Help i want some body to help?!?

Question

I have been in a 4 year relationship with this so called "woman of my dreams" , we have a three year old son together and lived together and shared our dreams and hopes together. Back in april, she acted ambivelent and nasty and eventually led a breakup in the end of april. She told she wanted freedom and explore New York City. I was devastated, upset, confused and everything else. She moved out pretty quickly and was just cruel and heartless. After friends have told me that by the speed of her move, you might wanna consider a third party. two weeks later, i went through her t-mobile plan, and i found out she was talking to a japanese guy since March, this guy she has met since Feb. I was upset, i was shocked and could'nt believe it. There were period of time when i was comparing myself to him and why she choose him and i guess she thinks he's more ïnteresting" That's unfair, i am younger and i wanted a stable life for all of us, i could've travel the world and played guitar and dance if i wanted to, but we had a kid. I went through so much pain and it is so unbearable. She showed up with him a couple of weeks ago to pick up my son. How can someone do this and hurt people like this? I've been in my house taking care of my son almost the entire summer. Cried and thought A LOT about what happened. It's as if our relationship never existed for her. My son and me don't deserve this, this is not the way my family should've went. I don't think i'll ever forget this. Now i am just trying to live everyday knowing this, how things have changed. It'll never be the same again :(. Can someone just help with a few words on moving on and advices on how to live life and hope again?

Another thing, what if she gets married to this kid, i would be so heartbroken, or am i just paranoid, i have a feeling she'll do that but why, im so confused. What a nightmare?!

Answer 1

get a lawyer I know you are heartbroken only time heals pain the lesson in life will hurt the next woman you meet but life goes on but now you have to fight for  your child so get a stable job go back to school and teach that son of yours the right way and the there will be woman of your dreams because you deserve it and you sound like a decent young man take care and go to a therapist and I hope you have family to cry on their shoulder

Answer 2

What a B@#$* it sound like you a nice guy women are looking for. You will found someone who will really love you or she will found you. Don't give up on hope you have someone who already love you and that's your son go get him. And good luck

Answer 3

Only time will ease the pain of being done dirty like this. Concentrate on your son and making  a good life for the two of you. When the time is right, a real woman that will love you and your son will fall out of a clear blue sky and right into your lap. I speak from the experience of having been through it myself. Hang in there, it'll get better.

Answer 4

Okay. You wanted a stable life with a dream and you got a nightmare in the stable instead of the dream. And yes, you'll never be the same again. (But that's always true.) A crappy deal. Some people get cancer. Some people get AIDS. Some people get.. well, you get it. It's okay to cry. Let there be some time to cry. But also sit down in other times and plan the realities. Where's you son going to be in your life. What about child support? Can you reasonably fight for custody? (Her taking off with another guy doesn't win it for you.) How much family support can you count on? Will they go on record as doing child care when you're trying to argue that you're the better custodian? Or will you accept of the custody arrangements? What are you going to do if she turns back up because the other guy really didn't want a skunk in his life, either? Now, don't get all happily fixated on that happening, but be sure you know how to deal with it. See. You have time to cry, but you also have work to do.

Answer 5

I feel for you it sounds horrible. it will take you time to grief this but I hope you will be able to move on. you sound like a good guy you will find someone who will appreciate you. be a good father to your son and don't trash talk his mom to him because that will mess him up, even if she deserves it in a way. she made your son a victim and that is horrible. neither of you deserve this. she might marry the other guy but that might be better for you because it will give you a sense of closure and help you move on. there is also a chance this woman will be begging you to take her back if things don't work out with the other guy. I would focus on your son and being a good role model for him of how you are handling the situation, and that might ease the pain.  

Answer 6

You sound like having a child stumped your growth in doing things you would have rather done! Generally it takes two to split up a relationship and it doesn't happen over night! I suggest you get honest with yourself and move on, you, your son and ex will be better for it.  Good luck.

Answer 7

So sorry this has happened to you and you are hurting bad. No wonder you are confused it seems you did nothing to evoke ambivalence and nastiness. Perhaps she was just looking for a reason to leave. People who do this are dishonest cowards. Instead of owning up to their own guilty feelings they project those feelings onto others. Who knows what the attraction was? Do you really want to know? Don't beat yourself up about it. Get plenty of rest sleep fresh air exercises and healthy food. Enlist the support of family and friends. Work on your self esteem. In time she may end up back on your doorstep but perhaps too late as you will have moved on perhaps with someone new. Take care x  

Answer 8

This is going to sound harsh but you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with your life. You have a son to think about now. She cheated on you! I was cheated on too and I had two daughters but I got up and started a new chapter in my life. That was 33 years ago I found a wonderful man we had a great son who just got married last September. Life goes on only if you let it.

Answer 9

I can relate! I have been through two heart breaks. The first one was like yours. I was married to my high school sweetheart. I was pregnant with our second child. At times I felt I could not go on. He ran around on me with a stripper which made me feel worse. I felt fat even though I was not. I felt ugly and I wanted to know what he saw in her and not me. I could not eat or sleep. I cried all the time. The worst though was I got to the point that I was almost begging to him. That was the worst hurt I have ever felt in my life. I was unable to even think rational at times. It took years for me to get over that! It almost destroyed me! It also took a long time for me to completely let go! He would treat me like a dog and I didn't care. Years later I got into counseling. I wish I had done that way sooner. I basically went through that horror alone, pregnant, and trying to take care of my other child. If there is anyway for you to get into counseling, I suggest that. Also, if you have any supportive friends, hang onto them! It will take time. Allow yourself to grieve! I have heard that losing someone like this is like losing someone to death, but worse because they are still alive. I also believe that God got me through it even though I could not see that. My heart goes out to you!  

Answer 10

Your going through the the normal withdrawel my frind. i know it sucks, but heartbreak doesn't feel good, we all know that. you'll feel someway about the whole thing for a long time and you will never forget. even though you two have a son you must move on, day-by-day. focus on your son, goals, work, REAL friends and family. All these things combined will help you eventually be able to accept the ending of your relationship and move on. you can still love her and not be with her and over time, the type of love you have for will definately gradually change. good luck to you with your new life and son and may many blessings(and beautiful, caring women) come your way!