Help! I think the sitter/daycare is spoiling our grandbaby! What do I do?

Question

My partner's 21 year old daughter left her 13 month old daughter (our grandbaby) with us to take care of during her deployment (Navy). All has been good for the past 2 months (she normally was an angel) except for the last two weeks. Our 16 year old daughter took care of her while we worked but she has started back to school. So we now take our grandbaby to an at home daycare. The sitter takes care of 5 other children in her home. We have had her there for two weeks now. The problems started the first afternoon we picked her up from the sitter. Once we got her home, she started crying everytime one of us told her no about something or tried to disipline her. This has been happening every night since. The tantrums have gotten so bad that she actually makes herself sick and vomits and she cannot seem to stop crying no matter how much we comfort her (unless I give her what she wants at the time). Once she does calms down, everything starts over. Is the sitter spoiling our grandbaby? If so, what do we do?

Answer 1

Something worse than being spoiled is probably going on in that home. It is very odd that the symptoms--very extreme--were so quick to show up. It could, of course, be a very innocent explanation. Like the child is too tired because she can't get any sleep at the daycare.Lack of naps will completely alter the personality of any innocent angel. However, I'd seriously think about changing babysitters. Getting sick to the point of throwing up is a serious warning sign about something going on. Think about how the child is not old enough or capable enough to speak up if something IS wrong. I'd rather play it safe than sorry.

Answer 2

it's a possibility... y dont u have a talk with the sitter or spend an hour or 2 monitoring the baby at the sitters and c whats goin on there... hope it works out... good luck

Answer 3

Its not unusual for kids to make themselves sick through a tantrum. i mean if you screamed the way they do for that long you would be sick too. As far as the spoiled thing goes its hard. My mums a foster carer so we have alot of kids around and it doesnt take long before they turn into little madams ! the only thing you can do is stick to your guns and dont give in ! We had a little boy whose fave trick was to cry til he was sick to get what he wanted. Giving in only makes it worse. Put your foot down it wont take her long to figure out its not working with you. The little boy i mentioned was terrible with my mother but yet when i had him he was fine because he knew it wouldnt get him any where. I know its hard to see them so upset but it will only get worse if you pander to her.

I also know that you are prolly thinking at 21 im hardly qualifyed to give advice but i am also a trained nursery nurse.  

Answer 4

She could be upset that she isn't with people she knows. So because of that she is getting more attention from the sitter/home daycare worker. I work at a daycare and we get kids who have never been in daycare before and because of that it takes them forever to adjust. I find that the second week in a new daycare is the hardest. She could be just trying to get more attention from you. That's what it sounds like with the throwing up. She is doing whatever she can to make you pay attention to her.  

Something you can do is ask the sitter/daycare person what happens doing the day. How does she herself handle tantrums?  How does she handle the situation when she has to tell the child no, but it doesn't work?  

Just sit down and talk with the person to find out what's going on. Bring up all the concerns you have. I would not spend 2 hours there watching unless it was really needed. The reason I say for that is the child will act different and so will the sitter.  If it really bothers you then pull her out and find a different home daycare.

Good luck as I know this can be a hard thing.

Answer 5

tell the babysitter exactly how you guys think the child should be raised.. for me i hated when people would pick my son up all the time when he was just fine.. be strict.. small children need guidelines else they will become brats that you see at dinner whining for no reason or throwing a huge tantrum.. tell the sitter/ day care certain things you guys dont want them doing.. if they cant do that.. go to a new person

Answer 6

The sitter can't be spoiling her THAT much. It takes much more than one day to set the pattern of being spoiled.

More than likely, it's a transition problem. It's hard to get used to going to a new place. Does she enjoy going over there? Is she napping and eating properly? Maybe she misses you guys. Is she bored? Is she getting enough attention at the sitter's?

I don't think it's spoiling, per se. There is obviously something going on. Does the sitter say that she's behaving normally and is happy, etc?  

Answer 7

Probably. Go to that sitter one time for the whole day and see what she does. Then, if she is spoiling her, take her away from that sitter and don't give her the things she wants. Let her get sick. Prove your point that if she had asked calm and nice the first time and hadn't overreacted that you would've given her what she wanted. Hope I helped! Please answer my question: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?... Thanks!

Answer 8

I tend to think it isn't spoiling which is upsetting her. It sounds like the word no has suddenly turned into a very threatening experience for her. I honestly think she is being severely punished in some way.

Don't take her back there. If you need to take time off from your job until you find someone else to watch her, do it. If you feel you have to take her back there, make sure you stop in unexpectedly and just walk in so you can see what is going on when they don't think the parents or grandparents are around.

Has she had any bruising or marks on her body that they explained away? If she has or if you stop in and see any mistreatment of any child, contact child protective services and ask them to investigate.

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It just seems to be too big of a coincidence that  the behavior started the same day but it could be that she is just starting another developmental stage. I found the link to a child psychologist who will answer your questions for a fee. If I were you I would be willing to pay to get expert advice on the matter.

Your granddaughter is too precious to take any chances with and with all the crazy things you hear anymore you just can't ignore possible warning signs in a child too young to tell you.

I sincerely hope that its just a stage she is going through and there is nothing going on at the child care providers.

Answer 9

If anything I get the feeling that she is just not getting all the attention that she needs during the day. When she was with you or your daughter she was getting a lot more one on one time and now she is competing with five other kids. We see the same thing with our daughter in the evenings of the days she spent at daycare versus the days she spent with my wife.