Help for depression, suicide thoughts?

Question

I am currently in a long and overly stressful (stupid) divorce. I am a 32 year old father of 2 children. 1 tween girl and 1 5 year old boy with learning and speech problems. My soon ex wife has decided that the kids are too much trouble for her and lets them run wild when she has them on the weekends. she also likes to use the lawyer to inflict as much pain and frustration as possible. I try to be a parent but it is an up hill battle after they get back for the weekends. They trash the house and dont want to help take care of things.

I work ALOT and have the kids 80 percent of the time. I dont have daycare or babysitter. I work when I dont have them and if I need to, I take them to my office with me.

I lost about 65000 dollars so far on her (wiping out savings /lawyers and everything. then she ran up 40000 in credit cards. I ended up having to file chapter 13 bankruptcy. I suffer from fibromyalga and do everything I can to get through a day and take care of my kids, job, housework, pay bills. I ended up loosing my car to the bank and driving now a old KIA. I loved my car too.

I feel like I have lost everything. I am alone. I feel like I cant win against the world. Everyday I am in pain. I cannot tell anyone because I am afraid that it will cost me my kids or my job. I dont know what to do or where to go. I am broke, stressed out and lost.

please give me some advice so I can continue to be a parent and stop feeling this bad.

Answer 1

well if you have had to file bankruptcy, things have gotten very bad. Find a good lawyer willing to go pro bono, this is a case that could potentially catch the public's eye. Disabled dad (fibromyalga is not new) spending thousands, loosing more from a .... what is the mom addicted to that she is spending so much??? You can not loose your kids or job because you are in pain, just like you can not loose these things due to illnesses.... Work on finding prior cases where willing dads who had disabilities still got custody, etc, good lawyers should know what to do (i am not a lawyer, just guessing). Maybe you can turn things around, and get the ex who is spending so much money, and she will have to spend it on the kids instead....

If your ex does not keep control of the kids when she has them, call CPS.... sorry, really only thing you can do to keep you kids safe.

okay... i'm gonna be blunt, yes your kids are going through a VERY difficult time, but the tween....do not allow her to run the house, the little one will look to her to find what is acceptable. Turn the tween you turn the house. Be as honest with the tween as possible (never EVER EVER speak ill of the other parent, but that doesn't mean that you have to have the same rules, you have stricter rules because you know how smart your tween is, what she could become, etc, etc.) The littler one, you have to understand there will be a period between each separation that the little one will have to adjust. Doesn't mean to let things go, in fact, the opposite, you have to be firm but fair in all aspects of the house hold. Listen to all sides, and judge fairly.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT!!!! Explain each dissision with the child in a calm manner, if you respect them, they will be more willing to respect you (respect is different than placating)  

Answer 2

HANG IN THERE, NO STORM LASTS FOREVER. PLEASE TRY TO FOCUS YOUR ENERGY ON THE NOW. YOU WILL HAVE TO WORK

VERY HARD TO FIND THE JOYS IN YOUR LIFE AND THAT MAY MEANS GETTING OUT IN NATURE AND PLAYING LIKE A KID. GO CAMPING, ROAST MARSH MELLOWS AND ENJOY PLAY TIME WITH YOUR KIDS. IAM SURE THEY ARE HURTING TOO. LOOK FOR SUPPORT GROUPS IN YOUR AREA.  JOIN A CLUB. MAYBE YOUR EX LEAVING IS NOT SUCH A BAD THING IN THE LONG RUN. YOU MAY HAVE A DEEPER, HONEST LOVE IN THE FUTURE. IT REALLY IS TRUE LOVE OPENS DOORS. FIRST LOVE YOURSELF, THE BEST SECRET IN LIFE IS HAPPY THOUGHTS =

HAPPY LIFE.  

Answer 3

Sir, my heart goes out to you.  The only thing I can suggest is that you get counseling for yourself. It will help you to learn to manage your life a bit better. Also, go see your doctor and let him/her know how you are feeling. If you are on meds maybe it's time to try something different. Sometimes what works for one person won't work for another. I wish you a lot of luck and I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck.

