Help! What is everyones honest opinion on adoption?

Question

I'm 26, not infertile, but i have always wanted to have children thru adoption/foster parenting. Is it unnatural that I can feel maternal towards a child I haven't given birth to? This is honestly how I feel, yet people tell me it's not right. I would only foster children, or adopt if they were orphaned. I would love to know what most people think, especially adoptees, birth/adoptive parents, etc. Many thanks!

Answer 1

I don't think it is wrong. My family consisted of my parents, and my twin sister and my older brother. Then we adopted a sibling group of five kids. Their mom was a drug addict. Their were three different dads with all five kids. The oldest was at the time ten. Which was last year. We just got word that their mom died from an overdosage of drugs. And we never could get a hold of any of the dads. We were very grateful that the kids could have a home.

Answer 2

I'm not keen on adoption anymore.  While I get that adoption happens because of the short term solution to dysfunction of social policies, I really don't like the consequences that stem from adoption.

Things I don't like about adoption:

1. The idea of gratefulness.  Birthparents are to be grateful that some other people took their children and are raising them.  Adoptive parents are to be grateful to the birthparents for giving them this awesome child.  And worst of all adoptees are to feel grateful because they weren't aborted by their birthparents and were saved by their adopted parents.  If anyone doesn't show that gratefulness, they are essentially chastised for being insensitive idiots.  Gratefulness has no place in adoption.

you know what, I'm going to stop there.  There are other things that really bother me about adoption too, it's just too involved to say efficiently.  I was reading a birthmother blog and she wrote it more efficiently.

"It was suggested that I tell my son the truth. Tell him that there are people in this world who do horrible things to vulnerable young woman. Horrible people who think rich people deserve babies and poor people dont. People who punish young mothers for doing nothing wrong than loving the father of their eventual child."

http://writingmywrongs.typepad.com/writi...

and this was written by an adoptive mom...

"Focusing on the why brings the dialog to the losses: "Actually, my children shouldn't be expected to be grateful for having lost their families, heritage, and homeland - especially since that could have been prevented in the first place. And I am as guilty as the next person for having done nothing." It's not a perfect response, but it opens up the door to deeper conversation, and may get someone thinking outside of the mainstream box. At a minimum, it sends the message that the concept of gratitude for adoption is plain wrong. And because I'm sure that someone is thinking it - heck, I'm thinking it - there is hypocrisy in this approach. To that, I can only say, yes, but it shouldn't stop me and other a-parents from speaking out."

http://thirdmom.blogspot.com/2007/05/gra...

Answer 3

i hate them im pro life i hate it its worste then weed

Answer 4

I THINK YOUR ARE A REAL MOTHER, IF YOU WANT TO ADOPTION A BABY OR JUST A CHILD GO FOR IT. I WAS ADOPTIONED 40 YEARS AGO. WE NEED PEOPLE THAT REALLY LOVE TO BE PARNETS,SINGLE OR MARRIED. BLACK OR WHITE. EVERY CHILD NEEDS SOMEBODY. GO FOR IT. DON'T LET PEOPLE TELL YOU YOU CAN NOT DO THIS. YOU GO FOR IT., IT'S YOUR BUSSNESS.

ITS NOT UNNATUAL,ITS THAT YOU LOVE CHILD. IF MY MOTHER DID NOT COME AND GET ME I WOULD HAVE BE IN FOSTER CARE FOR A LONG TIME. LIKE ME MOTHER TOLD ME FROM THE BEGAIN THAT I WAS VERY SPECIAL,SHE TOLD ME SHE CAME IN TO A BIG ROOM AND SAW A PRETTY LITTLE GIRL THAT SMILED AT HER AND SHE KNOWED IT WAS RIGHT FOR ME TO GO HOME WITH HER. I'M SO GLAD SHE DID. I WOULD HAVE NOT CHANGED NOTHING. YOU DO WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU.IF YOU FIND A CHILD YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADOPT GO FOR IT. OR JUST TRY FOSTER A CHILD FIRST.JUST DON'T GIVE UP. I WISH THEIR WERE MORE PEOPLE LIKE YOU OUT THEIR..THEIR ARE ALL KIND OF FIDS THAT NEED HOMES. FROM BIRTH-INTILL 17. BECAUSE BY THEY ARE 18 THEY FEEL LIKE NOBODY LOVES THEM. WE AS PEOPLE NEED TO CHANGE THIS.

