Help! What do we owe our children as far as college?

Question

I have a 21 year old son. He could of lived at home for free room and board and gone to college here (I live near Notre Dame so there are alot of colleges around me)

But he chose to go far and then he chose to live in a very nice apt. complex with a pool etc.

He came home for the summer (rent and food free) and worked to save. But he has only been gone two weeks and he all ready needed me to fix his brakes and pay a doctor bill. He wants us to put him on our cell phone plan and pay his books.

we still have 2 at home and money is tight. I am torn though... he is a good boy working hard to better himeself. Iknow its hard to live on CVS wages and go to school full time and pay rent and food etc.

What do I do?

Answer 1

I'm sure there are better job positions other than at CVS, (from the perspective of a college student) you can contact the school if necessary- you can sell notes, work at the library (lots of free time to study) etc.

and i think you should help your son, but be sure to set down definite limits on what you can and will do.

that way, he will learn to not only budget but also to get rid of that dependence on you.

i hope this helps :)

-muse

Answer 2

Try working things out with him.  Maybe keeping him off the cell phone plan, sending him a little money when he needs to buy books or whatever supplies.  Don't just give him free handouts.  He has to learn to manage his money and live on his own....He's 21 years old now, not 16.

Answer 3

You should do what is within your budget.

But breaks and car repairs are important. You should pay for that.  But food and expensive apts are out of the question,

You can also get a parent student loan as well.

But he can go without the nice apt.  I shared a room in college and always got the cheapest place to live and he should be doing the same.  Also force him not to major in any stupid majoer like communications, dance, music, english literature and any of the humanities or he will be moving back hom.

And dont put him on your cell phone plan either. He will run up the bill. He can rent out part of his apt to another student and work on campus.

As far as going to a far away college.... its probably a good thing.  Men need to grow up and they cant do that close to home.

Men grow up the fastest and become realistic away from home when no one is supporting them.  Thats how men work and no, they dont need a babysitter.  The avg guy is more than capable of handling himself, esp if there is a father figure.

If you treat your boy like a kid then he will act liek a kid,  If you treat him like a man he will act like a man.

On the spin side of this our asian counterparts pay for everything that is necessary for their children to go to college.  They par for cars, food etc.  They see it as insuring their future too.  SO when they get old their kids support them.  The american version can be ridiculous at times as in cutting your kid off of all resources and throwing him out there.  It may mess up his studies but there is something to be said for independence and smething to be said for having nothing to do but study and getting good grades.  He can also qualify for grants with a gpa above 3.0.  

End of story.

Answer 4

You don't 'owe' him anything.

He's twenty one. He is by far an adult and if he has a job and otherwise pays his own way at college, then he is essentially independent, and it is his problem if he hasn't budgeted in this sort of thing.

Instead of giving him money, suggest to him that he comes up with a better budget that includes his books and cell phone and factors unexpected bills like doctors, even if it means he has to find somewhere cheaper to live, and help him work it out. It'll be far more practical help than just bailing him out with his bills whenever he asks for it.

He's a student, he shouldn't be able to afford to live in a nice apartment complex with a pool, and he shouldn't need to. Offer to help him find somewhere cheaper to live perhaps (like a shared house) because you can guarantee that's what's eating away most of his money-if he downgraded to somewhere cheaper he would be able to afford the things he claims he's unable to.