Answer 4

First thing is first, think of your children!  Yes the process you are going through is hard, stressful, and the biggest pain in the *** anyone faces BUT this to will pass.  I would highly suggest start talking to a counselor to work out the feelings you have and the feelings you have are normal under the circumstances.

I am not a very religious person but my parents are and when times got really rough for me in the past they would always tell me that GOD does not give us more than we can handle, even tho it feels like it at times.

This will pass, but in the mean time you need to keep your head on your shoulders, continue being a good parent for your children and provide for them the best that you can.  Find someone you trust who you can talk to, a friend, co worker, counselor, etc so you can have the moments to let go and get these frustrations off your shoulders.

Money is money and whatever you lose can be regained in time, don't stress about it!!!  It's not worth it.  Just take everything one day at a time and do your best, I promise it will pay off in the end and you'll be a much happier person.

Answer 5

Check around at work, most every workplace has an EAP (Employee Assistance Program). Its free and completely confidential. They will set you up with a counselor in your area. Dont be afraid to seek professional help, they are there for a reason.

Divorce is hard on kids also, no matter their age. Your kids might be acting out after weekends with mom because they just dont know how to handle the feelings and thoughts they have also. They may not fully understand what they are feeling. Some kids need professional help with this sort of thing also.

Suicide is a very selfish act. Its a permanent solution to a usually temporary problem. This part of your life will pass, it will change. Things will start to eventually calm down. However, it really sounds as though you need some help in getting that started. Reach out.

I wish you all the luck and hope everything works out for you.  

Answer 6

With all the stress you have going on in your life I think you need to see someone for help. I have been in your situation and depression does not always go away on it's own. Medication might work as well. You need to do something for you and your kids. They need you in your life. No matter how bad it gets they need you and love you. I would try to find a therapist or doctor that you could talk to. Sometimes just talking about your problems with someone is enough and sometimes you need medication. Good luck and hang in there.

Answer 7

Post this in the mental health section. You will get the best responses there.  

Answer 8

My friend, you are not alone. There are many people in the same situation if not worse. Remember that things can only get better. You will be able to overcome and endure. Love your children and be good to them for you are their soldier that will keep them safe. Is there any family nearby that can possibly help you with the kids?

Remember that if you ever have any thoughts that the world is against you and you can no longer bear the pain. I want you to take a good look at your children, and remember that if you are not there for them, they may be out on the streets.

You need to be the disciplinarian but do so with a firm but loving tone. No need to add more stress. If you teach them, they will learn. Constant admonishment will not change them overnight. Show them that a little organization can make things look nice and that you are proud of them. A hug and a kiss can be very rewarding to a child. When was the last time you gave them a true hug and a kiss and told them that you love them.

Your child with disabilities is a special child and the lord will not give you a cross that you cannot carry. You have been blessed.

I can only show you honor and respect for taking the responsibility of being the best father you can be to your children. In the long run when your children are grown and mature they will look back and reflect and say to their own families that it was their DAD that took good care of them and they have him to thank. Your grandchildren will honor you.

Keep your chin up and if you need to send me an email I am open to hear your problems. Sometimes all you need is to vent to release some of your frustrations. And believe me, it is better then taking it out on yourself or your children.

As for your wife, see what you can do to expedite the process and be rid of her. Keep your kids, raise them right. I can tell you were raised the right way. Smile, there is someone out there that will love you and take care of you because they will see that you are a responsible adult.  

Answer 9

Aww,

don't do that,

I'm sorry,

you can talk to me if you want.

although i may not be much help.

maybe you should tell her to stop being such a *****,

and help out,

what city are you in?

i'll babysit!

gosh,

try therapy.

im really sorry.

Answer 10

I think what you need is help and fast. first lets start with the kids. sinceyou are only make so much money you may quailfiy for some sort of discount or free services in child care. you seem like you want ot have your kids and love them. but what you need to do is set rules for the kids when they are at your house and follow thru if they dont listen. she runs her house her own way, and thats fine (or not). but you need to teach these kids stability and rules. now for you, you need help in many ways. taking your life will only make things worse for your kids and your family. we need you here on earth and your kids need you. it seems like everything is piling up on you and nothing is going right. but it will get better. i think you need to see if you can get help, talk to a coucelor or a social worker, they can help you get on your feet and make things better. there is help out there but yu hve to ask for help. help dont come to you. please rethink this and think about your future. there are other women out there that im sure want you or are attracted to you, but you just dont see it. open your eyes and see whats around you. look at all the beautiful things around you.you need to be around for a long time, to see your kids grow up and get married and grandkids.  please think of that, goodl uck!!!!!

