Help.Please correct my introducation of essay .Thanks a lot .?

Question

It is undeniable that girls do better than boys academically at school. However, this does not happen in their career. By contraries almost every woman is overwhelmed by men at different kinds of works .For example ,there are much more male powerful politicians than female and few International Corporation has female CEO. This issue has been happening for decades and feminists have never stopped trying to change this social phenomenon. In this essay ,I shall first demonstrate the evidential statistics which show girls do better than boys and the reason why this happens .Then, I will explain why women do not maintain their educational advantage to career and what gender inequalities in the career patterns of women are.

Answer 1

It is undeniable that girls typically outshine boys academically at school. This, however, rarely happens during their careers. Women, in fact, find themselves overwhelmed by men in the workplace.  For example, there are much more powerful male politicians than female ones and very few International Corporations have a female CEO. This phenomenon has been on the forefront on women's issues for decades and feminists have never stopped trying to change this social inequality. In this essay, I shall first reveal the evidential statistics demonstrating that girls do academically better than boys and explain the reasoning behind this. Then, I will explain why women do not maintain their educational advantage to their careers and some of the patterns of gender inequalities women face in the workplace.

Hope that helps.

Answer 2

I think it is a great introduction. I got it right away. I would like you to stick to your disparities and comparisons when elaborating.

Answer 3

Okay,

thats cheating!!!!

Answer 4

It is undeniable that girls do better than boys academically at school. By contrast however, this does not happen in their careers- almost all women are overtaken by men in most fields of work.

For example, there are many more powerful male politicians than female and, few international corporations have a female CEO. This issue has been happening for decades and feminists have never stopped trying to change this social phenomenon.  In this essay, I shall first demonstrate the evidential statistics which prove that girls do better than boys in the early years of their lives and I shall comment on the reasons for this.

Then, I will explain why women do not use their educational advantage in order to continue excelling in the world of work.

This is due to gender inequalities which I will discuss further.

This makes more sense!!  Hope it helps :o)