Help.....What do i do?

Question

my parents got divorced when i was 4. my mum remarried when i was 7. i am now 14. the man that she married is a complete b*****d. hes violent and hits his kids (my half bro an sis) and my mum when he gets angry or something goes wrong.in the 7 years they have been together my mum and him have separated more times than i can remember. social services r involved aswel. he is a nasty piece of work who broke my mums jaw, cheated, and beat up my brother so bad when he was a baby that he had to say in hospital for weeks. my brother is now 6 an he still gets beatings.

my mum is not a complete angel either tho, she has cheated on him aswel, which may have drove him to hit her, but this does not justify what hes doing.

my mum called the police when things got outta hand, but she dropped all the charges and let him back into our home and lives.

my question is why would she do that, when he beats her and her kids? why does she let him get away with it everytime and what do i do to stop it?

it makes me angry thinking about it, i cant ask my mum because we dont really talk.

Answer 1

You would really I have to wonder about this most of the time women blame themselves and they have this notion that its either they love them and make them happy or they deserve what they get I would say there are alot of brainwashed scared women out there and having no money and a place to go and going to a womens battered shelter would help them but its a very big step

Answer 2

I went through a simular experience (and still am), your right when you say hes wrong cause he is, there is no excuse for abuse no matter what the situation.

Your mum keeps going back to him cause shes probably confused. Have you heard about when a bird is kept in a cage too long that when they get there freedom they arent used to it and dont know what to do?? Well thats your mum, shes probably so used to being treated bad that shes not used to anything else, therefore she continues going back to him. Also there is the expression 'love is blind' so she may still love him so therefore doesnt want to leave even though he is horrible.

I suggest trying to get help from as many people you can; there is counsiling, help lines, school and so on. If you get everyone involved perhaps they can convince your mother that she shouldnt allow the violence to happen. Also they can help get you and your siblings out of the situation so you dont have to suffer anymore.

I wish you luck and hopefully your mum does relise that she shouldnt have to take the abuse.

Answer 3

I think your mum has some serious issues around her belief in herself, her confidence, and she feels she needs this man ... or perhaps she came from a similar background herself and so - however bad it is - feels 'comfortable' with a situation that she knows and understands ... something called 'familiarity' .... but there is a saying that 'familiarity breeds contempt ...' that means in the long term the truth will be seen and will work against that which is familiar..... however this doesn't help your situation .....

You as a child really can't actually stop the situation except to try to get your mum to see it for what it really is - abusive - and accept her responsibilities and loyalties, although divided between you kids and him, lie more with you as her children.....

However you say social services are involved .... If the situation doesn't change, or you mum refuses to change it .... you do know you have rights as a child - and can ask social services to remove you and because of your concerns for your siblings your brother and sister, from this situation .... depending on what they have they should at least try to find a foster family for you all, at least until this situation is controlled and sorted out .... perhaps this might make your mother see him for what he really is and what he's doing to you kids ..... you have shown here you are a very mature individual for your age ... you deep down recognise you have a responsibility for yourself .... so you must, for the sake of yourself and your siblings, take definite action now .... before someone gets seriously hurt - or in the worst scenario, killed ....

Answer 4

Have you ever heard of the Cycle of Abuse?  It helps explain why women stay with abusive husbands a lot of the time.

http://incestabuse.about.com/od/domestic...

http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of...

Basically, tension builds for a while, and minor incidents happen, and she tries to overlook or avoid them.  Then eventually things blow up and he gets really violent, to the point where she'll actually go to the authorities or end up in the hospital.  As soon as she does, he will instantly apologize, make excuses, make her think it's her fault, and convince her that it won't happen again.  She may believe he really made a turnaround, or she may just be too scared to make such a drastic decision as leaving him when he's being so apologetic.

You completely have the right to be angry, but you have to realize that you can't make it stop by yourself.  A jerk like him is going to keep doing that horrible stuff unless he gets extensive professional help.  Your best bet is to try to get professional social services to intervene as much as possible.  Maybe calling an abuse hotline will help give you some ideas of how to protect yourself:

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

or check out http://www.1800runaway.org/youth_teens/y...