Answer 11

You are going through alot, but suicide will only make things worse for the ones you leave behind.  Get some help w the kids, a day care at least; also get a housekeeper and yard person, whatever you can do to delegate work so you can focus on yourself and getting those kids on track.  Do what you can to get this divorce over with asap...give her some money to get her to settle or something, sounds like money is all she cares about anyway, use it to your advantage.  Think smart, work smart, don't give up, ever.  Best wishes to you.  xxxooo

Answer 12

My only advice would be to be the best father you can. Your kids will love you for it. Your an awesome dad!! Most men are the every other weekend dads and that's a bother to them. I know i have to deal with one. As for the fibromyalga there are new treatments out there. You should see your dr. Ive been through a divorce and it was hard but let me tell you it does get better. So hold your head high and be proud of what your doing for your kids. I know its hard but its worth it!!!

Answer 13

If your soon to be ex has a decent job, maybe you could get the court to award you alimony from her. She should at least pay child support. If you have fibromyalga, perhaps you could get on social security disability. I do know a couple of people who have that, and they are on ss disability. From what I have heard, it can be a very painful illness. It would probably take an attorney's help for you to get on ss disability. The attorney get a % of your ss check but only up to a certain amount by law. If you were able to draw disability, you would receive the full amount as though you had reached retirement age--not a decreased amount. You can also draw an emergency disability to help right away--and with kids and your financial situation, it seems like you would qualify. You would also receive a certain amount for your kids, and you would all receive medicare.

There is nothing wrong with getting assistance when you need it. Your kids need you, and they also need counseling in order to learn to behave. You could also use the counseling in order to learn to disapline your kids appropriately--with lots of love. With what you have been through, it has to be tough on your kids, and they are the ones who really count. We, as adults, make our own messes. Our kids are often the victims. So get any help you can so you can help your kids. This affects them for the rest of their lives as far as choices they make. We lead by example. Doesn't sound like they have had the best examples. Get yourself squared around so you can help yourself and your kids. They need you.

Answer 14

its unbelievable how ex wives are, and they are def worse than ex husbands. the wives are so vindictive and use the kids as pawns.

(i'm an ex wife, NEVER screwed my husband during divorce, but i see many wives do it, and its so aggrivating when the dad loses out on kids)

You do need help and IT WILL NOT make you lose kids., in fact , it'll only help, first of all, ANY counselor has a legal obligation to your complete privacy like a lawyer. Go and talk to a man, who can better understand your "male mind" and your problems,...

Then contact your local support groups, or better yet, in the next town...so you dont know anyone. Fathers groups are popping up all over the country. I would seek full custody. Let her see them ONCE a month, for one day if you can, especially if you can rule her unfit. Instead of an entire weekend, how bout one afternoon, she'll do less "damage " to the kids this way. You get yourself a baby sitter, a young kid in the neighbor hood, for a small amount of money, it'll be well worth it. THEN, and listen, this is important!! DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF, get a sitter or your mom, relative, and go out on a saturday night, with the guys , or to a movie, or have  a drink or ask a female friend out, ANYTHING, and start living, the sooner you start doing some things for yourself, ...the easier it will be to deal with this b*tch you married.

I wish you luck. If you ever need to vent, email me.

and again, good luck, dont give up, dont let her ruin your future, shes already ruined your past!

Answer 15

*hugs* I'm so very sorry you are having to go through this. Have you tried talking to a Dr. about your feelings, maybe a counselor? Sounds like you need someone to help you sort through your problems and help you get your finances under control. You sound like an amazing man and an amazing father to your kids and that is wonderful! Just keep your chin up as best you can eventually things will settle down. God Bless!!!

Answer 16

and i thought my life sucked

Answer 17

get to a counselor or at least a minister, talk thru it, if you have to email me direct and well talk, dont give up it will get better.