Help for a confused FTM?

Question

I've identified as an ftm for a long time,but i dont wish to have surgery or undergo hormone treatments or change my name, etc. I dont think im strong enough to handle that. Its takes a very strong person to go through with that completely. I do want to however be able to express my masculinity through hair and dress(like my avatar if you can see it), but this is beginning to disturb my fiance. I havent cut my hair or changed anything yet....but shes very against anything "boyish". Should i let her decide or should i be able to express myself and her be okay with it? How would i make her more comfortable? and anything else anyone could tell me would be wonderful. I know its a complicated situation, but anyone with advice, please answer. Thank you.

Answer 1

You can STRAP horns ON a cow, but she'll never be a BULL!

XD

There is NO substitute for the real thing!

Answer 2

You have to be you, whatever that is.

I was never a strong person either, but I manged to transition because it was the only thing that was going to bring me inner peace.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Answer 3

dont surpress your true feelings, do whatever you want to make yourself feel more comfortable in your skin, you fiance will just have to deal, besides if its true love she should love you no matter what.

Answer 4

are there any short hair styles that aren't too boyish that you also like? sounds like the only solution is compromise, so work at that with her and i'm sure you guys can come up with something...

have you told her this?? that might help.

there are plenty of ways to dress, decide which is more important--her being attracted to you or your self expression...or is there a middle ground?

Answer 5

As much as you may love your fiance', allowing her to dictate how you choose to express yourself through your appearance is a compromise that has more to do with allowing her to control you.  If she's against anything Boyish, and you identify as a boy, then I sense trouble ahead.  Many TS people suffer the loss of someone they love when they begin to express their true selves in their lives.  While some of that has to do with the discomfort their partner feels in regards to what it might say about their own identity and/or orientation, the big question is whether you're willing to settle for someone who can't let you be yourself or love you for yourself as you truly are.  It may hurt and be hard - and you're absolutely right that transition is a rough and lonely road.  Whatever your decision, I wish you love and success in your life.