Help?!?! My parents are getting in a divorce...?

Question

Before the divorce started my dad would be away at work for the week and be home on the weekends. During that time my mom turned into an alcoholic and would leave us at home during the week so she could go party. I would have to take care of my siblings constantly. It was getiting so bad that my sibs considered me their mom. Then one day we caught her at our house in bed with someone else. Amonth after that she filed for a divroce. She ended up having temp. custody of us and cotinued to go out. During this time she also got a DUI and lost her license. We all wanted to be with our dad, but were only able to see him on the weekends. When we were with out mom she would yell at us for tlaking to him on the phone and such. She started losing a ton of weight and me and my sis think that she is on drugs now. About two weeks ago the courts switched it to where my dad has temp. custody of us. But now my mom refuses to see us on the weekends...cause she doesn't want to see our dad....Anyways i was wondering if i have the right to be mad at her or if this is normal for women who are going through a divorce?? Oh btw during this time i had to be my sibs mom practically and i can't even drive yet......i couldn't cry when i wanted to instead i had to sit there and listen to my lil bro cry and i had to hold myself together and tlell him it would be ok.......also she lost her job during this time......

Answer 1

Of course you have a right to be upset with her! You need to understand that divorice is just something that happens to people. It is too bad that your mother decided to go down this path instead of making a better life for her and her kids, I am really sorry things have ended this way. You need to keep on the right track and stay with your good job, save money to get a nice car for you and take care of yourself. Do not let this drag you down and take you down the path your mom has chosen. Be that better person and that great example that your siblings really need right now. If your mom chooses to not see you, I know it hurts but its a good thing. You don't want to see your mom like this and you don't need to see her like this. Just live your life for YOU and be happy, that is what matters the most. Get your schooling done and focus on you right now - good luck and take care girl!!

Answer 2

That's a lot of responsibility for a child, I know cause I lived it!  You did the best you could... and you should be proud of yourself.  As far as Mom is concerned, don't hold it against her to much.  You'd be hurting yourself... making yourself more upset... the way she started acting was her way of dealing with being lonely, depressed and kinda asking for help.  

I was told that my entire life I had to raise my own mother, always be the adult in the relationship.  Now that I have a child of my own, living the same way you have/are... I know one thing for sure.  It has made me a better person, more importantly... A BETTER MOTHER.  I pride myself on thinking before speaking or reacting as to NOT mirror what I experienced, because children deserve to enjoy their childhood.  

Keep your chin up!  You sound like the kind of child I hope mine will turn out to be.  If you ever need to chat.... email me!

Hugs from Florida!

ML

Answer 3

Sounds similar to the c**p my parents were doing before they got divorced and I too am the eldest so I was left to deal with all of the slack. My dad was out of town and my mom was running around partying with 'friends' and my siblings and I were left to fend for ourselves.

Your mom (BTW I am a mom myself now and I would never do this to my kids) is behaving very poorly now  and you have every right to be concerned and angry with her. She is neglecting you and she doesn't have any right to.

You little brother is very lucky to have you help him deal with the situation, many older siblings wouldn't be as kind.

If your dad is taking good care of you and you are in a safe place. Just relax a bit and take time to deal with all of your emotions. If you still feel  like you need help, ask your dad to help you find some kind of counseling.  

Answer 4

yeah you have the right to be mad at her, my parents went through a divorce when I was 12 and it wasn't nice at all, but she has tried to deal with the problem the wrong way COMPLETELY!

I think it would be best to try and stay with your dad. You shouldn't have to go through all that /**** whilst shes leaving you to drink and take drugs, she's going down a slippery slope that can be hard to get back up.

Stay with your dad but try to see her on weekends, and try to tighten the bond and relationship that you have with her, if she doesn't want to see you guys at weekends then give it time, if you guys are important to her then she will want to see you, theres no excuse.

so my opinion is to try and stay with dad but stay with her, she is trying to turn a blind eye to whats happened by getting drunk, thats just not good enough, i'm sure your worth more than that.

hope that helps

Answer 5

Your parents problems have nothing to do with you. It looks like you were they only one who acted mature in all this mess. Would it not be more health to forgive her and that way your free to move on with your own life.

Forgiveness means you do this for you.

What a nice young lady you are

Answer 6

You have a perfectly good reason to be mad. Your mom isnt being a mother. No matter how hard life gets your kids come first. Before anything your kids are first. She sounds selfish. You dida great job. Caring for your siblings is a lot for a young person to take on. My father is kinda like your mom. He took off and doesnt want to speak to us again. Honestly i say good riddance. And maybe you should to. In the long run you will be better off with out her.

Answer 7

Well, I'm not sure what you believe in, but in the bible, God tells us to honor our mother and father. He never tells us to stop honoring them in certain situations either. I try to remember this whenever I want to be mad at my parents, but praying to God definitely helps me to honor them, and ultimately honor God.

Now, you are human and you're going to feel resentment because of what your mom has done, which pretty much puts you in a position to take responsibility over your siblings, but just keep loving her and don't stay mad at her for it.

I believe you have done a good job, and you should keep being there for your brothers and sisters. Personally, I'm proud of my oldest sis because she kinda had to do the same thing when my parents went through their divorce. My dad was away and my mom was wrapped up in what she wanted to do. My oldest sister took care of us a lot and if it wasn't for her, I don't know where I would be.

Eventually, I ended up moving away with my dad and my youngest sister stayed with my mom and my new step dad. My two older sisters were already married by this point.

It gets better. I promise. Even if you don't believe in God, he is always around and sees your pain, and He loves you. I will be praying for you.

I will tell you that God has brought me peace and comfort through my hard times because I have trusted in Him. You should give him a chance in your life. Just ask Jesus, the son of God who died for our sins, to come into your heart and you will feel and see a change in your life. God bless

Answer 8

You have the right to be very upset with two parents who have put you through things a person at your age shouldn't have to go through. I give you thumbs up for staying and doing your best. keep doing a good job and loving your siblings. You all will be grown up some day and they will love you very much for taking care of them.

Your Mother needs help. Your Dad needs to step up and be the parent he should be and take care of all of you all the time. You love both your parents but you need help, take what you can. No this is not normal for a women going through a divorce to drink and use drugs. You might need to ask your dad to help out more.