Help me! he is married!?

Question

Help me please! I have the biggest crush on this guy but he is married not happily but married none the less. And before this goes any farther i want you to know that i am not into the whole home wrecker thing. My problem is every part of me is telling me to go for it. the physical attraction is intense to say the least! We actually make a point not to put ourselves in any situation that we would be alone. I know that it sounds terrible but i am really having a hard time not acting on these feelings. He would be up for it but i have made it very clear to him that i dont do married. but how do i get him out of my head? i cant stop thinking about him

Answer 1

I would suggest trying to find some nice single guy who will be interested in you and then you will transfer affection to him and forget married man.

Answer 2

get help to stop thinking about him.  you are doing a good job right now of just not going for it.  you really shouldn't have feelings for him at all.  if his marriage is unhappy soon enough he should get a divorce then after that go for it.

Answer 3

Well done you!  A lot of females wouldn't care and go straight into a relationship without caring about the consequences.

Don't weaken.  I take it by what you've written that you have both openly discussed your feelings.  If I were you, I would lay my cards on the table.  If he is unhappy in his marriage, he should end it, leaving the way clear for you.

If he is not willing to take that step, then you can resolve your feelings by knowing it would never have gone anywhere.

Answer 4

Why don't you have a little respect for the guys wife and relationship and leave it alone!  This shouldn't even be a question, the good person inside of you should have already made this clear.

You get him out of your head by looking elsewhere...I'm sure there has to be at least one other man in your area that is attracted to you, and vise versa.

Answer 5

Think about it... if you and him got married someday would you be happy if he went out and did this behind your back? Exactly. If he isn't happily married then he needs to get out of his marriage and then pursue you. Step away from this one for now.

Answer 6

find someone else

Answer 7

Honestly, STOP. Look at it from a reasonable perspective. Nine times out of ten he's only telling you that his marriage is not that great so that you won't cut him loose and still "be" with him. Who really knows? He could be happy as h**l and just a born cheater. On the other hand, the marriage COULD be shaky, but remember>>he's married. And until he ACTUALLY divorces her (IF he does), he is off-limits. Don't listen to him if he constantly tells you that he WILL divorce her and he never does. You don't want to be known around as a home-wrecking wh***. (no offense). Keep it friendly and nothing more. Regardless of attraction between you two.  

Answer 8

hum.............. u really like the guy and he isnt happy wif his wife, well, u guys can still be together if he gets divorced.u wouldnt really be a home wrecker cause he isnt happy being married wif his wife

Answer 9

Unfortunately hun it's all down to you.  You have to make a conscious decision to knock off the "wallowing" and concentrating on him, and move on with life.  Get busy with friends, family and dating other guys.  I know it seems impossible now, but don't let your libido and heart rule over your head.  If you do follow those instincts, the slam to your self respect will have harsher repercussions than you realize.  I'm sure you're already well aware of the statistics on being "the other woman"....as I'm sure you also realize that theres a third party involved here..his wife.  No matter what the state of his marriage, theres also her side in this story.  Would you appreciate the further strain in a bad marriage from an "outsider"?  I know you wouldn't.  It is HORRIBLE to be in your position, and I can understand your feelings, but at the end of the day YOU figure into this equasion more than anyone else involved....suck it up, move on and don't allow anything to get in the way of the strong and moral woman you are.  Much luck :)

Answer 10

You need to get a grip on yourself girl.  Just stop!  s*x drive isn't love, it is s*x.  There are more problems than you can shake a stick at.  Leave it alone!!

Answer 11

The two of you should go to a motel, and get it out of your systems.

Answer 12

JERRY!!  

Answer 13

Go out to places he is not.No matter how bad their relationship might be or appear it can always be fixed. You are wise to stay away from him,tell him to deal with his marriage,either stay with her or divorce her.then if you two still want to hook up after the divorce then do what ever,but remember what he is doing to his WIFE by being near you..

Answer 14

If he is truly unhappy with his marriage, allow him time to divorce the other woman, and then make a decision.  So what if you guys are attracted to each other?  I'm sure their will be a lot of other guys that you have that same attraction to.  Right now, the one you have that with happens to be married.  What if his wife really does still love him?  You wouldn't want to be in her shoes, and I'm sure you don't want to intentionally put anyone through the pain of losing someone they really love.  He married her for a reason.  Just give it time, and allow him to figure out if he really wants to work out his marriage or just get a divorce.  Then he can be all yours.

Answer 15

Seriously, have respect for his wife whether he does or doesn't, and stay away.  She deserves a marriage that either survives or fails without any influence from the outside or other people interfering.  There is no way an affair could possibly do you or her any good.  The man in the middle of this mat not strong enough or decent enough to be trusted.

Answer 16

why is it that you're around him...are you friends, are you co-workers? you need to find a way to not only limit the potential of you being alone with him but limit the amount you're around him period! you need to avoid him. go out with friends and find other guys to crush on.  

Answer 17

even if its hard you need to set your sites on someone else,because even if you havent acted on it yet its still wrong,but whatever you get your self into you have to suffer the consequences.  

Answer 18

let it go you will get hurt he will not leave his wife for you they never do!!!! so really think about the repercussions and if it really worth it  

Answer 19

Don't do it. You don't wanna be a home-wrecker remember?... I'm sure the attraction is there but sometimes its best to resist from temptation. Stay away from the forbidden fruit!!  

Answer 20

If you really want to get him out of your head, you'll have to cut off ALL communication with him.

Verbal and physical.

And after a period of time, you will meet new people and begin to forget about Mr. Married Man.

Answer 21

Marriages go through ups and downs.  It might just be a phase they are going through.  No marriage is always happy.

Also, if you did "go for it" would you ever be able to trust him if he left her for you?  You would always know there was a possibility he could do the very same to you.  

Don't be his "backup" girl just in case the marriage doesn't work out.  Chances are he will rebound after the marriage and do you really want to be that girl?

Stay clear of him and gain some self respect.