Help?! I need to put my baby down for 5 seconds!?

Question

My daughter is 9 months and one week old. She has really bad separation anxiety and wants me to hold her ALL the tme! It has gotten to the point that I can't even sit her on the floor and sit in front of her to play without her Screaming her head off. She just screams and climbs up on me. Needless to say I can't move even a foot away to do the dishes or change over laundry. I know the housework can be left for nap time, but the other issue is that she is about 25 pounds and killing me physically. Even in the wrap she is so so heavy and just wearing me out. What can I do? I tried just letting her cry for 5 minutes or so, but it breaks my heart and she tends to vomit if she cries more than 2 or 3 minutes. Any ideas? Anyone been through this?

Answer 1

Put her down!  You're allowed to do that, even if she does vomit.  Just be gentle but firm and when you're done, pick her up again and reassure her!  Use a baby gate to keep her out of the kitchen so she is not climbing on you.  Eventually she'll get it that you're not going anywhere and that she is okay.

I am sorry that her separation anxiety is so strong.  But take it as a compliment, she loves you so much she can't bear to be separated from you.  She really really loves her mommy!

Answer 2

I would say that it looks like she screams and cries, cause she knows she going to get what she wants, which is getting picked up. You have to be more firm, not just give in after 5 minutes. Plus vomiting isn't a fun thing to do, so if she does vomit, I'm sure she will start to learn pretty fast that it isn't fun. She might cry more at first, but eventually she will see that it isn't the proper way of getting attention. People from babies up to adults do what works. If crying gets her what she wants, that's what she is going to do. She needs to be distracted with something else-- books, videos, maybe a bouncer so she can practice standing, etc.

Answer 3

You have to let her be on her own.  Even if it is a terrible experience for you.

Answer 4

You must start diverting her attention with something else, like maybe educational toys that are a challenge for her.  Sit next to her while she plays and gradually slide yourself away the slightest bit.  You just have to keep at it - don't make a big fuss or let her know what you are doing.  If she has other interests and is not just focused on you she should gradually begin to be able to accept you being in the room but not physically holding her.  Try music, baby instruments, kitchen items, anything that she seems interested in.

Answer 5

mommy, dont let your baby cry for more than a minute, they might get air and get stocked in their stomach...i dont know what it is called in english but sometimes that is the reason why they cry more...i can distinguish it, its like having a hard stomach with air in it..it is a hard situation for a baby...

just cuddle her, and sing a song....there are just times that your baby will cry and cry...so be patient...

im 17 and i saw the right ways of taking care a baby because of my sister got pregnant and she, i and my mom took care of him until he was 1 yr old...its worth it when you see the baby is growing up...and you will miss it...

Answer 6

You need to just step out of the picture when dad is home and allow her to have more dad time. This will help with her attachment to you. This will allow her to see there is someone else out there whom will care for her.

Answer 7

Just lay her down and close the door she will stop eventually and if she vomits just go wipe it up and leave again..I know its hard but sometimes its for the better in the long run :D

Answer 8

If you don't mind carrying her, you may want to find a different style of carrier that will make it easier for you.  Most cities have babywearing groups where you can try other people's carriers out.  The Ergo has a good reputation.  

I would also check with your pediatrician and see if they have any suggestions.  Hopefully she'll outgrow it soon.

Answer 9

Long ago I read that a baby will double the length of time it cries every time it is reinforced. That means if she cries for 5 minutes and you give in, she'll cry for 10 minutes the next time. I don't know if it is true, but it certainly seems to be.

Tell her you are going to put her down. Give her a toy and a treat. Tell her not to cry because you will be right back.  Then put her down and step out of her sight.  Watch her.  Watch the way she works herself into a tantrum.  If possible, step back into sight before she actually begins crying and praise her for being such a good girl.  That way you can lengthen the amount of time between down and tears until the tears are eliminated.

But if it isn't possible to stop the tantrum or you don't have the time, let it go. It will not hurt her to spit up. It will not hurt her to cry. It certainly will hurt you to allow your life to be ruled by someone who weighs only 25 pounds.

Answer 10

yes you need to change her surroundings every few minutes is all.  sit her in a play pen let her cry then 10 minutes later switch her to the high chair. keep changing surroundings and you should be able to get some work done. If all else fails just do what I do. put her upstairs in the crib ignore all crying  turn up music loud and ignore till your ready.  If you don't have the heart for this then your in for a loooong troublesome time being bullied by baby.  in fact if my baby cries out of anger and  wont listen then i usually automaticly put her away and let her cry till her vocal chords burst. longer she cries the longer  she stays. only when she is quiet do I go get her. even if its 2 or 3 hours later. sounds mean.  But i guarrantee I get to do what i want and she's learning whos boss while your still   pulling at your own hair in frustration

Answer 11

Mine is 7 months.  He's pretty good at playing on the floor with his older brother, but after a while he comes looking for me and cries and pulls on my pant leg.  I found that he's happier in his jumper (Rainforest jumper by fisher-price).

Answer 12

yes, been there.

u can continue to carry her.

or

u can just put her down somewhere safe. ignore the cries like play pen.

or

u can put her in a stroller and push her everywhere u go.

Answer 13

Check with your doctor to make sure your baby doesn't have GERD or something, but no matter what, if you have to lay your baby down and she is not ready to be seperated from you, do what you can to comfort her through such a challenging experience so she knows that you support her and validate her feelings. Try taking baby steps, set her down and hold her hand while you play on the floor together, keeping her close to you, if she gets upset reassure her that you're not leaving and tell her it's okay. Just keep trying and try little steps for short amounts of time until she feels safe and secure. If you pull away to fast you will lose her trust in you.

EDIT: Brandon, what you're describing is neglect and child abuse. If you don't want to continuously have power struggles with your child or if later you grow weary of her bullying you you should try reading Nanny 911, it explains a lot as to why a baby would bully you.

I hope that you consider some parenting advice at some point, for your sake as well as your childs. I've tried both the hard way and the way I've just described, fighting with your kids is not the answer and it only makes the problem worse. Instead, if you LISTEN to your children and show them respect and love always you will find there is little to no problem at all.

I don't usually tell other parents how to raise their children but I really feel bad for your child who must feel very alone and abandonned everytime you put her in her room for "2-3 hours".

Answer 14

Yikes! Even with distractions such as a playmat or surrounding her with toys that light up and make music? Maybe set her infront of a little Einstien video. My daughter LOVES those silly things. I wish you and your daughter the best.