Help... My daughter's bff has a boyfriend and they are only 9 years old?

Question

I thought I had a few more years before having to deal with this. Here's the deal: My daughter and her bf are only 9 years old. Her bf is very cute, the typical skinny girl with long hair and popular. My daughter is likable but not the typical skinny girl. Well, the bff has a boyfriend since the beginning of the summer. She brags about it to all her friends. My son just informed me that she calls him at all hours of the night on her cell phone and have been kissing on the lips. She brags about it to all her friends. She says her mom and dad are okay with it. She also tells lies to her advantage. I know for a fact that she lies to her parents because I had the police on my doorstep looking for her and she told me that she told her parents we were going to a soccer game. But that's another story.

Question: Should I try to break up the relationship between my daughter and her bff? Should I tell the bff's mother about what her daughter is truely up to? Should I stay out of it and hope my own daughter will make the right choices... at age 9? Or, am I over reacting and should just chill out? Help?

Answer 1

bring it to an end asap

Answer 2

u r not overreacting u r just a concerned mother. I think u should tell your daughters bff mom about this because u would want to know if you daughter is going out with someone behind your back( im not saying she is). If i was your daughters bff mom i sure would want to know about her bf and what she has been saying that may not be appropriot like about kissing on the lips. And i also think u should break off the realationship with your daughters bff because that is not a good influence and what if her bff pressures her into doing something that she will regret. I dont think your daughter is old enough to know what to do in these kind of situations so thats when u step in. Explain to your daughter about what u feel and get her to slowly diconnect with her bff by finding kids who r good influences and who dont think of such things. When her bff wants to play say u r busy and soon if u keep it that way she will give up.

Answer 3

Whoa. It's okay.

Your daughter at least isn't doing it. It's not your problem. Stay out of it. You don't have to cut the relationship short just because her BEST FRIEND has a boyfriend. Heck, I had a boyfriend in 1st grade!! So, it's not your problem until your daughter gets a boyfriend. =]

Answer 4

Heart's in the 808 is right hands down. She had the cops at her door because she lied? And she is only 9 YRS OLD? I didn't start dating until I was 13, which is the age I am at now. If I pulled this c**p when I was 9 I would've NEVER HEARD THE END OF IT. She is just too young to be dating.

Answer 5

No you're not over-reacting,you're not Re-acting at all.  Honestly, Do you really need to ask this question?  The girl is 9 years old, calling her "BF" at all hours of the night,kissing him on the LIPS and NOW you have the COPS at YOUR DOOR looking for her because she LIED to her parents about where she would be???!!!  She is TROUBLE looking for a place to HAPPEN...get your daughter away from that kid...RIGHT NOW!

Answer 6

wow she has a cell phone! i had my first boyfriend when i was 9 and if you think kissing is bad, you haven't heard nothing yet, we did everything together.i think that you should talk to her mother. i don't think it's a good idea to break up the kids since they are such good friends. maybe talk to the boys parents too so that they understand what's going on. they shouldn't be surprised if their kids come home with a baby in 3 years

Answer 7

If it's not your daughter then don't break up the relationship between your daughter and bff.

Yes you should.

nope.

Answer 8

honestly I think unless your daughter is coming to you and asking you to do something i think you should stay out of it ,  

Answer 9

My daughters started having "boyfriends" in third grade - about 8 or 9 years old.  Half of the girls in the class claimed to be "going out" with a boy.  But when I questioned them closely, I realized that most of this was in the girls' heads.  

A girl would decide she  "liked" a certain boy, and this would give her some claim over him among the other girls. The chosen boy would then be asked whether he wanted to "go out" with the girl.  The asking was often done by note or through a third party.  "No" was never an acceptable answer.  No matter what the boy said, it was interpreted as either a) he "liked" the girl and wanted to "go out," or b) he should be asked again. If the answer was b), the asking continued until the answer was a).  They were then considered to be "going out" together.  

I remember asking my daughters where exactly a couple who were "going out" went.  The answer was, "well, they don't really go anywhere. They just sit together at lunch sometimes."   Did they hold hands or kiss? "OMG, no! That's gross!"  

