Help me to make my child learn to be tidy?

Question

My daughter who is 8 years old refuses to help with the household chores. i have no one to help me clean up and she keeps throwing things around and doesnt pick up after her. i am a working mother and it drives me crazy that i have to come into an untidy house and have no one help me to clean up. i just ask that she pick up papers, clothes, generally tidy up at least one room. all she does is to sit in front of the TV or draw or play with her toys and gets so upset when i ask for her to help. i have even tried to tell her i will pay her for cleaning up but she is not interested. pls. help me.

Answer 1

Give her the chose either she picks up after herself or you will pick it up and throw it away.  My kids were all the same way.  I stay at home and when they would get home from school the house would be spotless yet within 30 minutes of their arrival it looked like a tornado had hit.  I had my hubby make some storage bins to put by the back door and that is where their backpack, jacket etc goes when they come home and the rest of it if they throw it down I remind them once to pick it up and if they dont then I do and it goes in the trash.  same with their rooms they either put the toys away or I do and when I do it is in a box and out to the garage.  After they lost a few things they caught on pretty quick.

Answer 2

To begin with you need to stop nagging.  When I find myself nagging (all mothers do it) I always notice my kids not listening.  Children just tune us out when that happens.  First of all start by talking to her about how she is getting older and now can help out more around the house.  Explain to her that helping out will free up more of your time to spend with her.  Then tell her you won't bug her to do her assigned chores each day but if they are not completed by 8pm each night, the next day she will not be allowed to watch tv.  Also, tell her that she is allowed to play and watch tv as much as she wants once all homework and chores are done. Good luck as I know this is much easier said than done!

Answer 3

Time to get tough and actually try some parenting!  

She's 8,  this will only get worse.  Pull the plug on the d**n tv!  It's not rocket science.  No tv means she has to help.  She is part of the family and needs to act like it.  It sounds like this is past the allowance will motivate her issue and you need to pull out the tough love.  Throw out the things she leaves around.  She'll learn.  You could just put them in the trash and put them in the basement/garage-or toss them.  I have bagged up my kids toys and then forgot about them for 6 months and just donated the bags to charity.

As she starts to realize that mom really means that she's going to get rid of my stuff and I have no tv to watch she'll start helping out, then you can work an allowance back into the picture.  Until then-no perks for her.  No tv, no computer and toss the stuff she leaves around.

Answer 4

You need to be the parent.

In my house, I instruct the kids to clean their rooms (it's not a request, btw) and if they refuse, I offer to clean the room for them.  They thought that was a good deal the first time - until I walked in w/ a garbage bag and started picking up all the toys on the floor.

After all, you only have to pick up the things you want to keep!

Answer 5

its very easy all u have to do is just ask nicely help her and turn the TV and PC off that way she will be bored and eventually she will be sick of the mess polling up and she will pick it up.

Answer 6

This is a tough one, but this is what I did and it worked... ask him/her to pick up their things, if they do not you pick them up, when they ask where it is and they will ask eventually, tell them you had to pick it up so you threw it away ( I actually hid the things) tell them "it must of been trash" they did not care about it enough to take care of it.  My oldest daughter caught on real quick, I only had to ask her once to put her toys/stuff away. She tried to fall back into her old ways a few times...all I had to do was say..I get it as I grabbed the garbage can to throw it away...It really works!

Answer 7

Oh my- me too!

My daughter is very messy and when I insist she tidies we have a huge battle...I try to help her to tidy - we do it together- but she still gets all 'stroppy' with me and i have also tried paying her...

It is better since we had a huge argument over it, which resulted in me REMOVING every item from her bedroom (into bin bags) and allowing her one bag back at a time...

she went crazy, like a toddler tantrum , screaming etc, quite late into the night but i didnt give in and everytime she refuses to tidy her room when i threated the removal of all her items she usually getson with it now!

I find not offering her money, BUT taking it away, can work too. ie give her a little each week, but remove it for bad behaviour- refusing to tidy..

Be reasonable. She is only 8. She will need guidance esp at first as she probably hasnt learn how yet. But you need to get on with this before she gets even older...i appreciate the difficulties, i am still there, but things have improvd this year 9it was just before christmas when we removed her items from her room0 and now she will do some tidying- it almost alwys involves me being stern and raising my voice and sometimes i feel i cannot be bothered its easier to do it myself, but it is necessary they do learn that they are expected to do certain things..

good luck

Answer 8

At years old, helping with the housework and keeping their own room clean is not a choice, it is required.  My son just turned 8.  He has a few chores.  We keep a list on the refrigerator.  He has to take the trash ou, and he has to put the dishes from the dishwasher away.  He also has to keep his room clean, which includes his clothes.  When I wash them, I fold them and set them on his bed and he has to put them away. He also has to put way anything that he has played with in other areas like the living room, dining room ect.

The best thing to do is to start out small.  You need to give her one chore at a time, and then once she gets the hang of that one, then you can add to it.  

My son is not allowed to watch any tv, play outside, or do anything until his chores are done.  He knows to check the list on the refrigerator to make sure he has everything done before he asks to go outside or watch TV.  He also has to pick up the toys, clothes in his room before bed every night.  If he drags it out one night and is late getting to bed, then the next night, he starts earlier.  

Also, make sure you have her room set up to make it easier for her to stay organized and cleaned up.  Provide shelfs that she can reach, bins to keep things in, ect.  

It will take time, but she definetely needs to be helping out. If she continues to leave things out, then she looses them.  Anything left on the floor or out after everyone is in bed for the night, I take it.  It doesn't take long for them to not want to loose their things.

Answer 9

OK when i was little if i didn't pick it up my Nana put it in the yard sale no matter what it was. TRUST ME she will learn fast when her favorite toys get put in the yard sale box. Be serious about it too, don't let her cry and get it back. Make her earn it back if you are going to give it to her.

Answer 10

Have her earn TV time by doing chores first.

Answer 11

be the parent for god's sake. tell her to do what she's told or punish her @ss.