Help me I want a baby.?

Question

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years. We have had 2 miscarriages. We are now trying to adopt. I want a baby now I know I would be a good mother. How can I make this process go faster and what is the fastest way to find a mother who is not abel to care for her baby.

Answer 1

OK you sound disturbed. Get some counseling first. you sound like one of those women who go and steal a baby.Adoption takes some time for that reason they do all kind of background checks. Make sure you are ready for this and also the mother should pick you. You do a bio and a good one that they  can see the real you and if they like you they choose you. The best things are worth waiting for. and this is a little person not a plant

Answer 2

THERE IS NO FAST WAY OF DOING THIS. THERE ARE PROBABLY MILLIONS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE IN THE SAME BOAT BUT HAVE TO WAIT. YOU NEED TO GO THROUGH ALL THE PROPER PROCEDURES FIRST. I FEEL FOR YOU BUT YOU WILL NEED LOTS OF PATIENCE. GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

as many have stated--quiet eloquently--the purpose for adopting a child should be to give a parentless baby a home, not try to "find" a mother who wants to give you her baby.  also, it kind of reads a bit like entitlement to suggest that there is a way to make the process go faster.

i really think you should give yourself sometime to mourn the loss of your babies.  then if adoption is something you wish to pursue, don't rush the process...

i wish you well.

Answer 4

Stand outside an abortion clinic and see if the mother would rather give her child to a good home. You'd save a baby's life!

Answer 5

I've been through the agony of losing babies too and I can totally empathise, I'm sorry you went through that.

Please remember that this does not entitle you to somebody elses child in any way and you need to be patient to ensure that any adoption is an ethical one

Please also don't forget the thousands of children in care who dream of having a family just as much as you dream of being a mother

Answer 6

There is no fast way. But you should consider foster care, there are millions of children that need a home.

Answer 7

keep trying but if this is making you feel depressed and stressed this wont help. You could adopt. Keep trying for a baby and if its right then you will be blessed with a child.

Answer 8

Why are you in such a hurry to take a child from his or her mother?  

You need to be comfortable with yourself, and who you are, before you can be a good parent.  You need to know that you can be a complete person without being a parent before you can really be a good parent.  Parents that feel incomplete without their children wind up putting too much pressure on their children.  Children grow up either rebelling against their parents' demands, or always trying to please them.  

Your desperation here suggests that you need to grieve your infertility (if you are, in fact, infertile) so that, if you do adopt, that grief doesn't impact your child.  Further, you need to be okay with the idea that you are a good, whole person if you never parent.  Only then can you really be any good to a child who is going to need a lot of understanding.

Slow down and take a breath.  Remember, this isn't supposed to be about you.  This is supposed to be about helping a child in need.

Answer 9

There is no fast way unless you get a baby from the black market. I agree with those who say you need to accept your inability to carry to term .  Once you have you could considered becoming foster parents, you could even later join the Fos to adopt program. Or then start your adoption process.

Since you have gotten pregnant you might be a candidate for a surrogate. The baby would be biological yours just carried by another woman.

Answer 10

obviously no one here knows your medical history or circumstances, but i dont think you should give up completely on concieving naturally. many people experience miscarriages, but still manage to have children.

Answer 11

Adoption is not about getting a child the quickest way possible - that's a baby you are talking about for crying out loud. Sheesh - and people wonder why some of us adoptees get upset about the need for better education and reform.

I had four miscarriages and tried for eight years before I had my first successful pregnancy and then got pregnant again a year later and now have two wonderful little boys. Unless you have heard from a doctor that it is impossible there is always hope. I'm proof of that.

Answer 12

I'm sorry you're having trouble getting pregnant, that must be frustrating.

But adoption shouldn't be your next step without trying naturally a bit more, and if that doesn't work, doing a lot of research on adoption before you proceed.

Raising children who are not biologically related to you is not that same as raising your own children.  Adoption is, and always has been very complex.  It's not something you rush into.  The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier, would be a good book for you to read before you proceed with adoption plans.

However, I think you should work on having a baby.  I have 3 children because of this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your...

You just need to buy a digital thermometor from the drug store.

Are you overwieght?  There's a huge correlation between infertility and obesity.  If you're more than 20 lbs. overweight, why not go to Weight Watchers?  And take yoga?  I think stress is a huge componant.

You have gotten pregnant--that's very different than infertile women who can't concieve.

I wish you luck.

Answer 13

Do you *have* do take in a baby?

