Help! Out of control 9 year old?

Question

I'm desparate! I have a 9 year old step daughter - My husband and I have had full custody since she was 4 ( her mom is a drug addict)

Anyway, since we've had her, she has always gotten in trouble, too long of a story- (for example, lying to her teachers that her dad beat her and got CPS called on us) She sees a psychiatrist, psychologist and taking Adderall for ADD.

Well, lately she back talks, and I just found in her trash that "She hates her parents badly." and other numerous notes stated "I love s*x" and has pictures drawn of couples having s*x.

We are good parents (@ least I think we are) we also have a 4 yr old boy and I have a 15 yr old daughter, we spend 90% of our time w/ our 9 yr old because she needs so much attention.

HELP PLS!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE

Answer 1

Do you punish her when she acts up, if not do so, or this will continue. Some punishment ideas. are to not ground her, or reward her if she something good while on punishment. But fulfill teh punishment. Sending her to her room where she is away from you is probably not the answer either. Make her sit in a chair, where she can see the TV and make her watch a program that she dont like. You found letters in her trash saying that she hates you, well then make her like you, and appriciate you. When she is on punishment, dont reward her. Give her the reward after the punishment is over, and make sure to tell her that this reward is for doing good, and let her know if she does good more often then the rewards will be better. Then faze out the rewards little by little.

Answer 2

Wow I'm sorry she is so out of control, that is rediculous.

You and your  husband need to make it clear to her that she is acting inappropriately.

The only thing I can think of is telling her if she doesn't stop acting like this you will take away her things and ground her.  If she continues to do it then go for it, take away  her TV,  computer, toys  anything she really likes and don't allow her to spend time with her friends until she stops acting that way.

I think there is something else wrong  though, not just her being a bratty 9yr old. Make sure her therapists are aware  of how bad the situation is and maybe have her visit them more frequently.

Good luck.

Answer 3

She seems too want to follow in her mothers footsteps.Do you and her Dad love her,I think you do but does she really know that,do you tell her.Does she know the track she is on and what type of life she is leading towards.Tell her you would like her to find a new direction .Deep down I think it is happening out of shame for her birth mom.She thinks her self from a bad seed and is therefor bad.So I'd go for the heart to heart and put that right out there.a big conversation where everyone breaks down and cry.I doesn't have to be like this and point out how Dad turned out.Paint a picture of where she is where she is going and where she could be and could be going.Do you think your father and I are spending 12 to 25 thousand dollars to send you to collage with these grades with these behaviors.You want to be a hair dresser or a street musician you can pay for your own education.I think if you really rip into her you can get through.Once you break her down if you can ,then flood her with love,all that you he,brother and sister can muster.Fix her favorite meal keep on her every day.how are you ,you look nice(when not dressed S****y),Kiss her but left right and sideways when she is stepping in the right direction.Honestly I don't know if this will work but kinda worked on me.good luck.

Answer 4

It sounds like she needs a spanking.

Answer 5

Thank you for getting her help and hanging in there with her.  I can only suggest locating a reputable agency that has experience with attachment issues.  You report some behaviors that are consistent with attachment disorder and  only a highly skilled therapist can address this effectively.  Be proud of yourselves, your doing a child a wonderful thing.

Answer 6

see dr. phil.

i'm not joking.

Answer 7

i would hit up super nanny