Help i have grown teens question what would you do or should i do?

Question

My 21 yr old lives at home he's mentally ill with adhd and borderline bipolor his mentality is aprox 15yr old.Then I have a normal defiant 18 yr old daughter who has 1 semester to finish school.My son prolly couldnt get and hol any job with his anger issues and my daughter does stuff helps people with no pay just get out house she says.But each child every morn yells and gives me attitude and demands cigerettes,food,hair products,oposite s*x partners come over and they both treat me like I am a piece c**p they scream punch walls slams doors when they dont get thier way.and at times fight to death with each other they both start and i have stop them tear them apart referee.they dont think they should tell me anything or be told anything and both refuse clean house and its a mess I'm disabled so i sit in filth while they do what they want they are not ready for the boot they not ready but the arguing etc is effecting my health and i just want hide&cry at times but cant or could get worse

Answer 1

First off if they are physically fighting I would callthe police the next time it happens and let them deal with their actions- and live with the results of those action.  You seem to be making excuses for you son due to his disabilities - there are gov. funded programs that would assist him in learning how to make it own his own and be self sufficient.  They are both old enough to have jobs and i would suggest you explain to the both of the if they want the extras in life then they need to go to work and earn it.  I think it is too late to teach them respect of property and others that should have been taught to them at a young age - however just because they are your children does not mean they can mooch off you abuse you or take advantage of you - time to show some tough love - call the cops when they damage your property- call the cops when they get physical with each other - a few days in jail might open their eyes.  If that doesn't work it is high time they get out and earn their own way in life.

Answer 2

it sounds like you need some professional HELP not only for your children but yourself also try calling your local mental health agency or a crisis center in your area. they need to be away from you and you need to talk with someone badly.

Answer 3

Well, I know that if your son is that disabled, he could apply for state help. I would make it clear, that it's your house, and your rules, if they don't like it they can go somewhere else. They live there too, so they can help clean. And if you son gets help from the state, they may have some housekeeping included in that. They should respect you, as well as their friends that come over. If they want you to respect them, then they have to show respect first. And stop buying them stuff. If your daughter is more than capable to do stuff for free, just to get out of the house, then she can find a job, work part time, while she finishes school and afford her own stuff.  Good luck sounds like you have your hands full. But if you don't do anything about it, it will just continue.

Answer 4

First of all quit buying all non-essentials. Cigarettes are not essential. If your son is truly disabled then he needs help. There are plenty of programs that would be able to help him. If he knows Mom is going to take care of him then why should he do a thing? Even if he has then mentality of a 15 year old, he should know that screaming and fighting are wrong.  

Sit down and have a heart to heart with both of them.  They need to start respecting you and your home.

Tell them what you expect and tell them what is going to happen if they don't follow your house rules. So what if they leave? They never had it so good, they will be back.

I hate to say this but you are probably going to have to get the police involved next time they have one of their fights. If you can , lock yourself in another room until it's over.

I would also call the police next time the friends come over and won't leave.  You are not doing them any favors by allowing them to live this way. They would never get away with this anywhere else. Stop threatening them and take action!

Answer 5

Get them out of your house!  You have done your job, perhaps not very well, I don't know, but you have done your job and they are not so bad off that they cannot get along on their own.  There is no such thing as ADHD, that's just an excuse for poor parenting and poor behavior.  Stop accepting excuses and get these things out of your house.