Help!!! i have lost control of my kids!!!!?

Question

somewhere somehow i have lost complete control of my children...serious help needed!!! heres how they act...... 12 year old daughter...rolls eyes, talks horrible to my husband (her stepdad), major attitude.... son 9 ... slips up and swears, like to say freakin (which i dont approve of in the way hes using it) also mouthy.... 6 year old daughter... screams at everyone alllll day long including us parents, hits other kids, and can be down right nasty, 5 year old boy....not much to complain about him ,,,, they love to aggitate each other all day long, make messes and wont clean them up.... please dont say im a horrible parent or say take something away...i need real advise. i need to regain control of my household i dont know where it went wrong but i need to fix it now.... tks

Answer 1

lay down the law..now!

it may take some yelling and threats but it will in the long run help every one

step one   you and hubby deside what the rules are, then sit the kids down and tell them what you expect and what you will not tolarate with clear punishments laid out

when they act in a way they are not allowed to send them to clean thier room they'll hate that but they will learn

fighting over the tv or computer...no one gets it

give them chores that they get rewarded for doing

buckle down and hold on it will be a bumpy ride but stick with it it works

hopes it helps

i have 7 altogether 4 still at home and the rules are the more you misbave the more work less freedom you get email if you want to talk more(or im)

Answer 2

Make a chart of the house rules.  Sit everyone down and explain what the rules are and what the consequences are for breaking them.  Time out, lost toys, lost priveleges, etc. Then stick to it.  They get one warning, and then the consequence is enforced.  Be consistent.  

Praise the heck out of them when they have good behavior. It can be so easy to get stuck in the pattern of just seeing the bad things and not ever acknowledging the good.  In addition you can make a reward chart, where the kids get a sticker for good behavior, cleaning up after themselves etc. After so many stickers they get a reward, the rewards can be anything from a toy to a day out with mom, etc.

Spend time with them doing family activities. Board games, kicking a ball in the yard, swimming, anything that will engage everyone and allow you to have fun as a family.  Set aside a time everyweek that is just family time.  No cell phones, no TV, just family doing an activity together. They might moan at first, but if its fun they'll grow to look forward to it.

Listen to your 12 year old.  At that age it can feel like your parents are just talking AT you all the time and never just listening to whats going on with you. Make time every night to just sit her down and ask whats going on with her. If she doesn't want to talk at first, don't punish her for it. Just tell her you're here to listen, and move on.  

I also agree, that if you can afford family counseling, it could be very helpful.  Good luck and hang in there!!

Answer 3

In all reality you might have to take something away in order to get their attention. I understand that you feel like this might be a horrible thing to do but when you have that many children and they are all against you then you need to show that you aren't going to take this anymore. For the twelve year old she will learn that when she acts like this her bad actions will not be praised by getting her way. When you tell her to do something stand by it and be firm. Don't change your mind and let her know that you are vulnerable. She will use this to her advantage. For the 9 year old. Tell him that every time he swears he will have to but something that he loves in a box and won't be able to play with it until he shows you and your husband that he is acting better. For the 6 year old, when she yells at you and everyone else make her sit down and not say anything for 6 minutes (minutes according to her age) If and when she successfully does this she will be able to talk and have a conversation with everyone. If she doesn't then send her to a quiet place in the home where she won't be able to to watch tv, listen, to anything, talk on the phone, or play with anything, and tell her that it is quiet time and when she is calm she will be able to come out.

Stay with your punishments for all the children, because a home with kids who mind has to start with parents who have control and won't back down. On a side note, don't yell at them or argue with your husband in front of them. Kill the wrong behaviour with a calm head.

Answer 4

Agreed, you sound like a candidate for Supernanny.

Answer 5

check out Dr. phil.com he'll help you

Answer 6

ok you have to have a schedule, the kids have to do chores and then they have to earn the right to have things like playstation and to go to the park or pool.  the kids have to have a routine and order and not a free for all.  i know it is very hard, i have 4 myself.  i have felt the same way you do.  now that it is summer the kids are going nuts and i have to keep them busy all day.  we go to the library, the pool, and then the boys (3) of them go to this one friends house where the parents are strict adn they play nice there.  i would say get a chart and write down all their chores they have to get done in the morning.  then make like noon the time they can go out and play (after lunch).  when the kids fight make them all be in trouble instead of picking out which one did the bad thing.  i had to learn this, id didnt know what to do.  i never had a schedule as a kid, i played outside everyday and then went to my grandmas house who lived across the street.

i was neevr really disciplined as a kid either, i was quiet and didnt do much wrong.  so it is weird for me now i have to learn  how to parent it sometimes doesnt come natural.  i used to be too lax... then the kids became out of control too.  GOOD LUCK!!  i am here for you.  candy

Answer 7

You not only need good advise, you and your children need to be in family counseling... this is called a disfunctional family, hon.  

Wait until your oldest turns 13.... February. second semester of her grade 8 year.  You think it's bad now?

Please, get all of you  in family counseling... Intervention time.

Answer 8

Call Supernanny.... or just watch a few episodes and see how she handles similar issues.

Answer 9

You need to step in with authority. Set rules and be consistent. Write them down. Have the children accept them as reasonable and fair. Keep it simple. Tell them what the consequences are and follow through. They will learn. You are teaching them accountability for their actions. If they follow the rules without problems then reward them. You are the parent. You have control. You just need to seize it. You are in charge, not them. Speak up and with authority. Don't be afraid of your kids.

Tell them to be quiet. Be loud. Put your finger over your mouth to indicate silence. Then talk and say, things are going to change. We are going to have some rules.

Get your husband involved to. It's going to take work. It's not going to be smooth sailing but if you are committed, it can be done. I have seen it myself. I have been a babysitter and a camp counselor. I have 2 stepkids.