Help.....Is this too much to ask?

Question

Okay here's my situation. I'm 23 years old and I have a broken relationship with my Dad. I've only met him twice in my life. We speak maybe once every three months. Usually it's a very short conversation. I dropped out of high school. I don't have any kids and I'm not loose in the streets like alot of girls I grew up with. But my Dad always holds this against me. I've taken my GED and passed 4 out 5 sections. I'm scheduled to take my last part next month. I haven't told yet because i really don't like sharing things with him. Anyway, he has 2 smaller kids. A girl and boy. Once, he even called me by accident and ranted on and on about how much he wanted a boy. He didn't know it was me. I listened the entire time. I was so peeved. I've hardly talk to him since. Well, he got what he wanted and now I feel more neglected than I used. He didn't send a card on my B-Day like usual. I get so scared to talk to him, he's not abusive or anything. I just don't connect with him. We're extremely alike. He's like a male version of me. Recently, I've fallen on hard times. Financially. I don't have a job. I do put in applications so there is an effort to do better for myself. I feel like me father owes me a lot. He paid child support for some years but it was only $50 a month and I have other siblings that my mom had to take care of. He didn't meet until I was 16. And I haven't seen I was 17. I desparately need a new computer. I want to ask him but I feel so ashamed to have to ask him for anything. I feel like I should be able to do that on my own. My question is should I ask him or not?

Answer 1

You can ask him but I would bet good money that he will say no. He abandoned you a long time ago and has shown through his actions that he is more concerned with his life and what he wants than your happiness. I can't even fathom why he would call your mother and start in on how upset he was that you weren't born a boy. It sounds to me like he is blaming her when its really the male who determines the s*x of the baby.

The man who calls himself your father is not and never has been a father to you. Trying to gain his approval and love is going to keep hurting you. It isn't you, its him. He is the one with a problem, not you.

I am so mad at him for you. There is a lot of love out there and I'm sure that someday you will meet a man who is capable of loving you the way you should be loved and loving any children you and he have together.

Good luck getting the GED and please work at furthering your education even beyond that. Do it for you though, not for a man who doesn't deserve you.

Answer 2

If you want to, I would suggest waiting until you complete your GED and then maybe mentioning to him that now that that has been completed you were looking into taking some on-line college courses so that you could work and go to school but would have to wait until you have enough money to purchase an up to date computer. Then see if he offers! I think the hardest part may be realizing that he may never be the father you would have liked to have had!

Answer 3

Make a pro and con list about asking him. If the consequences outshine the reward by asking, then don't ask him.

Yes you deserve more from him but he doesn't sound capable of giving you the nurture you need and financially he isn't apt to, if he hasn't done any more than that.

Think of other ways you could have a decent computer.

Grand parents are usually willing to help. Maybe it just needs a little repair for now. Do you know any computer nerds?

Is there a tech school or class in a college that teaches computer repair? They might fix yours for near nothing.

Just some ideas.

I'm sorry about your father. I grew up without mine too. I hope your journey is wonderfull in the future years. God bless you

Answer 4

Hmm  

I also dont like my dad. He never bought something for me. If you really think hopeless then dont ask for him. I dont have new computer too but I am sure I will have one by myself. Be strong.

Good luck girl  

Answer 5

I think you should try to resolve the issues in your relationship with your dad first.

Try telling him hrelationshiplt the last 23 years of your life, but try not to become hostile during the conversation. Try saying, "Dad, I feel like you're not proud of me, dId you know I'm working on my GED? " or "I sometimes feel neglected, I wish we could spend more time together" "We're so much alike that we just bump heads, I'd like to try and change that."

Focus on actions you will take. Lay out to him that you are willing to put forth the effort to make changes on your end. In every situation we can only control our own actions, not the actions of others. So, you can try to change yourself and perhaps it will provoke action from him. If it doesn't, move on with your life and invest your energy in people who also invest their energy in you.

Good luck!

Improving your relationship with your father will prove far more valuable than a computer.  

Answer 6

well honestly if you and your dad are not close then you just aent and sorry to tell you but a lot of dad wish their daughters were boys and a lot of moms wish their sons were girls thats just how the world works kid and im only 15 and just lost my dad but we were very close.....just from experiance......you have no idea wat yo uare missing......a father figure is the best thing that you could ever have......you need to talk to your father and tell him how you are feeling and that it was you listening to the conversation and everything like that.........life is too short not to get to know the ppl that you should love.........one day you will look back and regret not spending fathers day with your dad and not getting to see him on his birthday and him not getting to see you on your birthday.........just try to understand where i am coming from i am sorry if it isnt wat you wanted to hear but it is the truth

Answer 7

Ask our dad for the computer. If he says no ...then no big deal he has been absent in every other area of your life.  He really doesn't have the right to judge you for quitting school since he wasn't there to make sure you stayed in.

$50  a month isn't much. He should do this for you if he is financially able to do so. My husband also has a daughter with similar circumstances. Only it's she the daughter who calls and gripes at him. He always paid child support and kept insurance on her. The girls mother didn't want him involved in their lives and she was raised by another great man whom she calls dad. I feel for you all it is a painful situation.