Help me understand this...?

Question

My boyfriend, (we live together- not married) has 4 kids, (10,11,13,15). I work two jobs, one out of the home but my major work is done from my home office.

For some reason my BF seems to feel that I should be helping out with baby sitting for his kids while their Mom and my BF are working.... and I don't mind doing that....SOME TIMES... not every time.

There are two weeks before school starts and my BF is "hinting" that the two younger kids will need babysitting until school starts. I suggested that he and the kids Mom get something worked out for that.

Their Mom works until 3pm and Dad, my BF doesn't go to work until 3pm - he works nights. So the kids stay at our house until Dad goes to work and then he drops them off at their mom's.

I'm just wondering why am I expected to stay with the kids? I'm not their parent.... I'm not even their step-parent.

What's wrong with the parents taking responsibility for their own kids?

Answer 1

you knew what you were getting yourself into when you met him though. It is ridiculios that they need babysitting they are 10 and 11 years old. what about the 15 yr old?? Your right i could understand sometimes but your not married to this man so you still need to do you. You need a carrer to fall on if you 2 ever decide to split up.

also why let your jobs suffer while theirs is great?

Answer 2

Sticky situation, but I agree with you.  You're not their mother, and you're not even their step mother.  Just because you're working at home doesn't mean you aren't working.  Watching the kids at your house while you work would be the same as Mom or Dad bringing them to the office with them.  Try using that analogy when you put your foot down.  Especially considering you aren't even a wife yet, you shouldn't be used as a free babysitter.

Answer 3

Just be up front with him and tell him that you can't just be expected to step into a caregivers role and you dont appriciate that he "expects" that.

But honestly...how long have you been together? I'm assuming long enough since you live together....but anyway, I don't see the huge deal in keeping an eye on the 10 and 11 year old, they are old enough to not need constant supervision, and you can still get your work done. If they were much younger I'd sympathize more...

I can understand you wanting the parents to take more responsibility, but because you live with them you are a parent figure, like it or not. That is something you should have thought about before moving in with them.

Answer 4

well if your BF is thinking that in the future you will be their step mom then i don't think he is completely in the wrong with his assumptions... if this is not your intention then why are you with him? I'm honestly not trying to pick a fight or be rude just trying to figure out why you would date a guy with children if you don't ever see yourself as their stepmom?

Answer 5

I was having a similar problem the beginning of this summer with my boyfriends sister. I am a substitute teacher and this is my first summer I have been able to spend with my kids. She saw this as an opportunity for free childcare. At first, like you I didn't object but after it started to become a habit, like your situation definitely sounds like, I had to tell her I charge 20 dollars a day for my services. This put an end to the problem and I was able to have more time with my own kids. Sometimes I do still invited her daughter to the pool, but that's it.

Answer 6

Well ... childcare is tricky, even under the best of circumstances.  And if you live with your BF, that sounds like a pretty committed relationship to me.  I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for some assistance, especially as they're older and probably don't need a ton of supervision.

If you're committed to this relationship, it's time to sit down and talk it over.  The man you love is a father, and that means that his kids are part of the package.  If you're uncomfortable with that, it might be a signal that you need to move on.

IMHO, asking a loved one to pitch in for a few weeks *is* taking responsibility for your own kids.