... its all part of a natural process to help you cope.

All paths.. ALL paths... lead to the same end. Celebrate her life, while you grieve her death.

Remember her and you honor her...

Answer 7

Sorry to hear of your loss.

Your mum went surrounded by people who loved her. It didn't take months and months. She was relatively lucky... luckier than my grandmother anyway.

DO NOT blame yourself. Your mother was old. She didn't want to go to the doctor. She died. You did nothing wrong.

You will continue to hear her voice for some time. But you'll get used to that.

Answer 8

I'm sorry that your mum died.

But lose the guilt - at 86, SOMETHING was going to kill your mother.  This sounds relatively quick.

I had an old friend die from spinal cancer - she was in agony for the last 9 months.  No medication or surgery could give her relief.  There are worse ways to die than the way your mum went.

You will see your mum again.  Believe it.

In the meantime, you have to heal from this shock.  It will take time, possibly up to a year or more.  And the healing will start without warning - one day you'll realize that you haven't thought about your mum all day.  You'll feel terribly guilty, but it's okay - it's just the way humans heal.

If you think about it, part of your mum lives on in you.  She's the quiet voice inside that tells you the way when you're lost.  You need only be quiet and listen.

Your mum would not want you to be unhappy.  Strive to live a fulfilling life and, when it's time, you'll see her again.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Don't feel guilty, you did not know.  It is easy to look back at all the signs and tell yourself you should have done something.  Healing does take time, it may get worse, you may cry alot more, but it will ease as time goes on.  I am so sorry, it must be very hard on you.  I will be praying.

Answer 10

I am so sorry for your loss.  My mum just got up one morning, and on her way to the bathroom, called my name, she asked me to help her to the bathroom.  She dropped dead in my arms.  She was 75 years old.  That was 2002.  I am 60 years old, and I miss her and my dad every day of my life.  He took his last breath in my arms too, two years before she passed.  It takes quite a while.  You just have to keep reminding yourself that she is out of pain.  There is no way you could possibly have known.  I still grieve, its been over 6 years.

Answer 11

You cannot blame yourself for your Mom dying, You didn't know that she had cancer. If she would have gone to the doctor earlier, they would have seen what was going on. Your Mom was a very courageous lady to live with that constant pain. Your Mom was ready to meet her maker, she is without pain now. It was a lovely way for her to die in your arms. It is hard to accept when a loved one dies, but it is true, time does heal all wounds, so just take a day at a time. What is making it harder for you, is she lived with you. The good Lord will help you through this !  God Bless!

Answer 12

You can't blame yourself.  You had no way of knowing that your mother was seriously ill.  You could not have forced her to go to the doctor.  Unfortunately there is much help for pancreatic cancer even if it is caught early.  Your mother is no longer in pain.  You are the one who is suffering.  Please find a counselor to talk to.  You can't go through this alone.  You need a source of support.  You can call information and ask for your local crisis intervention number and talk to them they will help you and refer you to someone you can continue to talk to.

If you have children try to be strong for them as they are going through the same process of grief as you, but, they cannot express it as you can.  I always like this little prayer.

God saw her getting tired, a cure not meant to be,

so He put his arms around her and whispered

             "come with

                 Me"                     Please take care of yourself and I am so sorry for your loss.  You were very lucky to have had such a good mother and friend.

Answer 13

You can't blame yourself; that is a waste of time and will tear your life apart if you keep thinking like that.  

This situation is what I think about often; the world just doesn't get it.  They do not get why we are all here; we're here to love and be loved.

We are not coming back and everywhere ppl have little regard for the other ppl in their lives.  It's the most tragic thing there is; a loveless life is a dead life.  

Give yourself time to grieve.  Pray to the Lord to comfort you; accept Christ as your Savior and you won't have to go thru this alone in your own heart.

Love God and put your love to work on those around you; that is the best thing you can do for them and yourself.

God bless.