Help me explain this please?

Question

I seem to be rather unpopular right now with a few members of the board. It might have something to do with my disrespectful answers to their disrespectful questions. Could you please help me out and explain in your own words either "why access to a childs heritage is important to them" or "what the BSE was and how because of what went on during the BSE there are programs available today that youngsters seem unimpressed with"

Am I being clear in what I am asking for?

I was told if I didn't want my child I should have kept my legs shut. I'm not offended by this due to the lack of knowledge on the persons part that suggested it. I had no reason to keep my legs closed. We both knew what we were doing. Vietnam got in the way. If you know anything about what you preach, you would know that this was the baby scoop era and there were no programs to help me kep my child, AAANNNDDD, there was a good possibility he would not return from Vietnam just like most of the rest of my friends.

Answer 1

Many women were coerced, or otherwise put into positions where they had no choices.  Many first mothers that I have spoken with clearly were put into positions by their families where they felt they had no other option than to relinquish.  It seemed to be the expected course of events during the "Baby Scoop Era."  It is easy to sit back now and describe how they might have survived keeping the child.  But that ignores both the familial pressures and the societal pressures.  

People are often ignorant of the circumstances others suffered.  And, from some of the comments I'm seeing here, I think some are angry for having been given up.  They seem to be lashing out at first mothers, over generalizing to all first mothers, and generally talking with their feet planted firmly between their teeth.

Answer 2

They have no understanding of how the world worked back then, in the late 60's early 70's. How shameful it was to be an unwed mother. No programs to help us, sometimes no family support, my boyfriend was drafted and but went to the Navy to Viet Nam. So I lived a lie and kept the secret, never able to "get over it" are we birthmothers heartless creatures, who give our child away without a second thought? Not quite!

Answer 3

How wierd I can actually answer this question. lol

TED: I'm actually not all over the place, there has been a debate going on for a few hours now and you are comming in at the tail end of it. Sorry for the confusion. I hope you can figure it out.

Answer 4

Lori,

I can't say enought about the book, "the girls who went away".  It is right that we learn the history so that we may not make the same mistakes over and over again, especially in adoption.

Many women in the BSE era were shunned, shamed or tricked out of their babies.  Many young women were told that they were going to give their children away and come back home to pretend like nothing ever happened.  These young women were told they would "get over it".  Guess what they were lied to.  You don't get over it.  It is a part of who you are.  It haunts you daily.  The pain doesn't lessen.  You never get over it.

Why a child should have access to their heritage and their First Families?  They are a part of them.  A foundation that make the child who she is.  A part to be loved, honored and respected so the child can love, honor and respect herself.  

I' so upset, i'm not even making sense anymore.  But i think you know what i mean.

Answer 5

Lori,

I answered Sweet Kacey's question. She is a jerk! don't let her bother you. Both she and meerkat, feel that all adopted children should hate their first parents. Your daughter found you and it is only her's and your buisness that the both of you have a relationship.

some people can't see past the ends of their noses, that some of us adoptees can have a reltionship with our first parents, without being disrespectful to our adoptive parents.

Just because i had talked with my first mom and i had some sort of relationship with her, does not mean i hate my adoptive parents. In fact my adoptive parents were very supportive in helping me get in contact with my birth family. So that in itself blows, sweet kacey's and meerkat's mean statements about finding one's first family as disrespectful to the adoptive parents out of the water.

You don't mind them, they should point the finger back at themselves instead of pointing it to everyone else on this board about being mean.

Answer 6

Well if you are saying that you couldnt raise your child on your own then you are wrong. My grandmother who is 93 raised 5 children on her own. I am sure that a lot of women have raised children on there own. My mom (adoptive) raised me on her own. So you can give every reason in the book but i will still say that you choose to give your child up live with it.

Maybe you put your self in (your) child's shoes. How do you think he/she felt when she found out you could not let go of the shame to raise him/her?

Answer 7

My answer -- and I am an adopted child -- is to NEVER EVER judge anyone unless you have walked in their shoes.  Any uncaring person can raise five children.  My adoptive parents did that and it was a house without love.  My natural mother gave me up for adoption because of financial reasons and no support from her family because "she opened her legs."  Yet the guy that was between those legs was nowhere to be found after she found out she was pregnant.....  I am not defending my birth mother for what she did but she probably felt it was for the best for MY future.

Do not judge others for their actions until you reflect on your own life and your own actions.  It may be a different situation, but one day in the future the shoe may be on the other foot and you will be humbled....

Answer 8

Honey, you are all over the place.  You need to sit down and think before you type.  Boil it down to a single question.