You wrote that this girl lies.  Could it be that she's, let's say, elaborating on the typical boy-girl interaction that goes on at this age?

As for how you should respond, if you feel she is a bad influence on your daughter, now is the time to start discussions about peer pressure, good and bad choices, and how friends fit in.  Even if your daughter stops being friends with this particular girl, more friends will come along, some of whom might also be a bad influence.  She needs to learn how to resist that and live according to her own standards.  You can't change the other girl's behavior.  It sounds as if her parents are already aware of her problems.  Concentrate on your daughter, but don't come on too strong.  

Answer 10

woah lady, they're 9

i think you should definatly back off a little bit and avoid being a "helicopter mom". You're not a terrible person or anything, but honestly, she's ACTING like a 9 year old.

if you don't want your daughter around her it's your choice as her mother, but make sure you're not overreacting. even with the lies and running away, again she's acting like a 9 year old

Answer 11

well for your daughter sake i vote you just talk to her and tell her your concerns. if you let your daughter know that you trust her enough to make the right decisions and to talk to her it will help in the long run when the time does come. as for the friend how close are you and her relationship? if it is the type where your like her second mom then try talking to her first. if not then spark up a convo with her mom

Answer 12

chill out wow i can tell already your a controlling parent

Answer 13

Well if this girl is setting a really bad example for you daughter, I agree with trying to separate the two girls. But don't just tell your daughter that you don't want her seeing her bff anymore. That would really hurt her. Encourage her to be good friends with some other "good girls" in her class.  

Answer 14

awwwwwwww i find it cute:)  

Answer 15

I would tell your daughter that you don't like the way her best friend has been acting lately. Ask her how she feels about the things that she does, if any of them make her uncomfortable. Your daughter may just open up to you, and she might even be grateful for your help if her friend is making her feel like a baby, or pressuring her into things she isn't ready for.

I don't think you're over-reacting at all. I wouldn't want my 9 year old around that kind of stuff! If you think you need to tell the friend's Mom what she's been up to and what all you've heard, then do it but just make sure it doesn't sound accusatory. Like, hey I just wanted to let you know what I've been hearing about your daughter because I'd be really concerned if it were me....be prepared to be told to mind your own business though, it may not go over to well. But the bottom line is that you have to do what is best for your daughter. Good luck!

Answer 16

what the h**l is a bff by the way the krispy kritter is right for sure.

Answer 17

You should let your daughter choose her own friends.  She may soon find out that she doesn't want to hang out with his girl because she brags, or is annoying.  Unless the girl may get her in trouble (running away like before with the police at your doorstep.)

Answer 18

You are reacting perfectly, but it's not your place. I'd just tell your daughter that it's not usual to have a boyfriend at age 9 and that its not good of her friend. And that your daughter can't have a boyfriend just yet. And just make sure she understands that it's not a good idea. If the parents ask you about the friend, tell the truth. Or, you can just tell the parents that they may want to talk to their daughter about her life just in case. Or you can talk to the friend and tell her you know that she has a boyfriend and you can talk to her like a trusted adult, and tell her you won't tell her parents as long as she's being safe about it (obviously she isn't) and then tell her it's okay to have guy friends, but 9 is a little young for boyfriends. And then if she gets all attitudey (is that word?) then you tell her parents, because at least you tried. Also, make sure your daughter knows not to do what her friend does, and tell her that sometimes people make wrong choices, and if it seems wrong, don't do it. My mom always tells me that if someone tries to get you to do something, and they say "No one will know" that that is the red flag going up. Don't do it. And that it's not true, 'cos you will know and that guilt is terrible. Might want to pass those words of wisdom to your daughter! :) Good luck!!!

Answer 19

I don't think thats youre problem...AT ALL!

Answer 20

It's not like he's YOUR daughter's BF. Just stay out of it. She's probably lying about the kissing so that people will think she's more "grown up". Don't worry about it.

Answer 21

i think you do need to inform her mom what her lil girl is up to! if something happend to her, u would feel awful cuz u knew what she was really doing!

thats just wat i think u should do!!

good luck