Answer 5

I think it's wonderful that you feel that way. You're supposed to feel like a mother to a child you're adopting or fostering. Just be aware with the foster care situation that a child may not be with you forever and it's impossible not to get at least a little attached.

Answer 6

I'm a mom of 2 boys....mine...and a step mom of 1 boy...IMO...most people that are adopting are looking for newborns..you see in the personal section of any local paper "loving couple looking to adopt your healthy white newborn"...What about the babies abandoned at birth with down syndrome (or any other of the mental/physical disabilities)  and are now 5 year old children (or 17 year old adolescents) that have never lived outside a facility?   There are literally hundreds of children (not just babies) abandoned or given up on...kids who lived in abusive or unhealthy environments..who are now living in foster homes with "parents" that are looking for an "easy" income.  These children deserve loving parents and homes and pets and comfort.  These children are in a greater need than the newborns.  I'm not saying it's bad to adopt a newborn...it's just easier to place them...the parents here have a waiting list...but once that baby is old enough to walk...people have a tendency to forget about them..they are looking to much into wanting people to think they gave birth to that child. They want that baby to call them mom and dad.  Instead...go for the older child that has been waiting in line like he or she was in a line up.  Being chose last because he or she was too big or too skinny or had too many freckles or looked to Asian or too black or not enough like the adoptive parents..  Children need parents too....preteens need parents too...teenagers need parents too.  And in my opinion...they need it more....they've been waiting longer.

Answer 7

Adoption is a great thing.  It is a wonderful way for children to be given a loving home when their biological parents are unable to provide for them for whatever reason.  I think in the right circumstances adoption is a beautiful thing.  No it is not unnatural to feel maternal towards a child that is not biologically yours.  As the old saying goes adopted children grow in their mothers hearts not in their tummy!

Answer 8

My uncle was adopted with four older siblings. I never realized he was adopted until my parents sat me down and explained it to me.  I think adoption is great and maybe you won't have any maternal feelings (not that I would know anything about that), but if you decide to have your own children, he or she should feel apart of the family if it is encouraged.

Answer 9

I think that is a wonderful idea. There are so many children who are waiting for some who like you who has so much love in there heart.

Answer 10

As an adoptive parent, I can assure you that you can have every bit as much love for an adopted child as you would for a biological child!  I remember that day almost eleven years ago when a Chinese orphanage nanny put my eight-month-old daughter into my arms for the first time....she INSTANTLY became my very own, and I loved her with every ounce of my being.   If you could only love a child to whom you've given birth, then how come Dads love their children so much?  If you want to build your family through fostering or adoption, don't let anyone else talk you out of it!!

Answer 11

I am adopted and I can tell you I am all for it. I am even considering it for myself. I was adopted at birth and never knew my biological family but the one I have now is the greatest. I cant imagine having another family. As far as I see it my birthmom saved my life by giving me to a wonderful family instead of having an abortion. I dont even feel adopted there are no akward feelings or anything...I feel like they are my biological family...besides what does being blood related mean anyway...its how you are taken care of and all. Go for it, you are saving a life.

Answer 12

My mother was adopted, and I'll shout it from the rooftops if I must, for she had been given the gift to grow up in a calm, stable home away from her birth mother (who was a teenage mother who turned out to be abusive and neglectful to my DNA aunts and uncle).  My grandparents, God rest their souls, were the best grandparents in the world; they taught my mother (and, later, me) about God's love through indirect means.  You have every right and reason to feel maternal love for a foster child; in fact, it's sometimes a greater love because this child isn't your DNA child and you still love him/her anyway.  It is very natural for you to feel this love, and it is certainly a higher calling for you.  Get your Angelina Jolie on and adopt 20, 25, 300 children:).

Answer 13

Adoption is a truly beautiful thing.  Those children are truly blessed and wanted.  I think adopted children are loved more than natural children. Ignore people!  It's not there life, it's yours.  If you want biological children, well okay.  If not, that's ok to. Many mothers never bond with their biological children.  It's about love and family.  If you want to give a home to child in need, go for it.  I think adooption should always be open and honest--tell them right away.  That they were so loved by their own mommies and daddies, that they got extra special mommies and daddies!

Answer 14

I think it is wonderful that you feel that way!!! I don't think you should only feel maternal if you have a baby. I think it is a gift from god and no matter how you choose to have a baby it is a blessing!!! You should do whatever you feel comfortable with and you are no less a mother just because you did not give birth...

