Help! My child is the dork?

Question

I agree that being a "nerd" is almost always better for your child as they are the smart ones who will most likely be the boss of the "popular" ones later on. The problem I have with it is the controlling things that the kids do to her. And peer pressure is a serious problem. One girl tells her she can't eat with so and so and my daughter just goes along with it. Or that she's not allowed to be friends with someone else and she says ok. They tell her to jump and she says how high. What can I do? Many of the kids don't like her because she is kind of annoying with her talking and she is a huge tattle tale. I've tried to explain to her that telling on people isn't going to make her any friends. But of course I want her to tell if someone has a knife. She is a very black and white person. There never seems to be a middle ground. She's 8

Answer 1

in my opinion, ur daughter should stand up to that other girl, but she does need to stop being a tattle tale, i bet if she keeps it cool she is going to have friend in no time! good luck.. =]

Answer 2

You need to impress upon her a feeling of self worth. If kids say to her you're a nerd, she should say in front of everyone , don't project your insecurities onto me loser! Bullies are weak and all she needs to do is expose their flaws and their power is gone.It's up to you to teach her this...

Answer 3

Well, some things just need to be learned from first hand experience.  I had a friend like that in school.  She would eat dog food if we told her to (luckily, we were not mean kids and we NEVER did anything mean).  Eventually, as she matured, she figured out how to stand up for herself on her own.  All you can do is let her dig herself into a hole, then be there for her when she asks for advice.  Don't try to pull her out of the hole until she reaches up her hands and begs for it.

Your kid is not a nerd, she's a sheep.  Even sheep learn how to not get eaten by the wolf, so don't worry so much. In the end, all you can do is instill good values in her.  The way she handles her interpersonal communication is something she needs to learn on her own.  I know it kills you to watch, but you just gotta let her fall down, then stick a band-aid on her and push her out the door again.

Answer 4

Personally, I'm not that kind of person.

And guess what? I have many friends. What I think your daughter should do is, just relax. Don't suck up to anyone because then, they don't respect you and you know what else? They will spread BS about you and how you want friends so badly.

Tell her to just be herself, because that's what counts, right? And don't be a tattle tale............... that's just weird. Kids aren't going to be friends with someone who's going to tell on them. Duh?

It doesn't matter if she's 8 or 67. People need friends, period. It's better to learn social skills now then when you're a teen. When you're a teen ( which I am ), I am telling you that people will pick her apartttttttttttttt like crazy.

* No matter what, she needs to stand up for herself.

Answer 5

Okay, there are two kinds of nerds. The first kind is smart, the second are socially awkward. You can be a nerd and popular so being smart isn't stopping your daughter from making friends. I know you love your daughter, but even you admit she can be annoying because she's a tattle-tale, etc. I think the problem here is poor social skills (with her peers). A sense of humour often helps and a sense of self pride. If she's not needy about friendship friends will come to her. She needs to have something to feel good about, without bragging about it to other people (that will also make her unpopular). It's your job as a parent to help make her cool, with a conscience. Help her to socialize more (on a sports team or in a dance class). She's still young enough for you to take cookies or cupcakes or something fun to the school. Make sure she has a jump rope or chalk or whatever accessory girls need to play during recess these days. Give her an extra snack to share. I'm not saying you have to buy friends for her, but you do have to encourage other girls to spend time with her so they can see how great she really is.

Answer 6

My youngest is 7 and has a very black and white way of thinking as well. She has gone through this and I told her many times a true friend does not treat you this way. She does not tattle but is very shy and timid. Over the course of the year she has grown tired of this and has started being friends with who ever she wants and does not always stand up  to the child but does not let them boss her any longer. I would tell her that no one knows how you feel unless you speak up, and until you speak up kids will continue to treat you this way. Just keep reinforcing the true meaning of friendship and do not let the so called friendships go any further than school no matter how much she begs. I made it clear to my daughter we would not have play dates with these kinds of kids.  This is just something she has to learn on her own. You need to try and build self esteem in her so eventually she does stand up for herself.

Good luck and hang in there.

Answer 7

My child is very smart, but still very popular in his school. Not because of his smarts, but bc he knows who he is and is very comfortable with that. You have to teach your child to stand up for themself and to not listen to others but to herself. If she wants to sit there or be friends with somebody then stand up for that. Is it necessary to tell on everything, teach her what to tell and what not to tell. Open her mind to other things and other activites that she'll enjoy and make new friends.