Help! Stressed mother of a 2 year old and a newborn!!!

Question

So, I just had my second daughter 3 weeks ago and I feel as though my relationship with my first born (just turned 2) has just changed immensely. She favors her daddy over me and I just feel like I'm on her all day. The time we spend together is stressful because I'm having to discipline her constantly. I really miss her and the relationship we had. Is she acting out because of the new baby or just being 2? What do I do to make sure that we are enjoying one another like we did before my second was born?

Answer 1

Well when my son was 2 he was CRAZY.  And he is a only child.  His actions made me sick of even speaking because I was correcting him so much.  So maybe its just because she is 2.  Then again.. it could be because she feels left out, or not the baby any more.  You could try to let daddy handle the baby for a little and take your daughter someone even if its just to a park for 15 minutes every so often to make her feel special.  Try big girl arts and crafts with her and let her know she can do it cause she is a big girl.  Hope I helped some what.  Good luck!!

Answer 2

oh my god, I have the same problem! My daughter is also 2, and I had a son 6 weeks ago.  Ever since, she has been a nightmare!  She loves her brother, but every waking  second is a challenge when it comes to listening to me or her father, she very definately misbehaves on purpose. i'll tell her not to do something and she'll look at me and do it! I think a lot of the problem is because now that the baby is here, there is more cleaning for me to get done, plus time w/the baby (feedings etc.) I think maybe they just need "special time" to play with us.  I myself am going to make more of an effort to play with her and put aside my cleaning till a little later. Maybe that will help. Also, maybe when her dad gets home, you could take her to the playground, or for ice cream just you and her. I try to stress family time w/my kids and hubby, but maybe your daughter and mine need alone time with just us, no baby, no hubby.  Maybe that will help you and her re connect.  I'm gonna try too!  Good luck, and your not alone! One more thing, it could be jealousy or the terrible twos or both, but the way i think about it is at least you  are getting it over with at the same time instead of having to go through the terrible twos, and then two years from now go through it again with jealousy!

Answer 3

she's probably jealous because i'm sure your giving the newborn a lot of attention (which is obviously necessary) your daughter still loves you but no relationship is ever perfect. I wouldn't worry, you're baby girl hasn't ran off or decided to abandon you or anything yet (i'm assuming)

Answer 4

Im having this same problem.  I have a 5 year old, a two year old, and a 1 year old, I am also 8 months pregnant.  Me and me 2 year old are going through the same things, but I definitely think its just the age.  I try to spend quality time with each of them, so maybe try to find a sitter for two at a time, and use that time to bond with just that one child.  Good luck getting through the "terrible twos", and dont feel bad about her favoring daddy, thats helping you out and thats pretty normal for girls.

Answer 5

Throwing a second child into the mix changes the dynamics of a family.  You don't want your first daughter to feel like you don't love her anymore, but you are trying to heal from delivery and you're taking care of the new baby's needs, too.  From the little you wrote it's probably a mixture of both the new baby and being 2.  Some of the ideas our pediatrician gave us was to make your 1st feel like there are things she can offer that the baby can't.  Like her hugs.  Say to her "You give me great hugs.  The new baby can't do that."  Or "I love to play dolls with you.  The new baby can't do that".  Whatever you can think of.  Tell her she's a great helper and the baby just can't help you the way she can.  You're not going to hurt the baby's feelings and you're going to make your first born feel needed and special.  Make sure that you have some mommy time with just her.  Leave the baby and daddy in the living room and go outside and draw chalk on the cement or read books with her and have the baby out of the room.  I really hope you can get it worked out.  It's going to take a little time, but eventually everyone will figure out their place in the family.  Good Luck

Answer 6

well i think its a little of both.. you could tell your husband to keep the newborn for awhile or ask you parents or somebody you trust, and do something special with your 2 year old, or do something you know she likes or something that was significant between the two of you

Answer 7

I had this problem too after my son was born. Try setting aside a special time for just you and her to spend time together. Make it for when the newborn is napping or just before its time for your 2 year old to go to bed. What I usually find easiest is to play a calm game, read, or share a television show with my daughter before she goes to bed (the baby is already asleep during that time). I know it's kind of tricky with a newborn because of their crazy sleep scheduals, but once you establish a pattern it will get easier. Your 2 year old is probably just needing to adjust to the fact that there is a new baby in the house that takes alot of mommy's time. My daughter did the same thing, she would not talk to me or give me hugs and kisses for a few weeks after our son was born. I just gave her her space until she was ready on her own to accept it. I tried to involve her in helping me do little things with the baby also. She loved being able to help take care of the baby (just like have her hand me a new diaper when i was changing him, or have her throw the old one away, simple things). Your 2 year old will adjust and things will get easier. congrats on the new baby and best wishes to your family!