Help me. No friends. Very insecure. Hardly speaks. (No mean answers please)

Question

I am so insecure and have zero confidence. I'm also so shy and quiet. This is only some of the time though. When i'm feeling comfortable around people I love like my family or my really good friends, i'm the complete opposite.:outgoing, loud, confident (although i'm still always very insecure)

I'm insecure in the way that if anyone says anything or makes a joke i'll think they're laughing at me or for example, if my best friend goes out with another friend and doesn't invite me, i'll think she hates me.

I used to have a lot of friends. Then I moved school and something happened and now I have none. I became a different person. Boring. Hardly talked. Someone in the background; never in the center of things.You probably get the point.

Basically I have a hard time making friends. It takes me so long to make friends. I feel really socially awkard so I kind of just avoid it. I want to make friends and I become more outgoing and talkative. I'm a loser with no friends. I get no invites.It makes me sad hearing about all of the things they (the people in my class) did at the weekend and that they didn't invite me. I think people think i'm weird because they know everyone else and they don't know me because i'm so quiet and don't let anyone in.

I've realised I need to do something about it. I need to change. I want friends. I want to have fun and BE fun to be with.

Please help me.

Answer 1

i was like that when i switched schools. i just just not myself around all these school kids. but then i had my friends outside of school. but then at school i tried to just laugh at their jokes and i hoped they would accept me. but it didn't work that way. so gradually i would pretend to have confidence in myself and then they started to be friendlier. then as time went on i was more and more myself.

you jsut need to get over that first step of just stepping ourside of your bubble then it will some easier. hope i helped!

Answer 2

I'm like this a little bit, I'm pretty shy.

You need to learn how to not over think things and try and not care so much what others think about you.

It is the beginning of a new school year and if you were as quiet as you made yourself sound, people wont know you that well, show them what you can really be.

Also think about this, you have nothing to lose, take some risks and put yourself out there, sure you might get hurt or rejected once or twice but in the long run you'll end up making new friends.

Answer 3

Oh, I am sorry you feel so bad! I wish I could pat you on the back and tell you it will be ok. It really will be ok. Moving to a new place just really pulls the rug out from under our feet, doesn't it? My idea for you is that you should join some clubs and get involved in some activities like sports or whatever you are interested in. Volunteer for something you feel strongly about. Friendships are forged in that type of situation. I am sure this is temporary for you and soon you will feel better. Remember, it's better to have a couple of really good friends than lots of acquaintances. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

i know how you feel, i have a similar situation and it sucks beyond belief.  I am very depressed and am dragging along.  You need to build your confidence by realizing that you are a great person and that anyone would be lucky to be friends with you.  Having a good attitude will attract the people that are ideal friends.  If you show people your real personality you will have great friends that like you for who you are, so speak up and don't be afraid to be you

Answer 5

hey pretty girl ... you need to be more confident than that ...

read your question again and may be you ll see whats wrong...

people are not that bad ... i am a big fan of people .. but one thing is for sure ... the more fun you are and the more easy going you are ... more likely they are to be around you ...

but DONT act like wanna bes .. thats a big no no...

just be yourself ... like you were when you were in your old school..

invite some close friends over ... let them mix up with your family .. its a big bonding point .. let then see your old pictures... DONT act too needy..

its networking ... make more friends from your friend.. get involved in class activities.. join a club... Go WHERE THE CROWD GOES..

just be yourself ... and i know thats fun u...

get involved and do thing that makes you noticeable .. like presentations.. playing in a team... etc...

be humble .. dont act rude... dont hurt people ...

best of luck ...

hope you have a fun life

Answer 6

start joining clubs and sports in your school

and just talk to people there..i'm sure if they know

that you will talk they will be interested in what you have

to say and won't judge you based on how quiet or

different you are...just be yourself and the rest

will catch up with you.

Answer 7

You're exactly like I was when I started high school!!!

I vagualy remember, but one day in 7th grade, I said hi to my friend, pretty much shouted but she didnt reply.  i was also in front of her.  i felt horrible, especially since she was in her group of friends so i felt like she ignored me on purpose and the fact that it was also the last day of school.  So that summer i gave myself a pep talk and surprisingly, instead of feeling sad, I felt angry so imade a descision to show people the next school year that i wasnt just there for decoration pushed on the side.  i was born with a destiny that god had thrusted on me and i was going to use that destiny to my advantage.

