Help! My dog keeps casting spells on me! How can I make her cut it out?

Question

I have lots of evidence that she's a witch. For instance:

A, a month or so ago she was looking at me kind of funny, and then last week I stubbed my toe.

B, the other day she was lying on the floor taking a nap, and her tail started wagging a little, going thump-thump on the floor. On her face was this expression like she was dreaming about me stubbing my toe.

C, whenever I look over at her suddenly, or peek around the corner, I always find her acting completely innocent, like a perfect angel. How does she know when I'm getting ready to look at her?

D, when I talk to her, she just stands there wagging her tail, kind of like waving a magic wand at me, only from the other end.

E, she wakes me up every morning with her cold nose, and as soon as I get up, she lies down on the warm bed and goes to sleep.

How can I make this demon-dog change her evil ways?

Answer 1

you have to get used to it and try to basically invite in to bed and be nicer to your dog take it out on more longer walks and always pet it just become a better owner so it dosent try to kill you by making you walk into a dresser that falls on top of you and crushes your ribs.

Answer 2

get a cat... ie. provide the dog with a new target...

or if you cant beat them join 'em... get a full body dog transplant..

Answer 3

maybe shes a dog? trying to be something else.... oh i know A DOG... what the heck ive never heard so much nonsense in my life...

Answer 4

one thing will work...a rolled up newspaper XD

Answer 5

cut off it's tail and bury it in the backyard under a full moon, then rub chicken blood on your face while chanting.... your ears are next evil one...then call PETA so that they can help you.

Answer 6

Is this a dachshund? Using their strange and mysterious occult powers over humans yet again? They just love hypnotizing their humans and sending out powerful telempathic messages!

Look at her and say

" You dont fool me! I know that look means you've done something or want something! But I love you anyway!"

Answer 7

hmmmm, sounds like she has possessed you.  Just get used to it and invite her into your bed, but don't budge, make her share.

Answer 8

chop it's head off.

Answer 9

oh wow!  I have the same problem but with my hamster!  She uses her powers of Qute to force me to do her bidding.  Sometimes I wake up not knowing where I am with sunflower seed shells inbetween my toes.  Her evil powers are so strong I end up going into pet stores - JUST TO BUY TREATS - even though she's already got a different kind at home.  Late at night I can hear the whirrr of her wheel while she weaves her magic spell.  And don't even get me into how dangerous it is when she stretches and one of her tiny pink paws happens to be pointed in my direction.  I'm convinced she's pure evil in a fuzzy little track suit but no one else will believe me.

makes you wonder who 'domesticated' who, doesn't it?

Answer 10

OMG that same thing happened to me!

You cant do anything about the spells though..

Try casting one on her

Answer 11

Thats funny, you available for parties. I think my kids would enjoy seeing how the mentally disabled make a living.

Answer 12

Beggin' Strips & Milk Bones