Question:

Help? Scared/confused.?

by Guest63366  |  earlier

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My boyfriend and I have gotten very close over our period of dating, and has told me that in his one other serious relationship, it lasted 6 years and they were engaged. They broke up over a year ago due to her infidelity, and he still brings her up occasionally.

For instance, for the past week now, he has been sick, and claims because of lack of money and me helping him out financially a bit that he's stressed as well. Now the first couple of days, he would be sad to see me go back home (i still live with the parents). Mind you, we haven't spent a day apart since i've known him, and 2 days ago, I told him that I wasn't spending enough time with my mom, who missed me very much. So I decided to stay at my house for three days. I was really sad about leaving him there sick. The day I dropped him off at work for the last time before I was to stay at my house, I choked back tears to say goodbye. He didn't seem phased by it. I asked him if he would be willing to have me bring him over one night for dinner, and he said yes. 2 days roll by, and still no sign of missing me, other than forcing him to talk to me. He kept putting off wanting to come over, claiming he gets "hostility" from my mom, which I don't understand at all. Then when I asked him why he doesn't miss me so much or act upset, he claimed he was sad I was gone, but didn't show emotion, which I could blame on his ex. This was a blatant lie, because I saw him show emotion when I left him EVERY other time! Even when he was sick the first few days.

I called him out on it, and said to stop blaming things on a girlfriend that is no longer a part of his life. Then he responds with "I was with her for 6 years, she tore me up. If you're not willing to work through this with me, then maybe I'm too broken for you". Granted that scared the living **** out of me, because I was not about to lose him. I just gave up and apologized all over the place. I mean, yeah I have never dated anyone for 6 years, but still why would you use your ex as an excuse for your own behavior? I'm different. Why can't he see that? This is the same guy that told me he would never give up on me, would put up a fight if he thought he were going to lose me, and wanted to marry me. Now he's giving up and telling me that he would understand if I didn't want to "put up with him" anymore. If he's my BOYFRIEND, who I'm depressed about not spending time with....do you think i'm "putting up with him?" I didn't think so. Why would he be willing to give up so easily? It just makes me so angry and scared. This guy I was sure was the one until he just wants to all of a sudden give up on being with me. What do I do? I can't tell him anymore because he says I worry too much about everything, so i won't be able to talk things out with him. I'm scared and confused. Please help.

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6 ANSWERS


  1. He's manipulating you!!!

    What happened:

    He does bad behavior --> you confront him --> he gets mad at you --> you're the bad guy --> you apologize & beg forgiveness

    What should happen:

    He shows bad behavior --> you confront him --> he apologizes & tells you he does miss you

    He's turning it around so YOUR the bad guy, even though he is.


  2. Believe me, most guys are more sensitive than we think.  Sit him down and tell him flat out that you love him, you want to be with him, you will work with him through anything and that you do understand that he was hurt. Tell him it works both ways though.  No more guessing.  Tell him to be open and honest with you...

  3. It sounds like to me its just a jealousy issue. Guys arent so up front with their feelings . If he didnt want you to be together he would just tell you to get lost. Maybe you are worrying to much and looking to far into the situation. He isnt just telling you that he is "messed up" because of it. He probably gets tired of hearing you bring her up.  Dont worry so much. Back off of him.

  4. it can be one of to thing either he wants an excuse for his behaviour and its easy to use her or he is fully not over the break up  

  5. It may be small comfort to you but it is important to remember that the longest lasting marriages involve partners who've gone together more than two years and have not lived together.  Speed and good choices in partners do not go together in the same sentence.  It's much better to go through all this before the commitment deepens.

      Why does he do this?  He has a fragile ego and is scared and there is nothing you can do to fix that.  

  6. I agree with Paula D.

    1. He's hasn't healed from that breakup

    2. whenever a person is healed they move on from the same excuse.

    3.Be careful not to exhaust yourself proving your love or you could wind up feeling like he does. (I Know)

    4.He needs to understand that she cannot continue to hinder his present relationship.

    5.You NEED to understand you are up against a mindset that only he can change.-You Can't Change It!!

    6.Be careful again not to be in a relationship where you have to be a psychiatrist FULL TIME!

    Hope It Goes Well!!

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