So one lunchtime in 8th grade, i got my lunch and sat at a table where someone i just knew the name of was and started talking to her.  literally, i just said hi i'm pooja.  and started rambling about something.  you just have to realize everyone is the sme, its just the times and situations that make people different.

But that time, I had created myself in my own time and situation.

Create your own self.

Answer 8

I always hated it when people would tell me "join a club or something". I would think if I felt like I was comfortable in joining a club I wouldn't be asking this question in the first place. There is something you need to do first to get to that point.

People are all insecure and worried about themselves or how they appear. With everyone so involved with themselves they don't remember to notice people or things around them. So if you are quiet chances are they didn't see you. Never ever call yourself a loser or anything negitive unless you want to be unhappy. Convidence and self esteem are completely decided by you, a lot of people don't realize that they do have total control of how they feel or who they are, especially if no one told you, you did.

People are attracted to people who make they feel good about themselves. Sometimes it can be as simple as letting them know that you are ok with who they are. Compliments can go a long way, and if you ask people about themselves they will gladly tell you and feel happy that someone wanted to know about them. This shows that you accept them and they will want to be around you.

You are young and this stage is not very easy/fun but, be paitent it does take some time. Don't feel bad because they were just scared of you rejecting them.

You sound fun and you have seen that you can have good times so don't worry about that. You are just learning a very usefull tool that you will perfect and use for the rest of your life. It is very hard to move and change schools I was depressed for at least a year. I made it last longer by hating myself. Do what makes you happy and know that you are great, and be patient the others will realize what a great friend you are if you remember that you are. Even if you don't say how you feel people can tell how you feel.

Also don't think so much I can see your smart and that can get thoughts all carried away, everything is more simple than you make it. Try to experiment with saying different things to see how they respond, I recomend looking for someone that looks like they are in the same position as you, to start they will be more greatful to talk and it will help build your confidece after you make a new friend.

E-mail me if you need help or want to talk I've been through a lot and have experienced both sides. I know how bad it feels and enjoy helping people so they don't have to feel as much pain as I have. There is a lot to learn and it is hard but it is woprth it.      

Answer 9

Have you thought about joining a club at the school that might be interesting to you?  That would give you a smaller group with people who have something in common.  Just my thought :)

Answer 10

This is so weird. This is kind of how it is for me...i moved about almost 2 years ago...i used to have alot alot of friends, i was loud, outgoing, and i knew alot of people. I guess you could say i was "popular". But when i moved i kinda was like "wtf" everything, still to this day is soooo much different, i only have a couple of good friends ...the rest are what you say " acquaintences" or however you spell it. All i'm saying is your not alone, and that i kind of know how you feel. I've become more outgoing....i guess it just one of things that takes time..you know? Like you kind of have to ..well not so much accept yourself, but kind of be outgoing and not be afraid of what others think.

It's hard i know, it gets better. It has gotten better for me, It is not like what it used to be, but its better.

I hope i could help=)  

Answer 11

Remember the kind of person you used to be and focus on the good qualities you still have.  Thinking about your good qualities (basically why you're so awesome--because you are! remember that--and why you think you should be a fun person to know) should give you a great confidence boost.  It may sound silly, but maybe you could make a list of those qualities and re-read it every day.  If you keep thinking, you'll probably keep finding more good qualities.

As for friends, extracurrics and clubs are always good ways to meet people.  So is just going up to someone and introducing yourself, but that's harder.  When you're meeting people, focus on your qualities.  The confidence you'll radiate will draw people to you!  

Answer 12

awe. you just need to expand your personality. show people who you really are and focuse on the happy parts in life. first try to feel uncomfortable talking...just let it go. people will respond and it will make you feel great. then maybe invite a few friends over and have a great time. by then youll know what to do.... hope i helped and good luck.

Answer 13

here are a few thing you could do:

1) join clubs or  teams, and do other activities at school or in your neighborhood

2) a persons outward apperance plays a big part in their self-confidence. plan a spa day! get a new haircut! beautify yourself! (:

3) TRY to be outgoing. i know its hard (believe me!), and i know your in a rut, but just try. there are probably people who want to be your friend, but just dont know how to approach you because your being so quiet.

4) remember, there are people who love you.

5) be yourself around people at school! just be yourself! (like i said before, itll take a while to get un-depressed, but you have to try) people will see what a great person you are if you act like your normal, funloving self!

6) if you need more help, or someone to talk to, feel free to add me to your contacts.