Can you open your heart to an older child, perhaps?

So many kids in foster care need loving homes, yet so many homes desperate for children overlook them.

It's sad.

Answer 14

i can help you in return you help me  [e-mail]

Answer 15

Have you tried Ebay or Freecycle?

Answer 16

You cant speed up an adoption.  They take this long because they have to be so thorough, for your sake as well as the child.

Why dont you consider being a foster parent in the mean time?  This process is much quicker and there are many many babies who need foster parents.

Answer 17

You have to go through your local council's adoption panel. There is no quick way to do this. They have to be certain that you are suitable parents. Imagine the effect on the child if the adoption broke down?

Answer 18

Adopt one!! Theres millions of babies without a loving family that need one!!

Answer 19

You can buy them on the black market from teenage mothers starting from 5k

Answer 20

Oh honey, big (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) to you.

I have been there. I had at least 2 ectopic pregnancies and 3 other early losses. My heart was absolutely broken wide open. The blessing was that it has stayed more open, but, oh, the pain was awful. For me, emotionally it was more about loss and grief than about infertility, though it came to that as well. My womb and arms just ached to hold my babies.

I don't know if it is the same for you or not. Maybe it is not so much about grief for you, maybe it is more about wanting any baby. Either way, though, you have to grieve. You have to grieve the babies you miscarried, whose future you dreamed of. And you have to grieve the idea of being a biological parent to a child. (Though I agree with Sunny and some others that things may not at all be hopeless for you with regards to having biological children).

The desperation I read in your question leads me strongly to believe that you have not done your grieving yet. You owe it both to yourself, to your husband, and especially to any child you might adopt, to do a lot of grief work (and it is hard work) before you think seriously about adopting.

You may not attach (bond) well with an adopted child if you are still grieving the children you do not have. Not that you will ever completely "get over" your losses, but from your question it sounds like you are still in a lot of pain and active grief. And I truly don't want to be harsh to you, but you need to be much further along in grieving the birth children you imagined raising, before you are ready to adopt. You owe it to your child to be able to give your heart and soul fully to them. Adoptive parenting is parenting plus. The child has also had a huge loss--even at birth it would be the loss of the mother the child has known and felt and smelled and heard. This is a truly significant loss. Just as all experiences of pregnancy losses and infertility are different, the sense of loss that people who have been adopted feel can be very different--but something was lost. And as an adoptive parent (ideally with the help of the first/birth mother), it is up to you to be there for them and help them cope with whatever grief they experience. And that will be very hard if you have not worked on your own grief.

You have gotten many good answers suggesting foster care, fost/adopt, fertility treatments, etc. You have gotten many good answers from adults who were adopted and from woman whose children have been adopted. Please listen to them, with your heart. Some of these answers sound harsh, I know, but that is because they are thinking about the other people who will be affected if you adopt out of a sense of desperation. You owe it to the child and the child's first mother to be ready to parent the child you have, and not the ones you are grieving.

Hang in there honey. I know this is oh so hard. You just want to be a mommy already, years ago. I understand that oh so well. But parenting takes all of your heart and soul, and adoptive parenting takes even more, if you do it right. You owe it to yourself and your child to be ready to give your whole self to parenting your child.

Big ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))...

Answer 21

Hi, firstly, I am sorry about the problems you have been having and can understand your feelings to a degree.

However, I am sure you understand that the adoption process is a lengthy one due to social workers needing to be as close to 100% certain as they can be that you will be a suitable adopter.  I know you know you are, but the social workers don't know you and therefore have to go through the process.

In the UK it takes 8 months to become approved.  It may take a wee bit longer if holidays and any unexpected problems occur, but a smooth process takes 8 months.  I have heard of occasions when it has been done faster if a match has been made in which it is in the childs best interests to be placed asap.

Please remember that everything is done in the interests of the child, not the adult, which is just the way it should be.

If you are in the UK the chances of getting a newborn are practically nil.  The vast majority available for adoption in the UK have been removed from their parents due to abuse or neglect and are a little older.

Contact your local social services and get the ball rolling.  I wish you luck.

Answer 22

You should meet my sister!

I apologise if I'm out of order, but if you go to the Law and Ethics  part of answers you will understand.

back to your question, can your health visitor put you intouch with any organisations? Surely they would have some sort of support group for people in your situation. Or try fostering before you go in for adoption.

Answer 23

ME!ME!ME! MINE!MINE!MINE!

Once again the idea of adoption being about the child is quashed!