Help Me- I get VERY depressed when others succeed?

Question

Because everything is relative and if they're getting ahead then you're getting behind.

Obviously we "shouldn't compare ourselves" but the fact of life is that comparing and contrasting is human nature and part of everything we do???

Answer 1

I think most people experience that tendency, I think that's one of the emotional tendencies we have been imbued with by our evolutionary history.  In a very similar way to how we have intense sexual jealousy, natural selection could have given us a similar emotional response in terms of generalized success.  

However, I'll give you two points as to how you can try to minimize this negative aspect of being a human:

Firstly: It is false that if someone else is "getting ahead" you are "getting behind".  This sort of thing is only true in what we philosophers call a "Zero-Sum Game", which human society is not!  In situations like a game of tennis, that would be true, if your opponent is getting ahead, you are losing the game.  There can only be one winner.  However, our current post-modern, information age, modern society is most definitely NOT of the same type.  Oftentimes it is the progress of others which allows everyone's life to become better, we can work together to make a better world for all, instead of taking the "state of nature" "war of all vs all" mentality.

This leads to the second point I had in mind.  I'll take the same phrase you used, and show you how it can lead to a completely different conclusion...

"Everything is relative". You can choose to perceive the world in many different ways.  Clearly the jealous, depressed way is not a good one (at least for you), so maybe you should try to find another way to perceive the same reality.  I would suggest trying to view things from a more "holistic" perspective.  Don't think in terms of "I" and "Them", don't think in terms of competition, success and failure.  Try instead to view the entire world as a collective society or even (if you're up to the mental gymnastics) as an organism in its own right.  

Success of any part of the world (any person etc) is good for the whole!  Anytime something good happens for anyone, it makes your life better as well in some sense.   It doesn't matter how "true" or "false" this is, what we are talking about is your perceptions, and I think this would make your life improve.  

Hope it does!

Answer 2

it seems like you feel others are your competition and with every great feat they seem closer to winning something and you feel like the loser. it depends what exactly the prize is.. are they your friends, co-workers, family, or is it everyone? is the prize attention, good reputation, money? feeling this way about co-workers is quite typical because it is quite obvious you are all together in the first place for money (usually exclusively). and if they shine at work, they may be promoted and you wouldnt be, etc. but when it concerns everyone, there is a large void in your life and you grow depressed when others seem like they are having a fuller life, because it reminds you of how empty you feel? the main thing is to figure out what is missing in your life. there are very ill, or very poor, people out there who are happy with life and watching others succeed because they are generally fulfilled. find out what you are missing in your life and seize it! then you will feel neutral or even happy to see others succeed and not feel intimidated.

Answer 3

well maybe you should see how great your doing and at least your not behind as other people even if your last is could be worse

Answer 4

i used to get depressed when other people where better than me at something but then i found out i do suck and i am terrible at everything

Answer 5

Just because you went to that trade school on the back of those match book covers, doesn't mean you can't aspire to become President of The Free World !

The real question is, will you try ?

Or,  will you live out your life in quiet desperation ?

This is the way the world ends

this is the way the world ends

not...with a bang

c**p !  now  I'm  depressed !

Answer 6

get over it your not going behind. dont give me that bull, just do the best you can.

Answer 7

No body is #1 at everything.  Find something that you're good at and focus on it. Besides, most people aren't who they appear to be.  The guy that brags the loudest usually feels he has to.  When he goes home at night and no one is looking his wife probably beats him.

Answer 8

stop being jealous

Answer 9

That's very natural but remember:  there are probably 3 billion people alive today who would envy you.

The key to career satisfaction is to find your niche where you like what you're doing, are good at it, and are content.

There is probably much, much more pressure in the higher strata than as a 'soldier'.   'Suits' are on the knife's edge and all too often pay with their lives.  If it's your lot to be a soldier, be a  good one and enjoy the freedom it gives you.

Answer 10

Haha, everything is relative... except, you know, the idea that everything is relative.  That's absolute instead.

Answer 11

yeah i get like that too.  but then i get over it.  I just am like oh they are doing bigger and better things and i'm left behind.

Answer 12

You need a self confidence boost.  You must not be happy with you otherwise you would not have those feelings.  Stop focusing on what others have and focus on what you want.  Once you do that, you will find that all your cards will fall into place and you will loose those feelings.  It's called the Law of Attraction and it is a real law of physics and it works. Focus on what you want.

Answer 13

I think that your so right about the fact that it's a part of human nature to compare ourselves to others. However there are so many things in general you can say "it's just human nature", such as humans innate ability to fear the things that we don't understand. But everyday people tell themselves that they won't be afraid and in an instant they forget what is human nature to them. The fact is that yes it is built into who you are but you don't have to let it control you. You are in control of what you think as well as what you feel, and at the end of the day your ultimately in control of everything you are as a person.

I know it seems very difficult to stop being sad when other succeed but it is possible. The first step to conquering it is finding out what you lack in life that makes you feel inadequate. Once you do that you'll have an easier time straying from this "in a sense" jealousy

Answer 14

i think that you should start doing something that youll successed in!!!!! that way you wont feel depressed, youll feel happy that your being successful and you will try harder every time to successed again!

Answer 15

Dude you sound like a "Hater." Try focusing on your life and not everybody else's.

Answer 16

...okay being relative, they did their homework, did YOU...

...thanks for asking and good luck...

Answer 17

Id work on getting myself more head. use it as motivation to work harder, improve your self

Answer 18

do you feel happy with your life? i find at times when i am not happy with myself it can make me feel jealous or sad when others do well. it is not something most admit to but something that is more common than you would think.

what kind of things make you happy? try making your life more what you want it to be so others can envy you!

Answer 19

I know how you feel. Two of my best friends just started dating the only 2 girls I was interested in. Its just like. fu*k, what the h**l do I do now...

Try isolating yourself from them for a few days. Do something to keep yourself busy, then just accept the way things are at face value.

Answer 20

You have to realize that there will always be someone who knows more than you, is taller than you, more handsome, tra-la-la... and so it goes on.

So before you decide to drown yourself (please don't!) you need to make a decision to just be who you are: yourself - good, bad, or indifferent in your abilities and qualities - there's only one you.

Besides, it's better that you should worry about what is on your plate before you start looking at your fellow's plate. True? I'd say so.

Find out what your talents are in life and just cultivate your own garden.