Help me please! i have a interfering mother in law and dont know wat to do!?

Question

my mother in-law is always calling, asking us to go over to see her. me and my husband have been married 8months but she doesn't seem to want to let go. she has 5 boys, 3 of which are married. since we have been married we have not spent a weekend where we have not gone to see her. its driving me mad.when i don't go there i swear she talks about me and when my husband comes back he is so quite and very distant. i don't know whats happening and i feel as if my marriage is going to be over before its even begun.

please help

Answer 1

I have been married 14yrs and now have a great relationship w/my mother-in-law.  It was like yours in the beginning.  She has 2 sons and a daughter.  If we weren't at her house then she was at ours.  It was a little overwhelming at first but it got better.  

My breaking point was during our 1st yr of marriage my hubby got sick and he was laying on the couch and I asked him would you like some soup - no; would you like to cover up - no; let me take your temp - no, leave me alone.  Then mom walks in the door, oh honey lets get your temp - ok; here honey cover up - ok; would you like a nice bowl of soup to make you feel better - yes please mom.  I waited until he felt better, we sat and talked about how he acted and how it made me feel.  We then invited mom over and explained it to her and she felt really bad and we have been best friends every since.

Talk to your husband maybe he doesn't realize how it makes you feel to not have any one on one quality time with him.  Whatever you do don't avoid your mother-in-law or lie about having plans - this will only cause more problems.  Don't make your hubby choose you or mom because I'm sorry to say mom will win.  Did you and your mother-in-law get along before you got married?  Do you like her?  Look inside yourself - really what is so wrong with spending a little family time?

Best of luck to you

Answer 2

Ok the good thing is that you have no children yet. This is huge problem and so do use at least two methods of birth control until it is solved. I mean you even wrote that your marriage may be over. You are being totallly disrespected by your husband. I guess you are allowing it to happen. You need to discuss with him his vision of your time together and whether he was actually ready to have a wife. Perhaps he wants to continue spending his weekends with his mother in which case you will be saying good bye. I know this sounds harsh but why you put up with it is beyond me. You deserve to have so much better. Its not about whether she wants to let go but rather his becoming a husband instead of a mamas boy. I think he isnt ready to do that yet!

Answer 3

Instead of going over invite her to yours and that way your at your strong hold. Talk with your mother in-law about how you feel and include your husband.

Make plans as a last resort if the above suggestions don't work.

en list the help of the married brothers and have a big family get together that way its not just you and the mother in-law

good luck

Answer 4

Is she close enough to go by during the week and keep your weekend to your self?

Answer 5

Make plans so u can't go over on the weekend.

Saying to your mother in law that you have no plans and still don't want to go over, is rather ridiculous because you'll have no excuse to go there.

So make plans and you have a LEGITAMATE excuse

Answer 6

I'm going through this myself. I have an overly intrustive, overbearing mother in law myself. However, we lived with her prior to the marriage, and about 6 months after. We ended up buying the house from her - as you can imagine, she still felt like she was just as welcome as she ever was. What she didn't realize is that this is the first time that my husband and I got to be alone.

I tried everything from changing the locks on the house (twice), to screaming at my husband, to literally throwing her out. Nothing seemed to change, and my husband couldn't believe that I was "acting" like this. He had no idea how I felt. I never wanted to bother him with it. But, you know what? It was the best thing I ever did. I just sat him down (when there wasn't the daily drama brought on by her) and explained that I just can't stand her anymore. I was ready to walk out the door, just like you. Now, he makes excuses for me to get out of going to her house, and she has to call before she comes over (gives me time to get out). I went from seeing her twice a day to not at all - and I couldn't be happier.

The best advice people will give you is to talk to her directly. I didn't. I couldn't stand her long enough to. So, if you in the same boat as me, and don't want to confront her, talk to your husband. Turned out, all this time he was telling her to come over whenever she wanted, and was giving her copies to the house key. Well, sometimes, you just got to put your foot down. He still calls her everyday, but on his cell phone, on his way to work. I don't restrict him talking to her, or visiting, but he knows that she just isn't welcome around me.

I asked a few questions about mine, on here, and got some good (and bad) advice. I'll put the links in here if you want to check them out, might give you some more answers than what you got, and a different prespective.

Believe me - I feel your pain!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 7

I can trully relate to what you are experiencing.  I walked those same shoes and it did destroy my marriage.  It is so easy to blame the mother in law.  However, it is your husband who must make the change.  As long as he allows his mother to interfere she has no reason to stop.  There is a thin line between love and hate, you can love someone with all of your heart yet when the pain continues to pile up it takes a little chunk out with each event.  The bible says that when a man takes a wife he is to cling to his wife, when you took your vows you became as one not one with a mother in law, that's not what you signed on for.  If he is not willing to change perhaps you should reconsider before children come into the picture.  Time usually does not make this better it only gets worse unless he makes the changes necessary.  Pray about it and talk with him with compassion rather than anger.  Anger only shuts a two way conversation down to one person talking and the other zoing out.