Answer 15

I think it's perfectly normal to adopt. I also want to adopt at some  point in my life or at least be a foster parent. My mom is a social worker so I have seen many children go up for adoption and most of the time it is single people or people who already have children of their own who adopt so I personal think it is a great idea. I myself have wanted to adopt some of the foster children my mom and grandma have had but it was not the right time for me and now I have one of my own on the way so that will have to be held off even later for me. good luck to you!

Answer 16

There are a lot of children out there that need good homes, and it sounds like you are willing to provide that.  I think it's great that you are considering this.  Best of luck.

Answer 17

I think its very good of you to do this. There are so many children who need a good home and not enough people to take them on.

People shouldnt tell you its not right. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and I wish there were more people like you.

Good luck!

Answer 18

yes if you want to adopt you go for it your only 26 plenty of time for your own yet... i think its wonderful that you want to take a child out of a foster home...

your a good women :) fgood luck and god bless x

Answer 19

i was adotped after having empntional sexual and phyincan and mental bause torge me i was adopted but my grandparents wh o still do the same things to me if i could i would have chosise foster care or a better family i love this one but it all depends on who you are adopted by get me?

Answer 20

No matter if you give birth to them or adopt them or do a mix of both, your children will be just that, YOURS!!! Anyone who tells you that it is unnatural to have a desire to adopt does not understand adoption.

Answer 21

NO! I am like that too. In fact, I was a teenager when I decided to adopt. The main reason was that I visited India at that time and saw the poor state the kids were in. This is perfectly normal. People who tell you "it's not right" are "not right" in their heads.

BTW, that dream is (finally) coming true. We are almost ready to send out the file to India. She (yes, a daughter) will be the first child in my generation on both sides and the grandparents-to-be are also extremely excited. So you see, wanting to adopt "willingly" is far from abnormal.

Answer 22

to be completely honest i think its okay. there is nothing wrong with that. i was adopted i turned out fine, and some the greatest football player were. if your in to sports

Answer 23

what is not right about your feelings? tell those people to mind their own business.

i am an adoptee, and i thank my birthmother for what she did and i thank my parents for what they did. if you have room in your home and your heart for a child, yours or not then go for it.

alot of people just dont understand, and thats ok, they think we are damaged goods, not true. we were just born to a bad situation and were given a second chance to have something more.

if adoption feels right for you then you should do it. it takes more than just blood lines to make a family, it takes understanding and love and it sounds like you have plenty of both to make a wonderful family

good luck, i hope your decision brings you a lifetime of happiness

Answer 24

I think it would be GREAT for you to foster orphaned children.  There is such a great need for more foster parents in the area I live.  I know a couple of families that foster children and it has been the joy of their lives!  They ARE a family in every way possible.(besides biological of course)

It's a wonderful thing to see, and I'm glad there are ppl out there that do it!

And to answer your question, no it's not unnatural that you could feel maternal towards a child you haven't given birth to.  A lot of women have maternal instincts way before they have their own children!

Best wishes!!............and KUDOS to you for considering helping children that need helped!

Answer 25

I think go ahead i'm adopted and that is okay you might have some rough times but who doesn't

Answer 26

No, what you've asked is not unnatural! It's wonderful. I have 5 beautiful children and two are biological twins, plus three were adopted. I love them to pieces, and regardless if they were adopted or not, they're still my children. The people who are telling you that this isn't right aren't right! Haha. That's silly. Their are so many children out their who need love that certain people can provide. Why only adopt if they were orphaned? Two of my adopted kiddies were orphaned, but one was not. Either way, you're doing good. Best of luck, and don't let anyone put you down.

Answer 27

For me it took a little longer, I didn't love them the moment they walked through the door...but now...you mess with my baby you mess with me!  I think sometimes I need to love him a little more than I would my bio children...but that is only because of what he has been through and is still going through.

Answer 28

adopting is a great thing and alot of times u can connect better than if the child was urs by birth.

Answer 29

Bless you!  There are so many children out there that need someone to love them.  Of course you can feel maternal towards a child not your own.  I know more than one family that adopted.  One because they were unable to have their own and the other because they had room in their lives to love two more.  Why should you worry about what other people feel?  The only people who should concern you is yourself, your husband and your God.

Answer 30

your feelings about adopting or taking care of foster kids is commendable.

I wish more people thought like you and take responsibility for caring for our homeless babies.

I pray for a future where all children feel wanted & needed.

Answer 31

my sister is adopted and i love her as much as i love my biological brother or sister. adoption is a wonderful thing and i plan on adopting too!  if you want to adopt then that is WONDERFUL! i could not imagine what my life would be like without my sister