Help in potty training a 4 yr old boy who is horrible stubborn. wants nothing to do with it.?

Question

Help in potty training a 4 yr old boy who has refused everything we can think of. Is not scared of the toilet just does not want to use it. Does not care if peers make fun of him, does not care if he can't go to school until he uses a toilet. the usual food or toy bribes don't even phase him. he is bright, we can't figure this out, his pedetrician isn't much help.

Answer 1

How about restricting his activities?   Allow him in only an area of the house where he won't destroy the flooring.  

Another:  At this point maybe he needs to learn to clean himself up also.   If he can dress himself- and four year olds can- then he can change his diaper.

Answer 2

I run a small in home day care and over the years I have potty trained several kids.  The latest was a little girl (3 1/2) who had the same problem. Her mom insisted that she could not get her to go on the potty. At that age, changing diapers gets a little gross, so one day I just told her "you are going on the potty, you are to big for diapers." Now if you are the "Dr Spock" type, you aren't going to like this, but I told her if she didn't try going potty, she would have to sit in the "honey seat" which is basically time out away from the other kids. She was literally potty trained in 2 days here. BUT Mom still had issues with her at home because she wasn't enforcing the discipline of her getting in trouble if she didn't try. Once she started being firm, the little girl did great.

I say all that to tell you that you may have to get a little ugly to get him to listen. I think the reason I had success is that they KNEW I would enforce the rule.  Potty accidents are one thing, but being directly disobedient is another. Take something special away or don't allow TV time. What ever his "currency' is.

Good luck! Don't worry too much, its just a phase. I have seen very few 18 year olds running around in diapers.

Answer 3

Tell him in two weeks his diapers are going away. Then do it!!! Don't argue, just do it. my nine year old would still be crawling around wearing diapers if I let him. After a few accidents he will start using the potty.

Answer 4

I would get him excited about it...get rid of the diapers...just don't buy them anymore...let him give the one's you have away, or let him throw them away. Show him what  a big boy he is...and that big boys don't need diapers. Try to stay positive, I'm sure that must be frustrating. I just got through potty training my twin boys. Good luck. :)

Answer 5

he is just scared. And yes he needs to learn to go soon. If there is a man in the family have him take him in there with him and teach him how to go. That's how my girls learned I took them in there when I went to use the bathroom. It may sound nasty but my girls wanted to learn and did before they turned 2. Remember if they have an accident its not the end of the world. Let them know its o.k. if you don't when they do have a oops they will hide it . Trust me it does not smell good once urine hidden clothes are found days later

Answer 6

You could try putting him in cloth diapers, I always thought that the newer diapers absorb too much so they can't feel anything when they go.  Perhaps if he was a little more uncomfortable in his diaper, he would want to start using the potty.

Answer 7

u don't say whether u keep him in diapers or let him mess around. has he any control? if yes i have 2 suggestions.

1. YOU do nothing about it, but take away any diapers and put him in training pants. show him how to use them and let him get on with it in his own way. show him how to change them if he messes up. that way HE is in charge and may surprise u.

2. be firm:tell him your expectations and the consequences in simple, clear language while looking him straight in the eye. enforce your consequences first time he does not obey. training will take a day or less.

Answer 8

You are not alone. I am having exactly the same problem with my 4 year old boy. I have also tried everything. We have seen continence nurses, 3 different paediatricians and now a psychologist. Nothing has worked. He was in underpants for 6 months and still pooed in his pants between 1 and 8 times daily. He's back in pull-ups now. Rewards don't work, nor do laxatives, potties, toilets with an without seat inserts, yelling, reminding, not yelling, not reminding, nappies, underpants, no underpants at all, boxer shorts and the list goes on.

He has been kicked out of kindergarten for this problem.

He is my second child, and to start with I did nothing different with him than with my first (who trained at 3 in a week). He is just not making it easy.

Don't listen too hard to people who suggest you haven't tried everything or haven't been consistent enough. I'm guessing that you probably have. These people probably haven't experienced the level of stubbornness that our kids can produce! Looking at their experience with other kids and saying that if it worked for them it would work for you is a fallacy. This is not your fault.

Hopefully for the sake of our sanity we will both get there soon! Good luck.

Answer 9

Have you tried any kind of reward system? Put up a star chart on the wall by the toilet. Any time he goes in the potty, he gets to choose a sticker and put it on the chart.Then, say, after he gets 10 stickers he gets to go to the store and get a toy. Something like that. Sounds like he needs the motivation to use the potty. A reward, not just a punishment for not doing it. If he's only getting punished, then the whole experience is a negative one that he just wants to avoid all together. Try to turn it into a positive experience for him. Kwim?