Help - friend listed me as a reference but I don't want to recommend her!?

Question

We used to work together (teaching) and she was really bad. The students didn't like her at all - thought she was mean and didn't explain things well. She's not applying for a teaching job right now, but I still can't recommend her in good conscience. What do I do?

Answer 1

Tell her to find another reference. Though you might want to think about your own karma. You could be setting off a chain reaction of misery visited upon you.

I hope that "friend" doesn't consider you a friend. You sound like a jerk.

Answer 2

First of all, someone should not use you as a reference without asking your permission first and confirming you will give a good one. If someone calls to verify her reference, just answer the questions they ask. I live in a state that it is illegal to give a bad reference for someone, so you may want to check with your HR department first.

Keep in mind that any reference you give reflects upon you professionally also. I would not want it known in my profession that my references are meaningless.

Answer 3

Sop doing two things.Calling her friend and allowing her to give your number for a reference.tell her today how you feel,she will see the lite....

Answer 4

Then be very impartial when (if) you are contacted.  You don't have to give her a recommendation.  She should have asked it were OK before doing it.

Answer 5

peanut butter

Answer 6

Dont give her the recommendation.She should have asked you before listing your name.

Answer 7

References are important legal devices for companies. As an HR Manager, I place a lot of importance on the references given when making my final decisions. All of the psych tests, interviews, etc. etc. can be completely discounted if the references are bad. An incorrect hire can mean wasted money for the company, danger to other employees, negligence on our part, damaged morale and work environment, internal conflicts, wasted time on training, amongst a myriad of other issues.

If the company is professional in its dealings, then it will not disclose any information (good nor bad) about the referees´ comments about the applicant.

Honestly, limit your comments to the truth without elaborating too much on the negative side. Dont lie and dont talk her up! Its not just her that you are affecting when you give the reference. Be true to your conscience as well.. think that there are other people that may be better suited to the job that are getting cut out of the process on false grounds if you give a prettied-up reference.

Tell the truth without being negative or defamatory. Dont be overly emotional in your responses, just state the facts. Answer what they ask you and nothing more. They probably will not talk to her about what her referees said, anyway.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Well when she asked you if she could use you as a reference you should have told her clearly no.  You can tell anyone who calls your negative response.  It's odd.  You still consider her a friend even thought you wouldn't recommend her for a job.  I understand you want the best for the students.....if she is as bad as you say she'll be found out eventually.

Answer 9

If they contact you just give them answers that sound believable but don't throw ur friend under the bus! Just try to not sound negative. If it's a job where she doesn't have an impact on the well-being of others, i.e. teaching, then just go ahead and sugar coat everything. They will find out that she is a bad worker on their own if they choose to hire her! It's not like you owe the people who are considering her anything! What damage would it do to you if she got hired then the company fired her for being a bad employee. It's not like they are going to call u back and cuss you out!

Answer 10

Honestly answer the questions that they ask you, if they call.  They will not give  the information out to your "friend".  They will find another reason why they did or didn't pick her for the position.

Answer 11

A lot of times they don't even call. If they do they normally just ask basic questions like how does interact with others. Is she a punctual person things like that. You didn't mention what kind of job she is trying to get. But you say she wasn't a good teacher, well really think do you think she would do well at the place she is applying for?

If you don't want to do it just ask her no to put you down as a reference anymore. But I will say this, you must like her if she is your friend but if you can't  think of anything nice to say about  her to a potential employee then maybe you should stop being her friend.

Answer 12

Just be neutral when contacted; neither here nor there, they can interpret that in any way they choose. She should have asked you first if it was OK to use you as a reference, that was kind of a nerve of her.

Answer 13

Tell her you can not do it because references are people that have an higher position than the person they recommend. It will not make her look good if a person on an equal position is her reference. Needs to be her boss....

Answer 14

Is she a good friend?  Is she asking for a letter of recommendation or just listing you as a reference?  If she wants a letter you're going to have to tell her you just can't do that in good conscious.  If she just wants to list you as a reference then you can explain to the person calling how you feel about the recommendation.  Most employers won't tell her who said what about her.  They usually just choose not to hire that person.