Help! I think my toddler's preschool teacher is physically disciplining him.?

Question

I walked into The Children's Courtyard Day Care and found my 3 year old son frightened to get up from his class's story time circle even after seeing me enter his room. When we got to the car, I asked him what happened. He made a fist and then punched the palm of his other hand and said the teacher did it. I suspect his teacher pushed him with her fist, but can't prove it. How should I respond?

Answer 1

You should ask your son about it, even if he may act strange about it. Also, ask some of the parents of the children in the daycare if they kids feel frightened too. If you do indeed find out the teacher is physically discipling him, take action. As in legal action and then physically discipline the *****.

Answer 2

Matt has a great answer!!! Get a daily schedule. Then, as Matt suggested, show up at on 'off-parent' time. you really get to see what is going on behind the scenes. I do want to point out, avoid showing up during the middle of an activity time. If Story Time is at 11, then show up at 10:50. If free play is between 9:30 amd 10:30, show up some time during that time. However, showing up in the middle of a group activity can be very disruptive to a class. Day care centers know very few parents show up during the day. This is when you can see best what is going on at the center.

Answer 3

I agree with one of the other responses that most 3 year old children have enough oral language skills to tell you in quite a bit of detail what actually happened.  How long has it been? Maybe you can ask him again.  If you feel it has been too long for an accurate description then keep it in the back of your head.  Make sure you have a conversation of what is right and wrong in the classroom and that he needs to tell you if something he thinks isn't right...happens to him or another child.  

I bet you don't hit and such at home and if he gets it at school a well-adjusted child will tell another adult.  Most likely the teacher got frusterated and her body language came across very strongly.  That teacher DOES need to keep in control of herself.  You could begin documenting...because you are right...you need proof. But if you get many thoughts about something not being just right...you can take your documented concerns to the director.

Another thought...how often do you pick up your child from story time circle?  I know in my program I encourage the children NOT to jump up and race to their parent. This is very disrupting for the group :-)  I encourage the parent to come in quietly and sit with us until we get to a stopping point.

Hope everything goes well!

Answer 4

first discuss this situation with the principle( along with the teacher), then if it doesn't work.... report it to the board of education..Make sure you have proof.

Answer 5

3 year olds might take something too serious (ex. Loud voices = Screaming) But then again, they're innocent and might not lie at all (only the truth). I'm not saying that he's lying but he might've taken something abusive when it wasn't.

So check with other parents and if alot of parents think that too, then confrnting the teacher will be a no problem :)

Answer 6

That is a serious situation i would make sure ur son has no marks and try to tell if the teacher is lieing i would confront the teacher in a calm manner

Answer 7

well, i would think a 3 year old could give you a more accurate description of the situation. my 2 year old gives me all the details when i ask him about anything so i would wait until your child calmed down and ask lots of questions. to avoid it feeling like he is in trouble though i would do it laying in bed maybe after bedtime stories or something lay next to him so he is at ease and not having to look you in the eye like he is being interrogated or something and see if you can get to the bottom of it.

from what you described i am thinking perhaps there are some scare tactics being used in that school which in of itself is alarming but may not necessarily be a physical discipline. maybe the gesture your child showed you was a gesture that was used and it scared him. either way it is highly inappropriate and should be addressed. maybe you could ask the teacher what happened and see if the story adds up with what you get from your son. if its not adding up you should report it to the teacher's supervisor, the proper authorities and change schools.

Answer 8

If in doubt, take him out! ALWAYS err on the side of caution when it comes to your child's well being. Your son should not exhibit fear towards his caregivers... ever. Does your daycare have cameras in the room? If so explain to the director what happened and see if it can be checked out, but do it soon, some places tape over old tapes after a certain period of time. I would take no chances when it came to my child's treatment, there are too many good daycare facilities out there. Suspected abuse or neglect is a deal breaker, and should be sufficient grounds to allow you of your daycare contract. If in doubt contact your child protective services in your area and ask if these are grounds to break the daycare contract. Hope all works out well, bless you and your little guy.

EDITED TO ADD; A threatening gesture made towards a child with the intent to frighten into submission is an abusive act, especially in a daycare situation. They must use redirection to get their point across, not fear.

Answer 9

be calm about the situation

see if it happens again

then check with other parents and if it is

talk to the teacher

Answer 10

The first thing to do is think back very carefully on what you asked.  The hard part of this age is they will often answer with "yes" answers.  So if the situation is another student hit another student and you asked, "Did the teacher hit you?" when you saw what he did, he will change his perception and possibly even his memory of how things happened.  If you asked him, "What happened?"  He did the motion then you said something like, "can you tell me more?" and he elaborated that the teacher hit him, that's the best way to go about this next time.

That said, it is an unfortunate truth that toddler programs, as much as they cost to parents, often do not bring a lot of money in so the quality of teaching is often low.  

Your best place is to begin with what you do know.  When you picked up your son, he seemed quite nervous or upset.  It is unclear to you as to why so ask if anything happened that day that would make him feel that way.  Starting off the conversation that way will lead to more information than if you approach it in a "I think you did something wrong" manner.  I'm not saying the teacher didn't do anything wrong.  I'm saying you'll get a better feel for it because, innocent or guilty, if it's approached the wrong way it might suddenly turn into a defensive discussion.  If you approach it this way, you'll get a better feel for what your gut says might have happened and you can begin to keep a closer eye on it.

Another tip:  Have some days when you'll say you'll pick him up at x:xx  and show up an hour earlier.  Just give them the wrong time.  This will give you a chance to see what happens when they are clearly not expecting you to walk in.

Hope this helps some!

Matt